Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Well my fellow blogger friends, Since I moved my rants and raves about debt over to my friends site I can now get back to the business of talking about other stuff! Sorry the debt stuff just over came me!!

Anyways yesterday I was talking to my good friend about people we used to sleep with and why. He went on to describe a girl that was all of about a -8 outta 10 in the looks department and he had no intentions on ever I repeat EVER being in a relationship with her. As all woman, we think men will sleep with just about anything walking But this girl had something special. She could put it down in the bed like no one he had ever meet in his life. He went on to give me all the details clearly and vividly about some woman he knew all of 10 years ago!! I think he actually made his self hard while talking about it (sorry) but he did!

Anyways as I listened to him rant I couldn’t help but think about that one guy (yes one) that I currently hold every man to his bar for (which is VERY HIGH). The man knew how to flip it, smack it and rub it down. I knew every time I would see him that I would not be disappointed when we got busy and well I still think about it like it was yesterday just like my friend does. But he was someone in spite of his sexual capabilities he and I had no right to be together. I often wondered why I would keep dealing with our fights, and bickering over dumb stuff and for a minute I thought I loved the man. But my friends it wasn’t love it was the other L word, Lust.

I know sometimes its hard to keep the two separated, but I swear everytime you hear your friend say oh she put a brick in his window, or I got a ppo on that crazy b*tch for putting a knife on my pillow with red kool-aid on it and a note saying “imma kill yo ass*. No my friends this is not love like you think, this is straight up lust. I mean I know we have all fell in love a time or two, but sex good sex can make you do way more crazy ish than love ever could. I know, even though I have never put peanut butter n somebodies gas tank I sure have thought about it, and I know it wasnt cuz I loved that foo!!

Anyways once I figured out that it wasn’t love, I was able to let go of the situation. I think we all need to take a step back and analyze why we stay with people who aren’t capable of making us happy outside of sex. Trust me its good for the soul and whatever, but word of advise don’t go dumping you lust buddy until you can be with someone you love, dont want u to get fired from you job because you threw a computer out of a window (i have never done this).

So good people, who do you love lust???

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Its been a rough but good last few weeks. I have been paying off debt left and right and It really feels good, but I have been working my tail off doing so. Working 2 jobs is a mutha sucka at times. Right now I am feeling A little down and overwhelmed and let me tell ya why.

My relationships over the past few weeks haven’t been the greatest. I told someone to kick rocks because I didn’t like their glasses. I have a thing for clean cut men, but one must understand clean cut is not the equivalent of dorky looking. I know I can be shallow but attraction is a big thing for me and well I don’t really need to explain do I?? Anyways I think I hurt his feelings but even still, there was still other factors that overall caused me to make a decision on the more negative side. After I broke the news about being “just friends” he informed me that he is going to start being mean to women because being nice doesn’t get you anywhere. I had lots to say on that but thats a whole other post lol. Anywhoot I really superly think its time for a break……….period.

Other things going on have to do with work, debt and a few other endeavors I wish to embark on. I am going to be taking on a new goal that involves my full time job. I haven’t exactly been the best employee when it comes to getting to work. I am the one who is always late, and always leaving early. Last week I did my time sheet and it just looked like who did it why and what for, I had been running errands, leaving in the middle of the day, and getting to work pretty much when i felt like it. My boss didn’t say anything but I knew she was like what tha?? So starting this past Monday I have made a commitment to getting to work on time and not taking days off for the next 1.5 years (long time eh). I always take a day off here and there never really building any vacation time and im always in the negative. Well when the time comes for me to be outta debt I suspect I am going to want to celebrate by going some place. This task itself is overwhelming but I am going to really stick to it as best I can.

Also I am looking in to purchasing my first investment property (all cash of course) and coordinating a financial peace class here in Lansing. More details will come on these things as I get them in the next couple weeks. On top of all this I am taking classes to make sure my real estate license stays active which is time consuming to say the least.

So I guess all in all I plan to be proactive. I am not going to really worry about my long lost boo to be, it gets draining after while and I really need my energy to stay up!! Bout to be 26 and I gotta look 26 not 36 ya hurd meh!!

Anyways for the next few weeks/months I am going to go hard core on getting things done, no distractions no drama no calls no nothing, just work work work. I am starting to realize that sometimes you have to go it alone, I have become much stronger in the last year and I think I have grown in ways I didn’t know I would or could. The year has been a really good one and I look forward to whats ahead in my social life, business life and work LIFE.

As always I will keep writing as I continue to grow and love the woman I am becoming.

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What used to be

Today I went out on a limb and e-mailed my ex best friend “C”. During the last few months of our relationship things took a turn for the worst. We argued just about everything under the sun, and the icing on the cake was when all the drama happen with the apartment that made me finally say “its time to let go”

I always think people have a special place in our lives at certain times, and for certain reasons. My relationship with “C” has been one of many faces. We shared a LOT of our success together, more of our rough patches, family issues, friends issues, work issues, all of it we went through together for 3 whole summers. We had a bond that was seemingly unbreakable and well simply put I wanted it back.

After I emailed “C” (we haven’t spoke in months) he responded “Hey sis. I have not heard from you in a loooooong time but I figure that I would let you do your own thing until you felt you were ready to contact me. I have just been on the road trying to make things happen. I hope all is going good for you. Call me after 9pm if you want to talk”

I am going to call him and see what resolve we can come to, hopefully things will work out for the better. I don’t even intend to yell at him, or express my deepest anger about what happen, I just want to let it go and move on. He is and will always be my best friend, and hopefully we both have grown since we last spoke.

reconciliation is a beast!

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I’m Spoiled

So there I was sitting on my bed thinking about that argument between me and John Doe. I recalled just about every word I said to him and I figured out why it just would not have worked. Yup you guessed it I am spoiled!!! Not so much in a sense of gimmie this or gimmie that (Well maybe) But when you been single for so long and you finally meet someone you automatically think spoil me (well atleast I do).

I always feel this sense of entitlement when I get into new relationships, maybe I should feel like that??¬† I think the difference between other men and John was that he felt the same way. Maybe all men feel that way but I have never meet one who acted like it. Imagine always being the one who gives gives gives only to never get back. Maybe thats how John D felt in his relationships and so when it came to me, he figured well no more giving its time for me to get!! I wouldn’t be rationalizing his actions on a normal day but I kinda put myself in his shoes, I still think he had way to much bitchassness going on but now I know why…….

Are you spoiled??

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Ok by now everybody must know that if I am not on a quest to find love I am on a quest to get money. Over the last 2 months the issues have been about relationships. I have had my run ins with the shall nots, have nots, and will nots, of the opposite sex pool but recently I encountered something that right now I can’t figure out, which is why I finally decided to post about it.

About a week or 2 ago I started praying. I asked God to send me a man, and I listed every quality known to man that I thought he should have. Now this list has been tweaked over time cuz before I was leaving ish out and well that didn’t go so well most days lol. But this list I was sure I had down packed. So a few days later I get an email and here is what it said

Wow hi you are a hard person to find!! I have been looking for you for about 3 or 4 years. I hope you rember me I worked with you a while ago. Well I am looking forward to talking to you hopefully soon!!!!”

There was a picture beside it and when I clicked on it I thought?? hmmm do I know this dude, stalker perhaps??. He didn’t say where exactly, so I attempt to remember every fine dude at work cuz u know ya girl won’t let a sexy sexy slip away so fast with passing me first lol. So I spent about 1 hour trying to recall every job in my life and it hit me like a 1 year old throwing his sippy cup going straight for my head!!!! WALLY WORLD!!! yes!!! I meet J at walmart.

J was a cool kat, rather dorky in my opinion but cool. We kicked it with each other on a regular basis for the short time I spent there but never on a serious tip. I honestly thought nothing of it back then, I was all of 22 or 23 trying to stay above water on bills. So almost 3 years later J finds me and we spent the next few days talking about whats been going on. I found myself opening up to him about everything and he was extremly calm and understanding about my situation. He also went on to inform me that all this time he has been looking for me, asking around to see if anybody knew me. Well I don’t hang in lansing so that odds of anybody knowing me would be 1 in a million. I was taken back that he was trying to find me and felt a bit flattered…………. so the story goes on.

Since that day me and J have been in communication. We had 2 rather fun dates and we talk every day now. He is the sweetest guy. On the scale of attraction he is definantly not ugly, tall (6’3) a lil skinnier than most, caramel completion, and glasses, kinda still has the dorkiness to him but nothing that can’t be worked on with a couple new outfits. He opened ALL of my car doors on the dates and footed the bills and didnt ask for ass in return lol. To me thats a BIG step from the norm lol. The other big thing about him was that he talked about the exact same financial goals and opinions as me, about being frugal, and spending less money, the man is even almost done paying off his house! I mean I really couldn’t have asked for him to sound much better than he did…… (deep sigh of relief)

So you ask why am I conflicted?? Well because sometimes tho I AM not a bible thumper. I can be extremely spiritual (got it from mom) I always analyze if something is of God or if its the devil playing tricks on my mind. I was thinking like maybe its another one of the devils tricks to get me off track, my mind went pretty crazy from there. I was able to talk to my best friend and she was very insightful, she told me only time will tell whats to come of this and she was right. So I am trying to play it cool and not get caught up in what may or may not be. Also J has 2 kids (Same mom) But I remember asking God for a man with NO kids, so why would he give me a man with 1 let alone 2??? I know there is a reason for everything and even tho no kids was on my deal breaker list, I had to remember why and that was because i had a fear that the guy wasnt taking care of them. J actually has custody of both children and the man worked his ass off to get them which says TO ME a lot about the type of guy he is (when it comes to taking responsibility for them that is). Who knows maybe I can look past the children?? I just don’t know about all this.

I do know I am over such n such from the last post!!!!! I believe God sends people in your life for a reason. So J why are you here????

On with new things!!!

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I was layin in my bed (napping) earlier today and this guy popped up in my head which he so often does. I thought to myself, “why can’t I get him off my brain?” Then I started to answer my question and thought maybe if I wrote it down I could also figure out a way to let it go at the same time. So lets see if it works…..

1. You by far are the finest man I have ever met in my entire life. My best friend thinks your “not hot” But for some reason you come off as the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe its your eyes, maybe its how you walk, or how you dress could be that you look like a tall drink of water to me. I haven’t met any man to date that compares and I really should let it go…..

2. The sex was the greatest of all time. I shouldn’t let you know that because it only seems to fuel your ego and send you on an “im the greatest” rampage that last for months on end and leaves you to forget about me until its time for you to be “Stroked yet again”. Maybe I should just let it go……

3. Your arrogance, evasiveness, and nonchalant attitude kept me intrigued. I dunno why, but I always thought I could just break the barrier that you held so tough and I would “win”. Maybe it was no such thing and you just weren’t that into me, I read way to much into it and I need to let it go……

4. Your an ass and I liked it. Nothing about you (in my opinion) is nice. You pretend that your a people person and want everything to be right with the world. But your selfish and you don’t even notice it. You play victim in almost every case and refuse to believe that maybe you yes you could be the problem. Yep its time to let it go……

5. You liked to be loved by many and thrive on the fact that women hang off your nuts. You don’t lead people on true, but you have a way of making “us” believe that sometimes its more than it really is, and you feed into their thoughts by hanging on just enough for them to stick around. Really gotta let it go….

Ok lets revisit this in 48 hours and see if it worked…..

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