Usher and Marriage

Ok so here I am popping on my music from Imeem and I decided to listen to the new song by Usher called “Papers”. Basically a song about how the marriage he had went down the crapper and he was ready to be divorced.

While I understand and cut Hollywood and stardom a little slack, I still don’t understand why people have such a low regards for marriage that they just up n leave when it gets hard. Its starting to really tick me off how people even have the balls to get married knowing full well the point of marriage only to end it over the STUPIDEST of things. “He made me drive a pinto and I wanted a honda so its not gonna work” Or “she never cooks and can’t open a beer bottle with her teeth while wearing 6 inch heels every day so im out” I mean its ridiculous. If you had the slightest inclination that it wouldn’t work, then why do it?

People get married all the time for the wrong reasons which I understand, but once your in it why can’t you just stick it out. Sometimes I often wonder if marriage is even for me almost like well if nobody cares about marriage why should I do it? It longer has the value placed on it like it used to and its looked at as just something to do these days.

I really wish people would start taking these commitments to each other a LOT more seriously. Our children are suffering because of it and we are becoming a more and more narcissistic society living in the “its all about me and my happiness” type of a world. When will people realize that its not JUST ABOUT YOU and get over themselves.

I think it should be a lot harder to divorce someone than it is now. I think if it was harder to get out people wouldn’t take it so lightly. The song “papers” is stupid and I WISH a fool might try to divorce me over some dumb stuff. You won’t at all be singing a song called papers you will be singing “I wish she hadn’t thrown them hot grits on me while I was butt a*z naked” now you can sign your PAPERS!

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When its really over

Incase anyone didn’t know I love to talk about relationships. I have no idea why but it just never gets old even when I am in them I can always find something to share about a situation. As of late I have been dealing a bit with my ex. He recently started to contact me and attempting to come around. Well I must say the attempts were very short lived. I figured out dude was basically trying to get into my good graces so he could have a place to stay while he was in town working 5 days a week at his new gig. Needless to say he did a terrible job of smoozing (i think) and I caught wind.

I was a little disappointed at first, simply because I haven’t been on ANY dates, and secondly because there was a glimmer of hope in me thinking he would have changed by now. Being in the sitution however made me wonder how many of us go to any lenghts to try and save something out of despiration or pure bordom. I can’t imagine what actually would have happen had I allowed this sharrade to continue.

Now that its over I wonder what my future holds. Will I be as closed as I am now to dating? will I always try to find motive behind a situation or simply just enjoy the momement? I guess only time can tell.

Has anyone ever attempted to make a situation work even though you know in the end it wouldn’t, have you ever stayed with someone because of bordom? Have you ever been blinded to being played?

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My family and Friends Dont like him so F’em!

Ok let me clarify before I start writing about the topic this is not my sentiments anymore(end).

I have a pod cast that I listen to every day called the mark gungor show, before I rant about how funny they are listen yourself. Anywhoot the topic that peeked my interest was a subject about how we go about the dating process.

For the longest time in my life I always thought that if my family or friends didn’t approve of who I was dating I would say screw u I am going to do what I want anyways. I hated the idea of people “medaling” in my love affairs unless I cared to share the information with them. Everybody had an opinion about what so n so should be doing and blazy blazy. The more I listen to the nay sayers the more I would back away and do my Bonnie and clyde/us against the world stance. I would classify those who didn’t like my situation as a “hater”, they dunno what they talmbout they just jealous of ME!

Well in all my years of dating I realized now (post mark) that its probably not the best idea to date someone solely. As much as we may hate to admit it our friends (true ones) and family don’t ware the same rose colored glasses as we do while we are dating. They tend to see things in a much clearer light because THEY aren’t in it. Now take note i do understand there are those who can never speak any good into your life but if you live and operated in a healthy environment your people can usually give you sound advise. On the radio show mark mentioned out in other cultures they do more of the “arranged marriages” while i don’t totally agree with this concept I do agree with the premis that FAMILY AND FRIENDS should in fact be way more involved than we allow.

I know its scarey at first but trust if you allow your self to be exposed chances are you would save yourself from a world of heart ache. I would even attempt to say this is the MOST selfish good thing you can do for your current or future dating relationship. I haven’t had a chance to test the waters but I am certainly going to let people in on my relationship and actually allow my beau to be around my family and friends a LOT. My family and friends now me best and if anyone can assure I am making the right choice its them.

So good people do you usually involve your family and friends in your dating process or make sure they actually get to be around your s.o or do you bonnie n clyde it down the isle. Would you be willing to change your process if you knew it would keep you from making wrong choices?

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Jesus In a bottle

Hello fello bloggers!! Yes I have been gone for a minute but I am back again as always. A lot of things have taken place in the last two or three months but I can say most have been positive changes which going on 27 in two weeks I can appreciate the good things.

Recently I got into a conversation with a friend about my stance to become celibate until marriage. Its not something that I really felt comfortable with speaking on at first but I realized the things that have happened in my life because of this has had a major impact. Since the decision I have come closer to my faith. Its been a challenging change to say the least. Not so much that I miss chexing but more about what it represents.

For a while I had been struggling with surrendering myself to the Lord. I didn’t feel like (at first) that just because I gave up chex that my whole world would turn upside town. I thought I would basically say “God I did this for you, now its your turn to bless me with a good man” Its only until resently I realized what “Dying to self” actually meant. When I made my decision to be celibate I thought I had already died lol. Really I hadn’t given myself to God because I was still “Waiting” to be blessed.

Over the last few weeks I have been learning about giving myself “Totally” to God and at first I was scared. The thought of having to basically stop hoping, wishing, praying that God would just magically send me someone. I kept hearing single people should serve God. What does that mean exactly, because I am single I have to be this way for life? when is ok to have a man?? All these thoughts raced through my head and I NEVER wanted to accept that this could be my life FOREVER. I can’t say I am 100% over the “Idea” of love and marriage. But I have slowly come to realize that God isn’t my genie in a bottle. Even though he puts “Conditions” on us doesn’t mean we can treat him in the same manor simply because we are fickle people and change like the wind. I know as much as I try to keep my promise I can sometimes fall short. God NEVER fails…..

I want to exemplify what it means to “die to self” giving myself totally to God without any worries of my future. I don’t want to worry if I get married. If I don’t get married I still will remain celibate because this is what is required of me. I still pray God blesses me but I no longer dwell or let my life revolve around “marriage”.

Have you ever thought of putting “conditions” on God tit for tat?? Have you ever thought of dying to yourself. Do you think you could do that if God never gave you the desire of your heart?

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Today i feel..

Content but i still want more

Sad with no really valid reasons

Pregnant when i know im not

Excited but not exactly ready for change to come

Worried most of my close friends are no longer that

Bored without debt to constantly worry over because its almost gone

Dreamy about my future

self concious about what some folks think of me

Ready to decorate and make this new place my home

How do you feel today??

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Weekend Fab

I had a pretty good weekend, for my few fans that care lol. Nothing exciting went down but I got some much needed chill time. Being single seems to be relaxing these days. Nobody callin me 24-7, all up in my face, kissy face lovey dovey stuff. Its just me, and right now I like it.

I am grateful for the day I get into a committed relationship but also glad I can enjoy just being with myself and having a good time. I encourage single people to embrace the time because you can’t get it back. Travel, meet new people, come and go as you please, and just do you!!

thats all…..

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Tell em why u mad friday rant

Everyone knows by now how i have felt about high education in the past right?? If not let me refresh you. College wasnt the place i wanted to be. I couldnt stand those higher horse educated black folks and refused to jump on that band wagon. Well today i got into it with a friend about it and it ticked me off.

First let me say my opinion about college has changed 100%. I understand the importance and all that. However i still dont believe one should go into debt to finish. People now days dont believe you can complete higher education without debt. This is where the argument started. Mind you im arguing with a person who has managed to complete 2 years of higher education debt free??? She was sayin its impossible because she was faced with needing to borrow.

I got mad at her because she used my prior opinion as a bases of me being against her choice to go into debt. News flash even when i was in college i hatted getting loans to pay for it pre dave n all. I think college is great and eventually im going back even if it takes me a while im gonna do it debt free.

She doesnt want to put off school just because she cant pay out of pocket and i respect that, but dont think because i choose to wait doesnt mean i dont value it as much as the next.

I know everybody is in debt but im taking a diff route. I dont ask people to agree i just ask u to respect my choice…..

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Dedicated

As of late I have been able to dedicate myself to a lot of positive things. I became a member of my church recently and decided to dedicate my life to Christ. I am dedicated to learning about how to date, be a better person, getting out of debt and a bunch of other things. But Yesterday I was attending a good friend of mines fundraiser. I hadn’t supported her in her campaign efforts since God knows when. She has been running for city council and I have totally been MIA. Yesterday I realized how much I had been out of touch and I felt a pain in my stomach and I felt like i had failed a friend.

I always preach about friends this and that but how much of a friend have I been as of late?? Probably not a good one because just like the people i complain about I ACT LIKE just on a different level. Today I realized it and it hurt me bad but I had to own up to it so I could face it an deal with it. Just because I messed up doesn’t mean I can’t make it right, right???

So I called up my girlfriend and apologized as best I could (cuz i suck at this) and told her I would do my best to help her from this point on. She said it was ok but you know deep down actions speak louder than words. So I thought of one area I KNEW she always needed help and the only real area i knew how to help with was with the children. I told her I would come get the kids the next day and she was very grateful. See my friend always knew she needed help but she isn’t one to ask especially when it comes to her children because she feels like she shouldn’t have to “Ask” if you really cared about them that way. I can’t actually blame her to a certain extent but I know if it was me I would call err body to come watch my kids lol. Anywhoot…..

I promised myself that I would go and watch the kids a few times a week until the election is over. That is the least I can do as a friend and she is just that kind of person that would do the same for you.

So for the next 2 months this is one BIG thing I am going to dedicate myself to and ask God everyday to keep me and the kids safe cuz uh lawd knows I love the kids but ummm im no suzie home maker lol. I think it should be fun spending a lot of time with them and hopefully can learn from this experience. I want to be a person that people can depend on and I also want to follow through with things I say I am going to do. This is my second chance.

Mikki

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Don’t stop get it get it!!

If you didn’t hear already, this past weekend was great. I went to salsa bootcamp and a salsa social. I learned a lot of new moves and discovered that this would be something I would like to get good at. This weekend I also faced some rejection, but you know they say for every door closed one will open!! Its funny because not many women put them selves out there to even be rejected. I feel like the more I step out the more im not afraid to go after what I want and it actually feels good.

Even thought I don’t exactly have my numbers up yet, I have been having really the time of my life, getting out meeting new people men and women alike. I can’t say I haven’t done this much in a few years and I really don’t remember why I had not before. Since being on the plan my life is becoming a little more enhanced each day. I am finding what I love and what I could care less about, im finding out more about my faith walk as well. Also being able to tap into some old good habits that I neglected a while ago.

Funny none of it really has to do with men, its just learning to do me. I never really realized until now how fun is it to be single as in being free to make plans for whatever, go here go there and not have anyone say I can’t. I think im actually over booking stuff to do!! Now trust I haven’t forgotten about my 5 numbers a week, but what I have learned more so that its has to do with learning me as I stated already 100 times. As I get out more and more I will eventually get my numbers up and have prospects but its certainly ok with out them right now. I just want to have a good time and I am doing just that.

Lesson 1.5

rejection can be a beast but you must keep moving right along!

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Better after 40?

I had the pleasure last night of taking myself out on the town, and I must say I had the best time. I had basically forced myself to drive to Detroit after being told my friend wasn’t going to make it to the after work mixer with me. So I headed down anyways and after calling a few male friends that flaked, i was all by myself. It ended up working out that I was alone because I was suppose to be working my “experiment”. I am happy to report I did get a number!! ok so technically I didn’t get it myself someone got it for me and the guy is like pushin 50, but its just a date right??? lol

Anyways I had a ball, just kicking it, dancing and being with people. I love going back to detroit and last night was one of those times I missed my city. But I am side tracking…….

I ended up asking a girl sitting next to me to do the ball room hustle since no one had gotten out on the dance floor yet, she agreed by the end of the night I had 3 new friends all over 40. After dancing my butt off and having my chicken wings stolen, we chatted it up about you guessed it MEN!! I was first in shock because not only was all three people over 40 but they all were MARRIED, why is a married person out at the club without there s.o??? They all had interesting stories and when I say I was schooled? I am not kidding. I can’t even tell you about half the stuff they had to say about being young vs old, whats REALLY important in a relationship all the way down to sex lol?? at the bar no less. At any rate one thing the two women kept sayin was make sure a man is stable and DO NOT marry for LOVE!! wha?? what do you mean?? She said its all cute at first but when YOU get it to it you will find that there are more things that are important than love.

This is shocking to hear a woman say but maybe its true? Idk, what I do know is that I look forward to just enjoying myself having a ball making friends and living life! after all it is what this experiment is about in part, it just sucks that i have to drive an HOUR to find entertainment!!

Anywhoot stay tuned? will Mik go out with the 50 year old?? will she not???

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