Archive for December, 2007



Stuff about me you may or may not already know…

1. My favorite ice cream is cookies and cream

2. I hate that not to many people know who Syleena Johnson is

3. My middle name is Anitra

4. I still don’t know how to play chess

5. I’m not big on reading

6. I have a cat named Pinky (anybody want her?)

7. I have only been outside of the u.s twice in my life (south africa and canada)

8. I have a thing for tall men

9. I can actually cook

10. I cried watching that movie “The Holiday”

11. Has never watched the uncut version of “Coming to America” I hear Eddie curses a lot

12. I like to sing and dance in the car (but can’t dance)

13. I like subtitle movies

The End


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“Wide Open” Love

I need you like pens need paper, like the sky needs stars at night, like New England needs super bowl.

I never claim to be as philosophical as Shakespeare, but I recognize a passion to find ways to describe love. Outside of the text book version, the wikipedia version or even the bibles version of love. I wanna dig deep deep down into my soul and birth words that only can be translated by you and I, because we are one. You know me better than I know myself, Better than my boys I have known since I was 5. Never have I found myself so “open” to anyone. I want to share everything with you even tell you why men make women cry just to give you incite. I never want you to feel pain ever again while you are on this earth. I know I’m not the perfect man but ever day I will try my damndest to be perfect for you, because I love you.

I want to be to you what I am to myself. Dedicated, passionate about life, giving when I have no more to give, hard working and kind. I want to be the best for you and I. I want to be that man that runs your bath water, the man that goes with you to lamas class everyday until our child is born. I want to be as close to you as I am to God.

People say they want that agape love but when it comes they run. The only way I’m running is if its bringing me closer to you, you see I love you. I’d look up every way to say I love you until there were none left and even then I’d make up more just to satisfy you.

One Love


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Does Sex Heal?????

I was laying in my bed earlier thinking about all the things I have been faced with, car accident, job stress, relationship issues you know the stuff that makes you say wtf!. Anyways as I broke to tears I started thinking about what would make me temporarily happy In the mist of all my sorrows. Long and behold I had an ah ha moment and the answer was sex. Yes sex I say!!!

As I laid there contemplating the idea of having just one night of self indulging love making passion with …… (ok skip who with for a second)

I figured I better consult my inner self before I ran to make a rash decision that I may very well regret the next day.

So I am putting this question out there to anybody who will listen. Does sex heal ??? I personally would say yes but I haven’t ever actually had sex when I have been stressed so thats why I am asking. I want to know that If I go do it will it give me a sense of relief and clear my thoughts OR add to the list of complicated things in my life. I have been really good at the whole celibacy thing (waiting for a relationship) but I am running out of reasons why not to………


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FCF’S Extended Version

This blog stems from another blog I recently read about. The blog was about what we call (FCF’S) better known as fundamental character flaws and what they are exactly. I took each of the words and decided to break them down and give my take on the subject matter. Lets start with the first word

1. fun·da·men·tal

belonging to one’s innate or ingrained characteristics : deep-rooted

based on this definition Nail Bitting is not an FCF, nor is a man or woman having children, or someone wanting to pick there nose all the time.

2. char·ac·ter

one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual.

and example of this would be silly, reserved, and romantic.

3. Flaw

a defect, fault, or imperfection.

A scar on my leg, freckles, big feet (ok from a womans perspective big feet are a good thing on men lol )

With these definitions in mind one would be led to believe that FCF’S isn’t something that one can change, but is this really the case????

I recently had been faced with having to tell people how long I have been single. Yes it has actually been close to 4 years now. The popular question is why so long whats wrong with you? (My FCF’s) Well now I think I may have an answer.

When I talk to a lot of people the first thing i hear them say is “I’m picky” People have so many gripes and hang-ups about the opposite sex, but have you ever thought that it might be YOU thats the issue?? Being 25 I am starting to see myself in a completely different light (tends to happen when your single). One thing I noticed is that I tend to be insecure. Worrying whether someone is feeling me, if I’m saying the right things or even if I look good enough. You may not say things directly about being insecure but it still can show. (The ladies know what I mean by this).

The other problem is planning a future with men I just meet. You know how you start to fantasize about a wedding dress, a baby, a house with a white picket fence lol. What this does for a woman is set a man completely up for failure. Right off you have the perfect vision of the two of you together and happy. When he does something you don’t agree with right off, your whole vision of happiness with him dwindles away. The two of you are over before you start. Momma always said don’t put your eggs in one basket but further more stop expecting men to be your everything right away. We spend to much time fantasizing rather than asking questions and getting to know someone, If we don’t expect a man to be perfect in the beginning we will be less disappointed when he lets us down.

Last but not least, I tend to think I am compatible with EVERY man. in layman’s terms I think I am the shit. It would seem obvious to know that we don’t all have the same interest but this is not the case. I for one Don’t care about technology, cars, politics, or High definition tv’s. Not to say I can’t learn, but its not something that would lead me to strike up an hour long conversation. However if you ask me about Real Estate, financial planning, or I love New York 2, I might be able to tell you a thing or two. I believe two people from totally different backgrounds can certainly take interest in the others passions but there has to be a desire on both ends. What is a relationship(outside of physical attraction) if there is nothing to talk about????

My point is to say we all have flaws. Things can be changed or improved upon but you have to want it. Not saying change everything about you, but acknowledge the things that might keep you from being with someone and attempt to work on them. Don’t forever live by the saying “take me as I am” If you do you might end up single for longer than you anticipate. If you are always known to leave your draws on the floor and a woman you like comes along and says pick them up, I doubt your gonna say take me as I am.

So what are your own FCF’s



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Leading Lady

A leading lady is a woman who knows who she is inside and out. She outwardly expresses her true self everyday and ask no questions about it. She doesn’t wonder what this person or that person thinks about who or why she is what she is. She loves hard, plays hard, and has her struggles but she is a fighter. The leading lady believes you only fail when you give up. She understands that she is not perfect, but wouldn’t stand for anyone telling her she deserves less, for that reason. She believes in having everything she wants even when others can’t see it possible. She walks with a swagger that says to others “there is something about her” She is calm, collective, classy sometimes sassy depending on what day of the week it is. Logic and love have no place together where she comes from…

And the man in her life…….

Treats her like his queen from the start. He makes sure that everyday he lives she knows that she is #1 . The love for her surpasses every other woman he had ever dated and he doesn’t have to remind himself that he made the right choice. He prays with her, he comforts her, he cries with her or for her when she can’t cry her own tears. This man treats her with the up most respect and makes everyone around him aware that she deserves it. He doesn’t treat her like she can’t hold her own but he makes sure she know he will always come to her aid when she is in need.. with no question. He understands humility and never lets his leading lady feel like she isn’t worth coming to at some point to humble himself. He knows that every moment matters and what ever time he waste not perusing her some other man will. he fights for her until he has won or been defeated and he knows how to accept his fate gracefully and move on. Trust he knows the true worth of this leading lady and only sees the best for her even when it means he isn’t in the picture…..


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