The Good, The Bad, and the So So So Ugly

I really didn’t plan on posting anything until things started to get back on the up and up, but it seems like we rollin in the bad all the way through April so I may as well speak on it.

 Its 7am Saturday morning and Im at my moms house. I was suppose to be going to volunteer for some womens event at the church but at the last minute mom decided I didn’t “look right” Sure we was suppose to be in all black but you tell me nah who the hell is really paying attention to my blue nikes!!!! If these women got time too look down at my shoes we got problems anyways. Here I am dealing with all this and still trying to do good where I can and mom is telling me Im not presentable enough. well shit you wouldn’t be lookin your best either if you lived out your car now would you??? but I digress.

 So yea where do I begin on whats really going on. Friday after work I walked into the apartment I was staying in only to find the lights and heat shut off (shakes head) obviously I knew that was coming since my roomate had already left a week ago but the pure and utter shock remained the same. Still I didn’t panic, I packed what little clothes I had and headed out to the nearest hotel for the night. So there I am sitting in the hotel trying to use my wireless and the shit just wasn’t working to well. So I finally drifted off to sleep.  Next morning I woke up to a banging on my door “housekeeping” im layin there thinking to myself “lady look I had a long night and your waking me up to clean?” Anyways I answer the door and she informs me that the room I am in is booked so I have to get another one. I swear if i havent been put outta more places that the law allows!!!!! shit!!!!

So there I am back on the road I decided to call around to some apartments. I found one place and when I get there she says well “YOUR INCOME IS TO HIGH” WTF??? did I just roll up on section 8 housing cuz it sure as hell dont look like it and if it is section 8 my ass needed to be signing up for it like yesterday. I swear somedays I do wish I was on aid cuz if i was I wouldn’t be homeless right now but again I digress. So I get back on the phone and call Colllege park apartments.

“So what exactly are you looking for?” I responded I haven’t a clue. So she goes on to explain how things work and that I would be sharing a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 other girls. I guess thats cool I don’t think I have an option to be picky at this point. So I filled out an application and headed back out. I promised a good friend of mine I would babysit her daughter for a couple hours so she could rest. She had to get lumps removed from her breast yesterday. Its a tough thing when people close to you have to deal with issues such as possible cancer. But I am pretty much true to my word so in spite of all that was going on I still managed to get Anisa (the kid) Anisa is 6 years old going on 20 she asked a million and one questions, why is your car so small? why do I have to wear a seatbelt? where are we going? are we there yet? “im hungry” Mind you only five minutes have passed since she got in my car. Anyways I inform her that once I get done running my errands we would go to the movies.

So I headed back to the apartments to finish filling out papers and talk to Ashley some more. Some cute young guy managed to entertain Anisa while I was talking. Then she breaks out and sings “Best of both worlds” to the guy. The guy instanly loves her. Well shit if it was the 6 year old applying for the apartment she would get it based on that performance.  Anyways after 2 ballons, 1 bag of chips, 3 peppermints and a cup of water (her not me) later we are on our way again. Off to the movies to see Horton hears a Who”. The movie was actually pretty funny but im easily entertained anyways so thats not saying much lol. After that we go to Red Robin for dinner. Anisa happens to be a well spoken rather delightful child to be around, but she is good for reminding me that at 25 I have no business having kids. THANK YOU ANISA.

So I got her home around 9ish and her mom came down to thank me for taking her. Had she been givin a choice Anisa woulda spent the night (but I have no home) so that wouldn’t have worked to well. Anyways I drove back to Detroit and arrived at about 11ish I talked to mom for a bit and then fell asleep.

If you have read down this far your probably wondering why all this is going on. I honestly don’t have a true answer but I can atleast explain what happen last week.

Last week I was gonna flea Michigan. Then I misteriously got an email saying I had a job interview for a better position (where I currently work) I did apply for the job over a month ago and I know the Government is slow but I didn’t really think they would call me. Then I got another call from a job working at a travel agency booking charter buses from Lansing to Detroit. They wanted an interview as well. So as I am thinking about leaving all this stuff starts coming up. So I did both interviews and since then I been playing the waiting game. A week seems longer now days.  Suddenly staying in Michigan making a possible 60k gives me hope and reason to stick it out a little longer.

So back at moms for now I have to pick up pinky the kitty from my girls house because she is going out of town and the both of us ( me and kitty) will be homeless, cuz mom don’t want the cat at her house. I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel but as I got closer I realized it was a train. I pray that in a few weeks I can look back at all this and say wow that was me? I am greatful I have my health, a car and a job still. Most people don’t have that but that still dont make what I am going through any easier. Do I blame myself for all this? Yea I have been a poor planner and this is the result. When I asked God to allow me to live off the seat of my pants this is not what I had in mind lol. But I digress……….

Oh I am in the makings of  good novel with all this. I have hope though, I read Tyler Perry onced lived in his car and Steve Harvey so maybe there is hope for me after all.

 Oh yea I called “C” to let him know I was out of the apartment (not that the lighs was off cuz I figure he knew that) I go on to tell him I may leave the states and he says “you should come here” Wha??? Mind you this the same person just gave me 2 weeks notice that I had to move and now your telling me to come to Chicago? Anyways so I play along with his game and say ” whats in Chicago” He says “Hello” As in duh me. I just played it off as if I didn’t know what that meant. I don’t understand how a 28 year old man can manage to not say “Mikki you know your my girl I love you and I really want you here with me” (and then I woke up) and all I get is a “Helloooo” Men are such dummies. Anyways I told him I declinded but thanks anyways I gotta get out on my own.  “C” will always technically be my first love but he crazy sometimes, if i was a realist we would be together but unfortunally im cursed with living in fantasy land 24-7. So I might live to be 101 thinkin my real prince is coming to save me, rather than be with that one that seems to qualify for my list of “can’t stands” with the exception of the braids. Honestly “C” is a really good guy but I am totally a wuss when it comes to being told the truth and he is good for “Telling it like it is” I figure one day when I am older I will be able to digest such critisim, but right now that shit is for the birds!!!

 Mikki

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Its Unbeweavable To Me!!!

Recent converstations between my fellow bloggers, has sparked my interest on the subject of hair weave and black women. Now before I get off into this, I want to say this post is not meant to offend any of my fellow counterparts of the same sex. This is a subject near and dear to my heart and its not meant to change minds on the matter(disclaimer)

Yesterday I managed to goggle the subject line “why black women wear hair weaves”. I was amazed of the amount of topis on this particlar subject. It seems to have hit home for a lot of people. A lot of what I want to speak about has already been said so this post is mainly to give my personal views and give some account for myself.

 Trya Banks did a “State of the black woman” and I remember her briefly speaking on the topic of hair. She asked the panel of men what they thought about black women and weave. They all had different answers. One guy said he actually didn’t care.

If you click on the tab above titled “About Me” you will find a professionally done picture of the one and only me. But folks I am here to tell you that long flowing hair you see on my head doesn’t belong to this sista (technically it does since I paid for it) I have worn weave for quite some time but not for reasons many people seem to portray as the “popular reason” here are my “Real reasons”….

1. Its a complete confidence booster when my hair is long down my ass

2. I get way more attention than I do with my natural short hair

3. I get way more attention

I remeber one day In particular I had just come from spending a day at the salon getting my full length quick weave in. I thought I was so fly at the time. I was heading out to my car on that nice sunshine day with my stunna shades on and suddenly cars started going by honking their horns and yellin out windows!!! Mind you I wasn’t dressed hoochified or anything of the sort so the only reason I could contribute to those reactions was my hair.

I was flattered but I thought damn why can’t I get this type reaction any other day. I was mad and thats the day I decided I was going to undo the image I created for myself. Now I don’t knock men for liking long hair after all its what they see on tv and the magazines. The only female I know that most men consider sexy with short hair in the entertainment industry is Nia long, the rest of them is questionable (my opinion). So who am I to be upset? shit you like what you like.

For a long time I struggled with being confident about my outter appearance and I still do today but I am getting better at it. I don’t think I am the finest female on the block when my hair is weaved up but if you go on my myspace page you will see the differences when I have long vs short and its a total 360 as it is for most females. I have had to learn that its not my hair that makes me get noticed its how I dress, walk and talk. The hair will get the quickest response though.

Further more, when I meet a man I want him to see me as I really am natural hair and all. God forbid one day he wakes up next to me and I’m unable to throw on my wig, nails and make-up before he sees and I end up scaring the shit outta him. (men can be shallow). My point is if im not true to my image im not fully true to myself. Now I am not saying I will never in my life wear weave from time to time but for the most part I will take care of and cherish my natural hair.

Oh yea and I like to get freaky with my man and I don’t want him having to worry about pullin out my tracks when we going at it hard core!!!!

so what are your thoughts

The end.

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Dedicated….

This video is dedicated to my two favorite crazy blogger buddies ComeBackGirl & SingleBlackMale. I thought of you two when I did this, its all in love….

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Date or Soul Mate?

Recently I was reading Date or Soul Mate? By Neil Clark Warren PhD. (founder of eharmony.com). At first I was a bit skeptical about what I might discover in reading about what he had to say on the subject of dating, and finding the one you most truly fit with. But after the first few pages I was hooked. So many things ring true about how we approach the dating world and how we find our match. Though most things he speaks about are on the subject of knowing yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Most people don’t take time to discover who they really are, more so sometimes life just forces things on us to where you just have to put your emotional self on the back burner thus allowing us to lack true value and oneness with ourselves and ultimately destroying our relationships.

One of the most important things I discovered in reading was that you must create a must have and can’t stand list. When I read this it brought me back to SBM’S FCF’S post and the two idea’s are completely identical. The idea behind Neil’s list was that we should take this list extremely serious, as in take list with you on dates so you don’t forget. I know it sounds far fetched but the least you can do if you don’t want to carry the list in your back pocket for fear it might fall out and your date sees it and slaps the shit outta you, is simply remember it. This is basically your deal breaker list extended. We all seem to know what we don’t want in a mate, but what qualities will your mate posses that you will honestly love forever. Further more how well are you willing to negotiate your list? Will you let the fact that your mate has children and you don’t annoy you because your clock is ticking(ladies) Or will you be cool if they seem to be amazingly selfish or exhibit golddiggerish symptoms(men)

Statistics show that almost 60% of marriages end up in divorce in the first year. Those numbers are even more staggering in the African American community. We barely make it down the altar let alone remember to stay married. The reasons marriage fail is because people don’t have a list!!! Yea you might think a list is not going to guarantee a happy marriage, what it will do though is guarantee you don’t end up killing each other before you get to speak with the honorable Judge Mabeline Ephram

I am not going to go into detail about what the list should contain. What I will do though, is share my list and allow you to draw your own conclusion of the importance of the list. The list is to be complied of 10 must haves and 10 can’t stands. Neil uses these numbers so that our list doesn’t over flow in either instance.

Must haves

1.Attractive well groomed
2.emotionally generous
3.affectionate
4.fiscally responsible
5.compassionate
6.loyal
7.no kids
8.sexually knowledgeable
9.tolerant
10.intellectual

Can’t Stands

1.Men with braids
2.liars
3.emotionally dependent
4.smokers
5.workaholics
6.arrogant
7.cheap
8.lazy
9.political correctness
10.cheaters

This is my list so you make your own. This list is not to be compromised, and the idea is that if your out on a date with someone you should be able to figure out if they match your list, if they don’t then keep it moving. We are not to invest time and emotions with someone we don’t see having a long term commitment with (I know thats hard) this especially rings true for us ladies because we have a biological clock ticking so why waste valuable time? Some things on the list are obvious and some not so obvious but still it shouldn’t take you long to know you wont be a good fit. Again do not compromise your list!!!!! and stick to the 1 and 2 date rule.

The end.

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Clear Indication (self doubt fully loaded)

So there I was getting ready to click the “submit button” on a round trip flight to Baltimore MD for 4 days when I did the unthinkable, I dialed the number to “D”. Honestly when I called, I can’t remember what i was calling for but I spilled my guts about the whole operation “runaway Mikki”. So after about 5 minutes I was convinced that taking a trip for a job interview I had magically convinced the hiring department to give me , that could possibly be life changing, was not such a good idea. This is exactly why I am learning that telling people everything I do is a bad idea.

Now in “D’s” defense, I know he meant no harm in telling me Baltimore has a high crime rate and that its not #1 on the Best places for African Americans to live in 2008. But I was completely washed of self confidence by the time I was off the phone. He also reminded me that I was limited on funds which also didn’t help. So I got back on my computer hit “cancel” and typed up an email to the person requesting an interview which read “I can’t come” (in short). It was only 2pm and my day was ruined and I was heading towards a state of confusion and depression. It also lead me to some deep self reflection about my past actions and here are some things I discovered.

1. I am a very prideful person, I don’t like it to much when people tell me what I can and cannot do.

2. I am physically “independent” but dependent mentally which means even though I argue people down about why my way is right, In the end I almost always take their advice (with the exception of my home purchase).

Nobody actually knew I had a bright idea to flea Michigan except for one boss (who seemed on board about the idea and “D”. I had went 3 days without speaking a word to anyone because I knew for a fact that If I mentioned it to anyone They would convince me otherwise (including mom).

Now to be fair to “D” i did pick MD on an almost whim and here is why.

1. I have never been to MD, matter of fact I haven’t been to many places in U.S period. So as far as my likes and dislikes I really didn’t have any.

2. I didn’t care where I went just as long as I could leave.

3. Again it just didn’t matter to me.

People do whimsickle stuff all the time and end up just fine if not better. The difference between people who are successful and people who aren’t is that one of them lacks self confidence. I clearly don’t lack in the narcissistic department. I honestly believed I was going to walk into that interview and say “this is my job” and even if I didn’t get “That job” I planned on continuing the search until I found one.

I don’t have any ties to Michigan (except my home) which is currently rented out. My job certainly isn’t worth staying for. I have thought of all the reasons why I should leave hell my car got all my shit in it!!! Oh yea I didn’t tell yall my roomate moved out and left me with an empty apartment and 2 weeks to find a place of my own. So you tell me WTF am I still doing here!!! I realized that no situation can be worse than the one I am in now so I may as well take my chances on it. Sure I mighta been out $600 bucks, my job would have still been in tack when I got back if I felt I just wanted to stay here but i don’t.

I am 25 and this is my time to explore, have fun, go places do stuff. It might take me a while to cover every state but if i start now I might find one I like, point is i gotta start someplace even if Baltimore does have a high crime rate, by the way Detroit is currently #2 on the list which is where I am from so go figure.

Anyways I have to take responsibility for my own actions which I am doing. But I can not continue to listen to people who live in a box of there own and don’t think I can make it just because they didn’t. There is a true difference between someone looking out for your best interest and them “ones” that don’t want to see you be happy. At this point I don’t care to find out which person is which anymore. I am gonna do like the song says “you just do you imma do me” and keep it moving.

At this point I have emailed the lady, and I feel like if she truly feels I am a good candidate for this position, she will make a way for me to get to the interview. If not then well its just not meant to be. I do believe one thing and thats God’s blessings come with no sorrow added to them so with that motto im only gonna do what I am truly lead to do. further more I pray that people who read this don’t let people stop them from following dreams yea some things may be far fetched at times but if you don’t at least try you wont ever know if you could have made it. I must be super strange for believing in myself.

Mikki

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Mutual Funds 101

As you all know I have been taking classes on how to build wealth and become debt free for the past 2 months. The classes will be ending soon but I hope to join a new group for continued success and further encouragement. In my last class we learned about different investment options (once we are out of debt) and how to make the best out of the money we earn long term. One thing we learned about was Mutual Funds and how they work. Here I will share what I have learned as well as compiled information from the world wide web.

What is Mutual Fund?

A mutual fund is a collection of stocks, bonds or other investment instruments. It is owned by a group of investors and managed by a professional money manager. When you buy shares of a mutual fund, your money is pooled with that of other shareholders. Your pooled dollars are then invested and managed by the fund manager. Most mutual funds are “actively managed”—which means shareholders pay the fund manager a yearly fee to actively research, buy and sell securities for the fund’s portfolio. Different mutual funds have different goals—with varying degrees of risk and return—which means they can help you meet a wide range of personal investing goals. Keep in mind that mutual funds may lose value—they are not a deposit, they are not bank guaranteed and they are not insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) or any other government agency.

Common Types of Funds

Bond funds: sometimes called fixed income funds—are pooled amounts of money invested primarily in bonds. Bonds are basically IOUs from companies or governments. By investing in bonds, the fund essentially lends money to companies and/or governments, and usually collects regular interest payments until the money is paid back. Bond funds are often good choices for people who want stable income with lower risk (keep in mind that risk levels and income distributions can vary, and bonds are subject to interest rate risk and default risk). Some bond funds invest in a variety of bonds and fixed income investments; some specialize in conservative, investment-grade corporate bonds; and some specialize in high-risk junk bonds.

Stock funds: stock funds are pooled amounts of money invested primarily in stocks. Sometimes called equity funds, stock funds are often good choices for investors with a long-term investment horizon (those who plan to invest for five years or more) and who are looking for growth of capital.

Stock funds come in many types, varying in investment style and company size. For example, depending on your goals, you might invest in an aggressive small-cap growth fund (which would have more market volatility than a fund made up of securities of larger, well-established companies, and carries special kinds of risks) or a conservative large-cap income fund, which has different risks.

Balanced funds: Balanced funds mix some stocks with some bonds. For example, a balanced fund might contain 50 to 65 percent stocks, with the rest of the money invested in bonds. Balanced funds are often good choices for investors with a longer-term investment horizon (those who plan to invest for five years or more) who are looking for a mix of growth capital and current income.

Compared to stock funds, bond funds can be fairly conservative. But be sure you know the distribution of stocks to bonds in a balanced fund before you invest—so you fully understand the fund’s potential risks and rewards.

Money market funds: Money market funds are pooled amounts of money that invest in high-quality, short-term money market securities (which generally mature in one year or less—sometimes in as little as 30 days or less), such as treasury bills and commercial paper. These funds seek to preserve the value of your investment at one dollar per share (with fluctuating interest rates), though it is possible to lose money by investing in them. But because they make short-term investments in large, creditworthy banks and corporations, they are considered the lowest-risk type of mutual funds. However, they also tend to have the lowest returns.

Index funds: Index funds invest money in the stocks of a market index (a benchmark that represents market returns, such as the S&P 500), with the goal of getting the same overall returns as the market. A true index fund adjusts its portfolio often to closely mirror an index. Index funds tend to be “passively managed”—which means portfolio adjustments are automated, based on the index—so fees tend to be lower than those of actively managed funds.

International and global funds: International funds invest in companies outside of the United States. Global funds invest in both U.S. and international companies. Both types tend to be more volatile than domestic funds, as they are subject to currency, political and economic risks.

Sector funds: Sector funds invest in one particular sector of the economy, such as technology, healthcare, financial services, computers, natural resources, utilities, precious metals or real estate. Because they aren’t diversified across industries, these funds can be extremely volatile. The name of the fund often tells you what the fund’s focus is.

So this is it find out which one works best for you with your long and short term goals, whatever you do though make sure you understand it before you sign up!!

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The Burke n Yang syndrome

I am sure all you Grey’s Anatomy fanatics can recall one of the most memorable episodes of season 3 when Christina Yang left Derrick Burke waiting for her at the altar. I will never forget the look of shock on Derrick’s face when they opened the doors and Christina yang was gone. That was a moment to be frozen in time forever

Now we all know that Burke & Yang’s relationship wasn’t always on the up & up and for the most part in my opinion disastrous most of the time. But the relationship they had seems to be reminiscent of what most people’s relationship looks like in today’s time (complicated to say the least). It kinda got me to thinking are there real life Burke n Yang’s running around lose in the world?” Let’s explore shall we

Burke’s of Today

Remember Derrick Burke’s character? He was a highly recognized surgeon at Seattle Grace hospital, smart, attractive, successful and most importantly paid. His character portrayed him to have a high level of arrogance yet somewhat of a soft side when provoked. He was respected because he was one of the best in his field, and considered to be amongst (for sake of real world context) the crème Della crème of dateable men

The Yang in You

Christina, we can’t forget the crazy, but smart, independent, I can do any surgery you give me attitude Yang. She too had arrogance about her and rarely let people see her emotional side. Most days she came off as cold hearted and non sympathetic to the sick. She was a fighter (also one of the best in her field) and went out of her way to show everyone she could do it all if she had too. One undeniable thing about Yang though, was that she loved her some Burke. She was attracted to his swagger and confidence, but we all know despite our high hopes of marital bliss, they didn’t have a happy ending

Where is The Love

Yang and Burke didn’t make it to holy matrimony and I am here to tell you why. Neither of them could let go of the selfishness that seem to overwhelm them, like a child opening presents on Christmas day. Burke, though he loved Christina for her independence, passion, and love for surgery, he would have rather had her take on a more traditional role as a loving and supportive wife (barefoot n pregnant possibly) and him be the bread winner of the two. Christina on the other hand, didn’t want to give up her hard work and all she accomplished just to end up being known as Dr Burke’s wife. She wanted to be known as Christina Yang “The great Cardio surgeon”. Marriage to Burke would mean possible lose of her identity and the risk was just too great

Now I may be a little out of line for attempting to compare a TV show to real life. But 24 percent of working wives now earn more than their working husbands according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), if you count working women married to jobless men that number jumps to 30 percent. In other words, nearly 1 out of 3 married women make more than their spouses. This statistic is also greater in African American house holds. Point is men love to be dominating and when you take that financial power away they start to question there masculinity and hell breaks lose

Society Today

So what does this mean for the future of men and women when it comes to relationships and marriage? It means we need to learn to compromise and learn to put our ego’s aside. I believe that no matter how successful or well known we become, nothing will compare to coming home to a loved one that knows us and loves us for who we are, be it our soft side, silly side, or crazy side and it’s a lotta crazies out here lol. If we continue down the paths we are on now there will eventually be no one to come home to and well that’s cool if you want to sit at home watching the next 4 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy alone. Think about it

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Financial Peace (work in progress)

February 28^th 2008 would have marked my 7^th week in my Financial Peace university classes. So far I must say the program is going

amazingly great. Only yesterday I sat down and actually discovered I have a negative net worth of $100,000 (ouch!). Looks bad on paper I know, and people are thinking “how can finding out your broke be great?” Trust me knowing is half the battle. Since I know what debt I have, I was able to formulate a plan to paying things off, and if all goes well I could pay off everything (including my home) in about 5 years that’s if I continued to work my current job and never made anything extra.  

Money don’t grow on trees no sir

 For all my friends that I talk to on a regular basis, you have been made aware of the set backs as far as obtaining a second job (failed drug test), but things are looking up, I may have a job interview at Meijer coming up soon and I will update on that here in the next week or two. 

Milestones  

The past 2 months haven’t been a walk in the park. I have had to turn down parties, trips to the city (the only city I know and love), and dinner and my favorite spots (Ruby Tuesdays and Paneras), I also haven’t seen the insides of a mall for a minute too. But for the sacrifice I have made much has been gained. I now have $1,000 saved (for emergencies), paid off a couple old bills, and actually have stopped worrying about pay day!!! Yea baby.  It is a wonderful feeling I must say and I look forward to seeing the day when I have no bills what so ever. Its going to be a long road (2 years til debt free excluding my home) but the pay off will be having the rest of my life ahead of me to actually enjoy. 

 Randomness

 Unfortunately during these 2 months I have learned that as long as I am alive I will have relationships to go in and out of. I recently entered into a friendship I thought might be promising but so far its looking like it’s a false alarm. Now most days when I get frustrated in dealing with men I say just “Fuck it” but since having some one to hold, kiss, cuddle with and spend time with keeps me sane (somewhat) I just cant say “Fuck it” just yet. I will say the adult in me is learning that everything has its process and I have to learn my tolerance levels before I can forge ahead. I don’t know really what my future holds as far as dating but I do hope there will one day come a light at the end of this tunnel.  

Stay tune…. 

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