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Posts Tagged ‘men’

This past two weeks have been some of the most emotional weeks I have had in a while. Breaking up with the ex, making career changes, trying to stay in line with my debt plan and keeping my full time employment. Sometimes it all gets to be to much. But a recent event today has sparked my interest in changing one thing about me, that could possibly change my life forever…..

To preface this post Mikki is a hornball, ever since I first engaged in sexual activity I have been hooked. I have been loose at times even and I am not ashamed to say that. Now days I have guarded my sexuality a lot more than in the past but I still maintain the freak that I believe myself to be. I always try my best to keep it real on my blog and right now I am gonna try to be 100% real.

Today I had a conversation with a very good male friend of mine. We had that hommie lover friend type deal going on, that never really emerged into a full blown relationship. I have loved this man (so i think) with every fiber in my body, not lust just pure love. Later on though Mikki was rejected so to speak with the preface that it just wasn’t the right timing. Years later after a breakup the timing is possibly right. However, knowing how I feel about sex I wanted to make sure I wasn’t walking into another situation where I wasn’t satisfied. So I proposition my friend to sleep with me so I could really see if we connected on this level. Now yall know this is all sorts of wrong but the selfishness in me long to be sexually fulfilled and not disappointed in any way especially not sexually. So we didn’t have an exact date but we knew before we decided to “commit” to each other that this had to come first….

Then I got a phone call from a newly good friend of mine which I happen to be inspired by every time I speak with her. I told her about my plans and she immediately said DON’T DO IT!! im like why not?? I need to know!!!!! while her points on why wasn’t exactly spilled out in a 2 hour long conversation I got the gist before my phone died. I decided to read up on premarital sex and see how its been affecting me and my relationships. I have never been one to just take someones word for something but I always am committed to researching for my OWN understanding…..

So far its not even right to live together first according to the bible. I been reading everything from bible.com, to an interview with Terrance Howard in Elle magazine about why he went celibate in 2007. I thought I was doing everything right by waiting to be in a relationship which lead to my year long celibacy stint, BUT its really deeper than that and Its my personal objective to find out why is abstinence so important. So for the next few days I plan to study, read up on Gods word and figure out how I am to proceed in my further dealings with men.

I know how committed I am to becoming debt free and all its benefits and I really can’t imagine how life changing it would be to save myself for my husband. Struggle yes? worth it 100 times yes……

I will document my findings as I go and hope that others who read gain knowledge and understanding about purity and Gods word.

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well guys its official I’m getting married single again!!!

Yea Yea I know I know, what happen right??? After all, its only been what 3 months. It was my A.D.D I promise! sike no let me stop joking, actually its rather odd to me that I find this some what of a laughable matter. I feel kinda bad but not in a teary cry a river kinda bad, more like a “he had potential kinda bad”.

I had to break it off with “S” because as much as I wanted to NOT be in the single girls club, I felt like crap in the “relationship club”. Now everybody might be wondering “oh I thought he was such a great guy” you shout him out on gratitude fridays, and even posted a song for him”. I did, and “S” still is a great guy, just not for me.

This that I have learned about “S” in spite of his ability to, cook, take out the trash, buy me nice gifts and shower me with affection, just didn’t sit too well with me and my soul was being drained every extra minute that I stayed with him (read past yesterday). Let me tell ya….

oh and before anybody goes saying oh stop it I am just being picky n stuff just hear me out…

1. Yall gotta know S!X was at the top of the list. I am so so sorry but this woman ( right chea) will not be taking the leader roll in this department, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Some folks are meant to be teachers, heck I do teach, ABOUT MONEY but thats as far as I am gonna go so call me what you want too.

2. Work ethics he has doesn’t excite me. I lived in a single mothers home, my mom raised 2 kids practically alone and she took on jobs that thankfully didn’t involved s*x and drugs. One valuable lesson I learned from my mother is how to WORK, now I didn’t say I liked it but you better believe this girl will work 3 jobs if she gotta in order to get what she needs and take care of herself. A man that isn’t capable of that cant truly win my affection.

3. Family ties, now I will say my family aint all the best of folks but the 3 people that I hold dear to my heart and would do anything for, have very strong value systems, which I 80% of the time try to hold myself to the same standards, I slip up from time to time but over all I am still a good person. There was somethings I found out about 2 people that are close to him, that just didn’t sit well in my heart. Sure its not his fault he was related to them, but I wasn’t going to feel right being part of a family with value systems such as theirs.

“S” truly was the total opposite of these 2 people but I just kept feeling the need to tell him to intersect and fix the situation, or worse I’d fix it. But its wasn’t my place nor his.

4. I got extremely lazy, (as If I wasn’t before) lol. I have dated one man in life that didn’t make me wanna go that extra mile, take that extra class, lose that extra weight. I know men shouldn’t influence the things we do but sadly they do, even if its in a negative way. “S” didn’t give me that “you make me wanna be better” type of feeling and as a result I been slacking on EVERYTHING and that mixed with the A.D.D I already have is NOT a good look.

So there you have it, yea everything is still a bit fuzzy in my brain (i just did this yesterday) but I know It was the right thing to do. I know I had a lot of people cheering on my behalf but I have to stay true to the one person I love the most, ME. “S” is a good man, I hope no one mistakes him for anything other than that, But I would rather be a single lady than to live in a lie…

Whats next you ask?? A break, imma just chill and get back to me.

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The weekend isn’t over but I couldn’t do the whole “Wait til Monday to post” type deal, so here I am on a Saturday night.

Yesterday I went out with out with this girl I met about 3 months ago at a night club named Vickie. I was out on a Friday night having some me time martini’s just enjoying the atmosphere and relaxing. Ya know you don’t always need ya friends to go out for drinks, and well truthfully here in Lansing I don’t have that many. Anyways while I was enjoying my evening by myself Vickie came in with a couple of guys. She was a seemingly tall blond girl with long hair, she wore this cute Grey pencil skirt, with a white top. Honestly she looked like a flight attendant which I thought was super cute. So her and her friends all order drinks and continued to have laughs and what looked like a good time.

So about 30 to 45 minutes something I didn’t expect to happen to me did. This girl outta know where gets up and says hi to me. “Girl are you here by yourself?” she asked “yes I am” I responded wondering why this white girl felt the need to come say something to me. “You are much to pretty to be sitting over here by yourself, you wanna come sit with us?” Now I must admit I was so flattered that she found me attractive but now im thinking she is gay as hell, but whatever its just a bar what the hey. So I join her friends and BOYFRIEND and proceeded to have a good time, me and Vicki have been friends ever since. But this is not the reason for my story I just had to give you some history.

So last night after work me, Vickie, Steve, and Matt decided to go out for drinks at the place we always hang. I don’t honestly have any white friends but these group of people are by far the coolest bunch I have ever met. Anyways so we are out having drinks and a good time and me and Vickie are talking about attractiveness/dating/being out in clubs meeting people. I told Vickie how I don’t really get approached by many guys, she was seemingly amazed by that, exclaiming how gorgeous i am n things of that sort. “you just gotta learn how to speak to guys and be friendly” “Yea Vickie but how?”. Let me show you, so we get up and head to the bathroom, “gotta pee first”. So we are continuing this convo in the bathroom and I have this girl explain to me how to mack. As we proceed to leave a loud knock comes from the door (this wasn’t planned). Its a unisex bathroom so some dude was knocking to make sure no one was in there. Vickie opens the door with a super big smile on her face and belts out “hi boys!” These two dudes standing in front of us responds with a excited hi as well. Vickie starts talking these guys up and finds out one of the dudes has a birthday, and 2 minutes later they are buying us drinks! I was in shock that she did all that in a matter of 5 minutes. “see its easy”.

Fast forward to the reason for this post. I am on the phone with my best friend explaining to her said events and how Vickie the white girl was able to do what she did and how impressed I was. ” Yea but see im not fake like that, those white girls are always in dudes faces and I just don’t do that” This is my best friend talking now. “D” I don’t see anything wrong or classless with the way she approached those men, all she did was started making small talk and was friendly and the convo gets icki right here.

Now me and my bestie disagree on a lotta things so add this to the list. She says that speaking to a dude and “Acting” nice is rather fake. First of all why is putting a smile on your face and saying Hi equal to being fake? Secondly she makes it seem like its a bad white girl thing that my friend Vickie is talking to these guys. I was pretty offended but her response is more typical. Me and my best friend have gone out to clubs on countless occasions, normally its US buying our own damn drinks, US sitting there jibber jabbing with each other good times right? well yea if your Gary Coleman and even he’s more fun than that. She believes that we should wait for men to come to us and well thats exactly what we been doing WAITING. Now before you YES YOU get all bent outta shape, Vickie never said act overly flamboyant or go outta your way, all she said was speak, and smile and compliment them which is exactly what she did. If it was to over the top I woulda known but we actually had a blast and I can’t say that about the times me and my bestie  go out.

Are we as black women so uptight that we can’t even muster a hello to a dude? If thats true well this is one behavior I do not want to adopt. Imgine me having the confidence to make the choice about what man I want to approch and having the odds of him responding positively. I think its a confidence booster and a sure fire way to make sure ugmo isn’t all up in my face sayin “how u doin”. I am pretty annoyed by my best friends mentality and her “thats a white girl thing” assumption if it is so be it, and where can I sign up for this!

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So Its Been a couple weeks now since John Doe came back into my life. I gotta say since the day he left my house its been nothing but bickering back n forth!! I got off the phone with him today and figure now would be a good time to state my case. The man called me selfish!! arggggggg. Why in the world would anybody believe lil sweet Mikki could be caught with that label. Well let me tell ya…

So I been giving John pretty much the 3rd degree for the past few weeks. I explained to him that I didn’t have time to be fooling around with (possibilities of a relationship) He came at me with some “lets see where things go” and I excepted that for a little bit. Things have been “GOING” no place. He calls once in a purple moon. Only visits when he is in town working or picking up his daughter (by way is so cute). The man will swear on his life he is making all the effort in the world to show his worth. But it is ME yes ME who isn’t contributing to the progression of the relationship. Well dude lemmie just clear things up for you. The ONE time you did visit my house, I made you dinner, introduced you to my roommate and made you (100%) made you feel comfortable welcomed, and appreciated so much so that you called me the next day to let me know how greatful you were. Since then I have gotten half assed phone calls returned, and whining about how busy you are with work!! Now guys I don’t hate on hard working brotha’s but is it that much dang blad work in the universe!!! Good gosh!! Yet everytime we get on the phone I am pushed into a corner like im doing the victimizing.

So this time I told Mr Doe. I can’t deal I said it was YOU that approached me not the other way around and if you for one minute think I am going to take you serious you need to prove yourself which thus far you haven’t. His argument was that oh well you can come see me anytime. Dude?? You didn’t invite my ass!!! Can yall hear my frustration??? I told John I don’t need a man, I have gone this far with out one and will be damn if I let one into my life that hardly knows how to call on a regular basis and yes I have been calling too which he pretty much never returns the calls. So im selfish for wanting a man to chilvarize me and make me feel special. He said its suppose to be 50/50 and he was right. But I said I can’t give my 50 when you putting in 32.5 Its just not gonna happen. I have been fine without the kisses and cuddling and obviously sex cuz non of that is or has been going down either, so trust I can go longer if need be. Please don’t treat me like your doing me a favor cuz last I checked they had toys for that my man…..

I am just totally annoyed that he acts like the victim and he just proves why I am choosing to be single. I have been working 2 jobs and even I still can make time for a man (outside of work hours) If I need to or feel your worth driving an hour for. If you want to be my friend coo call when u please, if you want to be my man you gotta do a little better, and if you just want to be my f*ck buddy oh well you got the wrong sista girl Cuz I for damn sure aint the one ya hurdddddddddddddd!!! John Doe you officially have your own category on my blog space congrats….

UGHHHHH!!!

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First I would like to say, The men in my experiment have been acting rather retarded but thats another blog. I just wanted to focus on one that has been on my mind for a day now.

“J” if you do read this please take what I say to heart because its truly coming from within. I meet “J” on blackplanet (for those of you who shun internet dating), he came across my page and decided to send me a message. More recently was the first time we have had a chance to have an actual conversation. Now before I go off into why I am typing this let me give you some background about “J”. He is 35 years old, has a daughter and is a model. Typical male (once married) now divorced, with plans to eventually become a pastor of his own church. When I first spoke with “J” via messenger, he seemed to be the perfect catch, good looks, good income, good interaction with his child, and church ideal right?? I dunno guys. Later I was able to actually have a phone conversation with “J”, and those who know me by now, know I am laid back, silly and speaking my mind most of the time. So im kickin it with “J” on some real ish about the things I like to do, ie go out, drink, have a ball with my girls and occasionally have great sex (which is not existent right now). Soon into the conversation he starts to back track, saying maybe he is going to fast and isn’t sure if our values are inline. What???

Now “J” I love a Godly man, but are you kidding. You telling me because I went out and had a few drinks and backslid from church im to much of a hoodlum for you to date??? I personally suggested “J” date women in church before venturing out into the world but he said he didn’t want stalkers. News flash, you can’t trust the women in your own church imma need you to check ya church my man cuz something isn’t right there. Personally I haven’t attended church because I find way to much drama within the place and I can’t worship with God in a place of underlying chaos. I have a great relationship with God inspite of my backsliding ways. Since I have become more financially stable I have been about Gods work, helping people and giving as much as I can. Truthfully I believe you are doing a disservice when you are not going outside of your church and ministering to those OUT IN YOUR COMMUNITY. But thats another story. Bottom line I felt like I was being judged and this is why stay away from those bible thumpers because they claim to be holier than thou. I will not apologize for you feeling like I would cause you to be some kinda hoodlem and get kicked outta church. I am who I am and I am not changing unless God himself told me to. He is the only one who can judge me.

I personally feel that if we essentially have the same ideas and long term goals there shouldn’t be a problem. For instance I am going hard core extreme with getting out of debt. I would hope that my husband is as much of a radical with getting out of debt as I am or at least not having a money issue to start. I am an idealist and I know as much as I want to dream he is going to be crazy like me, he isn’t. As stated in my previous post money causes a heap of issues long term. On the flip side if my man happens to be a big spender and likes to buy stuff like he drinks water, thats obviously not going to work and I would be a fool to try and make it work. I can see how a man with extreme Godly views would be turned off by my personality a little bit. But one thing people will find about me is that im real all day everyday. I live my life the way I see fit. If your trying to help me because you see me on a destructive path thats one thing but If I am trying to live a good life and not causing you harm then there should not be a problem.

J I really like you but if you see me as some kinda distraction then we both must fall back on a personal and spiritual level. Maybe we can be friends on a business level but as long as you believe me to be a hinderance vs a help mate, then we just wont work out. I hope this turns around and I am reading to much into it. I want a man that builds me up while I am working my way to the top. I am not going to need you as a motivational tool once I am already there which is why so many successful woman are still single.

Can yall digg it!!

Its like the song goes “give me my flowers now while I am here on earth”

****UPDATE****

Yes so, Rev brotha pastor musta took a few days to marinate on the idea of dating me and decided he might want to “get right church!!” lol I’m just playin!! I dunno what he was thinking but he called me and he wants to take me out so I will keep you all posted on how that goes. Hopefully I will not be acting to much of a clown (my usual self)  See some men just can’t resist the chocolate!! lol.

(and no we aren’t going to get slurpee’s!)

holla back pimps

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Recent converstations between my fellow bloggers, has sparked my interest on the subject of hair weave and black women. Now before I get off into this, I want to say this post is not meant to offend any of my fellow counterparts of the same sex. This is a subject near and dear to my heart and its not meant to change minds on the matter(disclaimer)

Yesterday I managed to goggle the subject line “why black women wear hair weaves”. I was amazed of the amount of topis on this particlar subject. It seems to have hit home for a lot of people. A lot of what I want to speak about has already been said so this post is mainly to give my personal views and give some account for myself.

 Trya Banks did a “State of the black woman” and I remember her briefly speaking on the topic of hair. She asked the panel of men what they thought about black women and weave. They all had different answers. One guy said he actually didn’t care.

If you click on the tab above titled “About Me” you will find a professionally done picture of the one and only me. But folks I am here to tell you that long flowing hair you see on my head doesn’t belong to this sista (technically it does since I paid for it) I have worn weave for quite some time but not for reasons many people seem to portray as the “popular reason” here are my “Real reasons”….

1. Its a complete confidence booster when my hair is long down my ass

2. I get way more attention than I do with my natural short hair

3. I get way more attention

I remeber one day In particular I had just come from spending a day at the salon getting my full length quick weave in. I thought I was so fly at the time. I was heading out to my car on that nice sunshine day with my stunna shades on and suddenly cars started going by honking their horns and yellin out windows!!! Mind you I wasn’t dressed hoochified or anything of the sort so the only reason I could contribute to those reactions was my hair.

I was flattered but I thought damn why can’t I get this type reaction any other day. I was mad and thats the day I decided I was going to undo the image I created for myself. Now I don’t knock men for liking long hair after all its what they see on tv and the magazines. The only female I know that most men consider sexy with short hair in the entertainment industry is Nia long, the rest of them is questionable (my opinion). So who am I to be upset? shit you like what you like.

For a long time I struggled with being confident about my outter appearance and I still do today but I am getting better at it. I don’t think I am the finest female on the block when my hair is weaved up but if you go on my myspace page you will see the differences when I have long vs short and its a total 360 as it is for most females. I have had to learn that its not my hair that makes me get noticed its how I dress, walk and talk. The hair will get the quickest response though.

Further more, when I meet a man I want him to see me as I really am natural hair and all. God forbid one day he wakes up next to me and I’m unable to throw on my wig, nails and make-up before he sees and I end up scaring the shit outta him. (men can be shallow). My point is if im not true to my image im not fully true to myself. Now I am not saying I will never in my life wear weave from time to time but for the most part I will take care of and cherish my natural hair.

Oh yea and I like to get freaky with my man and I don’t want him having to worry about pullin out my tracks when we going at it hard core!!!!

so what are your thoughts

The end.

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I have recently visited a couple of my fellow blogger buddies sites to get a bit of incite without having to blog about it on my own since my blogs are suppose to be tailored to finances for a while. This time though I had to do my own simply because It had to do with some of my own issues currently and this entire site is dedicated to me anyways.  

Comebackgirl and SBM have been “going at it” for a minute about rules of engagement and this is my 2.5 cents on the issues at hand..  

I got into this debate about calling (honestly its continually never ending) because I had to personally deal with a guy who wasn’t calling as much as I thought he should. I believe in chivalry 100% but now days I am starting to realize some men just don’t get it. I now realize that men aren’t mind readers and well they certainly don’t have a chivalry button that automatically comes on. They need to be told what to do mainly because they haven’t been taught and are simply lazy.

So the question then comes how much time and effort am I willing to put into making them the man I want them to be.   Now I certainly don’t condone a clueless man some things should just be automatic like opening doors (including cars), and doing whatever means being a gentleman typically you don’t need money to do this. But when it comes to molding that romantic man who calls you at work to say hello, runs your bath water, and takes out the trash I  believe most (not all) need to be told. I heard one woman say “if I gotta tell them that takes the fun out of it” is it better to let him guess and be wrong about your needs and run the risk of him not ever doing the things you want because you didn’t communicate it to him? I believe that once you tell a man your feelings wants and needs and he goes out of his way to be that man for you that is what makes it romantic because he actually cares enough to change. So what I told him to call or send me flowers point is I got them!!! Now if I say baby send me flowers and he never did then we need to talk. 

Overall I don’t plan to spend a year or two or three trying to mold a man. If I have an issue, I will confront you with it, allow you time correct it and if you don’t give you the boot. I don’t think you can make a man be perfect because there will always be issues that arise in a relationship that should be addressed. So from now on I am going to always express my feelings and see where it leads me, hopefully in the right direction of compromise, win win, qid pro qwo whateva all that good stuff!!!! 

Oh yes and to add, each woman has different limits to what they can deal with (thank you comeback for bringing up that point) personally I am not going to fall apart (anymore) over phone calls. Its just not that serious but in comebacks case “O” is in another state so yea I think I would need more calls too. I have a couple friends I don’t take advice from simply because we are in the same boat with a leak, on of my girlfriends actually thinks marriage is a waste of time now seriously when did you come up with this??? Ok I am done.

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