Archive for May, 2008

Recently I was having a discussion with the girls, about the art of the pursuit men vs women. The controversy on the subject was about how men love “the chase” and that any woman that attempts to manipulate Gods divine order will end up going without. Now everybody knows in the last 100 years women have made ample strides and have been extremely successful at manipulating the system. Everything from higher education, sports, corporate America, right down to running for friggin president, women are attempting to “do it all” But on the subject of dating, love, and relationships rules for “Taking the lead” isn’t suppose to apply.

I was told that when out and about meeting and greeting the opposite sex a woman should not under any circumstance verbally let a man know she is interested. Now I personally love my femininity but, I have never tried to “act” interested, ie the smiling extremely hard, uncontrollable ticks and winks, and the giggling loud hemming and hawing type stuff. I typically don’t walk around cheesing to no end all for attention nor do I dress in a provocative way. I am not saying these are the only ways, but for the most part you have to do “something” extreme or subtle to show interest. So why can’t I as a “new age” woman, simply walk up to a man I am interested in and say “hello”. Now I have never been big on approaching the opposite sex, however yall do remember my infamous “I Got Geico’d” story about what happen when I did approach a guy (extremely funny story), so I’m not exactly a mack when it comes to that. I do find it hard to believe that just because I said hello to a man or paid him a compliment to strike a conversation, I’m somehow now roll reversing and dooming myself from a man taking me serious.

Now ladies and Gents I fully understand that men love the chase and all that jazz, but what about those opportunities I miss for the man to speak to me because I wasn’t 100% on my sending vibes game? Am I just outta luck?? Now understand I am not talking about the boldness of ladies these days telling a dude to “Take me home” or slapping him on his ass, im just saying can I say “Hello”???? I want to fully understand how me saying hello or “your shirt is nice” some how shifts the paradigm and severely alters the don’t take my macho man creed. The shit aint right simply put.

So here I am out on a quest to “Test” the theory that I can’t be considered anything more than a jump off, all from initiation of conversation . I really do like to take advise (most days) but I also like to find out things for myself and draw my own conclusions. I could be way off guard and crossing the line on this issue but for peace of mind (drama and argument) sake I have to go out and try this stuff.

So the next couple post will be about the experiment (For the most part) And yes I will be frequenting the club scene a little bit more (sad I know). So far I have had 3 attempts to test the theory and 1 out of 3 have had some slight results, But I am on a mission to get the dirt 100% so stay posted!!



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How convienient

I don’t care much for sex in the city but I did this quiz after I posted my blog and visited my girl KB. Ironically this is what it said about me.

You Are Most Like Miranda!

While you’ve had your fair share of romance, men don’t come first
Guys are a distant third to your friends and career.
And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses.
Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen.

Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect…

But you’ll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

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Tho there are about a bazillion things I wanted to update my blog with, I found the most prevalent topic was relationships so I wanted to vent about a recent encounter.

A day or two ago I was contacted by a straight up throwback not like the throwback in the text message madness post, this one was on a different level. The relationship was almost 2 summers ago and when it started out everything was wonderful he was the perfect man for chivalrizing me doing everything from calling me everyday to say hi and ask how my day was going, all the way to making sure my birthday was extra special. He really understood how much the little things added up. But he had a flaw as I always tend to think men do. He was always working, everything was work this work that work work work work friggin work. After a while I started to feel a separation of feelings. Everytime he went away my feelings faded, I can’t even say it was the A.D.D because when ever we where together he had my attention. It was more so that I hadn’t built up enough confidence in my relationship to be cool when he was away for long periods of time. Long story longer he fell out of touch with me and never called me again. I was hurt and it took me a while to not worry about why he left. I remember our last encounter very vividly and looking back I can say it wasn’t a good visit. He had went out of town and was gone for a few weeks and by the time he returned I was emotionally gone from our relationship.

Anyways he found me via Blackplanet and emailed me. We had a long talk about everything that has happened in the past two years and about how he felt about our situation and why he bounced on a sista. I think we both got our feelings out on the table and I made it clear that I am finally happy with the way my life is going right now and I don’t want to complicate it. He insisted on us keeping in touch and just “seeing where things go” I fought it but in the end I backed off and decided I could manage that much. I really did like this guy so I can’t say the flame can’t be rekindled. He expressed how he needed someone to be understanding about his job (because it really hasn’t changed), and I expressed that I needed someone to make me feel stable. Not sure if he got the memo but we will see.

Its funny how when you proclaim your not going to do something ie date, everybody starts wanting to be around you. I defiantly want to keep my eyes and options open but I also want to manage to enjoy things as they are which is hard for me at times. This is almost where I draw the line between white women and black women and Hasani don’t jump out your skin. But to a certain point I do feel “other races” Understand how to nurture a mans ability to provide no matter what he is doing in reference to providing for the family, they don’t argue, they don’t kick and scream about him not being home enough or calling or what ever little hang ups we have, they simply just let him take care of them. I want to try and see where that mentality leads me, not in a sense to be taken advantage of but to emotionally let a man be a man if that makes sense.

Tomorrow I am going out with my roommate to a club so I am going to try to just have a little fun and enjoy myself and deal with the rest it comes.

So this song is the jam of the week, altho its about cheating I just love this song and its sorta fitting for what this situation reminds me of

John Legend “Again”


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I spent like 2 hours trying to upload, My girl “D’s” Debt free scream but I couldn’t do it so here is the link http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/ click listen live archive on may 23rd, She came on about 10 minutes into the show. Anyways if you don’t go on-line and listen let me give you the rundown.

I met “D” through the online form My Total Money Makeover.com. She came across a post of mine and decided to email me. Unfortunately through Daves site there is no way of knowing exactly who you are talking to, outside of advatars & pictures on the side bar that is voluntary which I may add there are only 2 black advatars (side note I should email Dave for more) I totally digress. Anyway, I love the color rainbow but its particularly empowering to see “my people” Getting jiggy with their finances. Without being so blatant to state the fact that I am a black woman, you simply just see that silly picture of me with the paper plate hat and my tag line says “Sista on a mission” which most get the point lol. Anyways “D” emailed me and was happy to find another friend of color. She actually is from Detroit but moved to PA and has been there ever since. We had been emailing back and forth for a couple weeks talking about money and finances forming a wonderful sisterly bond.

Well on Friday this sista called in Dave’s show to scream that she was completely out of debt!!!! D paid off a total of 50k in debt in 23 months!! That included student loans, personal loans, 401k debt, car loan, credit cards, and money she owed to her parents. Yes I am proud to say my girl is Debt free! When I listened to the show I was out done she gave a wonderful testimony and a shout out to her church in PA, yall know us black folk gotta do shout outs lol!! anyways She will be 31 in July making 70k a year with not a single bill to her name. I just wanted to use her as an example to show my fellow fans and followers that this stuff is real and anybody can do it. I called D after she emailed me to tell me she called the show and we talked for a half hour, we have plans to hang out when she comes to Detroit again and I personally can’t wait. She is my new inspiration along with so many other people from the TMMO forum that have inspired me to get gazelle intense with paying off debt. I encourage anyone who reads my blog to check out the show and listen to her talk about becoming debt free.

Love yall!!

 edited/updated 20 minutes later: there are about 5 black men advatars (one with dreds and an old man) and 2 black women, one is a police officer, so we need a few more black women, but I guess if he added more black women he would have to add more asians, mexicans,italians too lol.

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My BFF Brad Recently wrote a post for me in response to the recession talk. Now I hardly ever never get into debates about whats going on with the economy  OR politics, but over the past week I have argued with just about every body I know. Now for most of my great income earner blogger friends, such talk is irrelevant, but some others need a bit of help, and Brad saves the day once again, guys & and gals read up and leave your thoughts!!

Happy Weekend

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So I finally did it, I got braces!! Its been a long time coming but one of my dreams has finally come true. I had been doing all the preliminary things for what seems like eternity when you hate the way your smile looks. Doing fillings, the wisdom teeth being pulled out, by which thank God I don’t have pictures for proof of that horrid time in my life. Anyways all this time I wanted to get the invisaline but could never afford them (to the tune of 5,000) But since I been on a budget and have been saving I have been able to afford them. I didn’t want the inconvenience of regular train track braces so I was willing to pay the cost.

So I go in to get what I thought was a quote on invisaline (my 4th one) and the doc actually suggested another method which turned out to be $2,300 instead of $5,000!! I was elated to say the least considering my insurance kicks in about $1,500 of that cost. It’s the same type of process only it’s an actual brace on your teeth that you can remove. Since invisaline is outsourced it’s easy for the manufactures to price them so high and the dentist doesn’t have to do much work and makes a smaller profit. I wish I was told about the other method to teeth straightening long ago because I would have done it then.

Right now I have what looks like a retainer on my teeth (to spread them out). It’s pretty uncomfortable and I swear my saliva is maximized 200% (like yall wanted to know that) I can’t talk worth 2 cents either (marble mouth). I still have to wear them 24-7 and brush my teeth 4 times a day. I can take them out when I eat, which is cool. So far I’m being told this process will take about 8 months. People who know me might ask why I am doing this so late in life since people generally can’t see my crooked teeth, but if you get all up in my grill you will notice. I have always been a little self conscious about my smile considering I smile a lot that’s a big deal. For me it’s about my self confidence which is extremely important at the ripe old age of 25 lol. It’s going to be a long process but I’m ready for the challenge….. I think??

This is my song dedication to myself Shanice

“I love your smile”

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