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Usher and Marriage

Ok so here I am popping on my music from Imeem and I decided to listen to the new song by Usher called “Papers”. Basically a song about how the marriage he had went down the crapper and he was ready to be divorced.

While I understand and cut Hollywood and stardom a little slack, I still don’t understand why people have such a low regards for marriage that they just up n leave when it gets hard. Its starting to really tick me off how people even have the balls to get married knowing full well the point of marriage only to end it over the STUPIDEST of things. “He made me drive a pinto and I wanted a honda so its not gonna work” Or “she never cooks and can’t open a beer bottle with her teeth while wearing 6 inch heels every day so im out” I mean its ridiculous. If you had the slightest inclination that it wouldn’t work, then why do it?

People get married all the time for the wrong reasons which I understand, but once your in it why can’t you just stick it out. Sometimes I often wonder if marriage is even for me almost like well if nobody cares about marriage why should I do it? It longer has the value placed on it like it used to and its looked at as just something to do these days.

I really wish people would start taking these commitments to each other a LOT more seriously. Our children are suffering because of it and we are becoming a more and more narcissistic society living in the “its all about me and my happiness” type of a world. When will people realize that its not JUST ABOUT YOU and get over themselves.

I think it should be a lot harder to divorce someone than it is now. I think if it was harder to get out people wouldn’t take it so lightly. The song “papers” is stupid and I WISH a fool might try to divorce me over some dumb stuff. You won’t at all be singing a song called papers you will be singing “I wish she hadn’t thrown them hot grits on me while I was butt a*z naked” now you can sign your PAPERS!

When its really over

Incase anyone didn’t know I love to talk about relationships. I have no idea why but it just never gets old even when I am in them I can always find something to share about a situation. As of late I have been dealing a bit with my ex. He recently started to contact me and attempting to come around. Well I must say the attempts were very short lived. I figured out dude was basically trying to get into my good graces so he could have a place to stay while he was in town working 5 days a week at his new gig. Needless to say he did a terrible job of smoozing (i think) and I caught wind.

I was a little disappointed at first, simply because I haven’t been on ANY dates, and secondly because there was a glimmer of hope in me thinking he would have changed by now. Being in the sitution however made me wonder how many of us go to any lenghts to try and save something out of despiration or pure bordom. I can’t imagine what actually would have happen had I allowed this sharrade to continue.

Now that its over I wonder what my future holds. Will I be as closed as I am now to dating? will I always try to find motive behind a situation or simply just enjoy the momement? I guess only time can tell.

Has anyone ever attempted to make a situation work even though you know in the end it wouldn’t, have you ever stayed with someone because of bordom? Have you ever been blinded to being played?

bonnie_clyde_465x402Ok let me clarify before I start writing about the topic this is not my sentiments anymore(end).

I have a pod cast that I listen to every day called the mark gungor show, before I rant about how funny they are listen yourself. Anywhoot the topic that peeked my interest was a subject about how we go about the dating process.

For the longest time in my life I always thought that if my family or friends didn’t approve of who I was dating I would say screw u I am going to do what I want anyways. I hated the idea of people “medaling” in my love affairs unless I cared to share the information with them. Everybody had an opinion about what so n so should be doing and blazy blazy. The more I listen to the nay sayers the more I would back away and do my Bonnie and clyde/us against the world stance. I would classify those who didn’t like my situation as a “hater”, they dunno what they talmbout they just jealous of ME!

Well in all my years of dating I realized now (post mark) that its probably not the best idea to date someone solely. As much as we may hate to admit it our friends (true ones) and family don’t ware the same rose colored glasses as we do while we are dating. They tend to see things in a much clearer light because THEY aren’t in it. Now take note i do understand there are those who can never speak any good into your life but if you live and operated in a healthy environment your people can usually give you sound advise. On the radio show mark mentioned out in other cultures they do more of the “arranged marriages” while i don’t totally agree with this concept I do agree with the premis that FAMILY AND FRIENDS should in fact be way more involved than we allow.

I know its scarey at first but trust if you allow your self to be exposed chances are you would save yourself from a world of heart ache. I would even attempt to say this is the MOST selfish good thing you can do for your current or future dating relationship. I haven’t had a chance to test the waters but I am certainly going to let people in on my relationship and actually allow my beau to be around my family and friends a LOT. My family and friends now me best and if anyone can assure I am making the right choice its them.

So good people do you usually involve your family and friends in your dating process or make sure they actually get to be around your s.o or do you bonnie n clyde it down the isle. Would you be willing to change your process if you knew it would keep you from making wrong choices?

Jesus In a bottle

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Hello fello bloggers!! Yes I have been gone for a minute but I am back again as always. A lot of things have taken place in the last two or three months but I can say most have been positive changes which going on 27 in two weeks I can appreciate the good things.

Recently I got into a conversation with a friend about my stance to become celibate until marriage. Its not something that I really felt comfortable with speaking on at first but I realized the things that have happened in my life because of this has had a major impact. Since the decision I have come closer to my faith. Its been a challenging change to say the least. Not so much that I miss chexing but more about what it represents.

For a while I had been struggling with surrendering myself to the Lord. I didn’t feel like (at first) that just because I gave up chex that my whole world would turn upside town. I thought I would basically say “God I did this for you, now its your turn to bless me with a good man” Its only until resently I realized what “Dying to self” actually meant. When I made my decision to be celibate I thought I had already died lol. Really I hadn’t given myself to God because I was still “Waiting” to be blessed.

Over the last few weeks I have been learning about giving myself “Totally” to God and at first I was scared. The thought of having to basically stop hoping, wishing, praying that God would just magically send me someone. I kept hearing single people should serve God. What does that mean exactly, because I am single I have to be this way for life? when is ok to have a man?? All these thoughts raced through my head and I NEVER wanted to accept that this could be my life FOREVER. I can’t say I am 100% over the “Idea” of love and marriage. But I have slowly come to realize that God isn’t my genie in a bottle. Even though he puts “Conditions” on us doesn’t mean we can treat him in the same manor simply because we are fickle people and change like the wind. I know as much as I try to keep my promise I can sometimes fall short. God NEVER fails…..

I want to exemplify what it means to “die to self” giving myself totally to God without any worries of my future. I don’t want to worry if I get married. If I don’t get married I still will remain celibate because this is what is required of me. I still pray God blesses me but I no longer dwell or let my life revolve around “marriage”.

Have you ever thought of putting “conditions” on God tit for tat?? Have you ever thought of dying to yourself. Do you think you could do that if God never gave you the desire of your heart?

Today i feel..

Content but i still want more

Sad with no really valid reasons

Pregnant when i know im not

Excited but not exactly ready for change to come

Worried most of my close friends are no longer that

Bored without debt to constantly worry over because its almost gone

Dreamy about my future

self concious about what some folks think of me

Ready to decorate and make this new place my home

How do you feel today??

Weekend Fab

I had a pretty good weekend, for my few fans that care lol. Nothing exciting went down but I got some much needed chill time. Being single seems to be relaxing these days. Nobody callin me 24-7, all up in my face, kissy face lovey dovey stuff. Its just me, and right now I like it.

I am grateful for the day I get into a committed relationship but also glad I can enjoy just being with myself and having a good time. I encourage single people to embrace the time because you can’t get it back. Travel, meet new people, come and go as you please, and just do you!!

thats all…..

Everyone knows by now how i have felt about high education in the past right?? If not let me refresh you. College wasnt the place i wanted to be. I couldnt stand those higher horse educated black folks and refused to jump on that band wagon. Well today i got into it with a friend about it and it ticked me off.

First let me say my opinion about college has changed 100%. I understand the importance and all that. However i still dont believe one should go into debt to finish. People now days dont believe you can complete higher education without debt. This is where the argument started. Mind you im arguing with a person who has managed to complete 2 years of higher education debt free??? She was sayin its impossible because she was faced with needing to borrow.

I got mad at her because she used my prior opinion as a bases of me being against her choice to go into debt. News flash even when i was in college i hatted getting loans to pay for it pre dave n all. I think college is great and eventually im going back even if it takes me a while im gonna do it debt free.

She doesnt want to put off school just because she cant pay out of pocket and i respect that, but dont think because i choose to wait doesnt mean i dont value it as much as the next.

I know everybody is in debt but im taking a diff route. I dont ask people to agree i just ask u to respect my choice…..

Dedicated

As of late I have been able to dedicate myself to a lot of positive things. I became a member of my church recently and decided to dedicate my life to Christ. I am dedicated to learning about how to date, be a better person, getting out of debt and a bunch of other things. But Yesterday I was attending a good friend of mines fundraiser. I hadn’t supported her in her campaign efforts since God knows when. She has been running for city council and I have totally been MIA. Yesterday I realized how much I had been out of touch and I felt a pain in my stomach and I felt like i had failed a friend.

I always preach about friends this and that but how much of a friend have I been as of late?? Probably not a good one because just like the people i complain about I ACT LIKE just on a different level. Today I realized it and it hurt me bad but I had to own up to it so I could face it an deal with it. Just because I messed up doesn’t mean I can’t make it right, right???

So I called up my girlfriend and apologized as best I could (cuz i suck at this) and told her I would do my best to help her from this point on. She said it was ok but you know deep down actions speak louder than words. So I thought of one area I KNEW she always needed help and the only real area i knew how to help with was with the children. I told her I would come get the kids the next day and she was very grateful. See my friend always knew she needed help but she isn’t one to ask especially when it comes to her children because she feels like she shouldn’t have to “Ask” if you really cared about them that way. I can’t actually blame her to a certain extent but I know if it was me I would call err body to come watch my kids lol. Anywhoot…..

I promised myself that I would go and watch the kids a few times a week until the election is over. That is the least I can do as a friend and she is just that kind of person that would do the same for you.

So for the next 2 months this is one BIG thing I am going to dedicate myself to and ask God everyday to keep me and the kids safe cuz uh lawd knows I love the kids but ummm im no suzie home maker lol. I think it should be fun spending a lot of time with them and hopefully can learn from this experience. I want to be a person that people can depend on and I also want to follow through with things I say I am going to do. This is my second chance.

Mikki

I know this topic comes up again and again, but I have to speak on it once more because 1. It never gets old and 2. It happened to me.

Recently I was reconnected with a blast from the past (worksite jada). He reached out to me via email after a year of not speaking due to me ending it. Obviously it was for good reason but for some reason I thought things might be different. For a while (read a week) things actually were different, we talked every day via email, text and hours on the phone. It was pretty cool. Then one day I got an email “hey yea member that girl I told you about?” Yea well we went on a date……..

This for me is where it pretty much ended. Suddenly the phone calls stop, texting stops, emails are there but fading into black. I saw all these signs smacking me in the face saying its time for me to act like a banana and split but something in me needed conformation.

So Mik gets bold and brave enough to ask the question “Dude what happen?”

Dude: I been in church all week and got super busy….

Dude: I am over in my text messages……(we have mobile to mobile)

Dude: I figured you might be sleep and I knew you was going out of town.

Dude: Work? Oh yea I was busy there too!!!

Dude: Its really not like that……

Seriously? You think that for a second I am buying any of these excuses? I am not the brightest crayon in the box but I do know when I am being played. So he insisted once again that it wasn’t like that and apologized again. I am a big creature of habit and if you start out one way and suddenly things are MUCH different im going to side eye you.

Thankfully I saw the sign and It opened up my eyes I saw the sign……. (song break) and I wont continue to go down this path with this dude.

Have you ever had clear signs that he wasn’t that into you and you ignored them and kept forcing something that would probably never be right?

Benefit choself foo!!

Its Tuesday and im just now getting around to posting on my blog. The weekend was pretty cool, It started off with going to my moms church to hang with her youth department, reminded me why i need not have kids right now. Friday was super fun had a blast at the java exchange cafe, hearing spoken word, and some gospel rap. It was really cool meeting all the new people and just being in an environment that wasn’t club related. Saturday I slept and Sunday I hung with my fam and we had a ball.

But this post isn’t about my weekend its about something I discovered while you guessed it “reading”. The book was talking about how we don’t do enough to benefit ourselves. Now you probably thinking isn’t that selfish? well not what I am talking about. What I mean by it, is to do things that actually enhance your life or intend to at some point. An example that was given was cable tv that never gets watched and how you could put the 50 or 80 bucks to better use. Now im not even talking about a dave book so don’t trip lol. But when we get rid of things that aren’t really helping (but not really hurting you either), it allows room for things that actually do HELP.

I figured out something I was holding on to, that for a few reasons I hadn’t exactly “let go” either from laziness or just the simple fact that I was delusional about the potential of this “thing”. Today I started to think about what could happen if i let it go and WOW!!! its a lot…..

Sometimes we get used to doing things out of habit or justifying them just because its a part of life and not realizing where we could improve because of something in the way. Not really talking about cable so much but think about a person that keeps you down, or a bad habit that you can’t kick, or an item that you know could be beneficial to another person but you just won’t let it go. I am rambling but my point is successful people don’t hold on to clutter, if something is weighin them down they get rid of it in order to work on the things that DO keep us moving in the right direction. We all want to be successful in life and we all could name a few things that keep us from focusing 100% on our goal. So im gonna get rid of my “thing” and make room for more prosperous things to take place, what are YOU gonna do???

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my “thing”

If you didn’t hear already, this past weekend was great. I went to salsa bootcamp and a salsa social. I learned a lot of new moves and discovered that this would be something I would like to get good at. This weekend I also faced some rejection, but you know they say for every door closed one will open!! Its funny because not many women put them selves out there to even be rejected. I feel like the more I step out the more im not afraid to go after what I want and it actually feels good.

Even thought I don’t exactly have my numbers up yet, I have been having really the time of my life, getting out meeting new people men and women alike. I can’t say I haven’t done this much in a few years and I really don’t remember why I had not before. Since being on the plan my life is becoming a little more enhanced each day. I am finding what I love and what I could care less about, im finding out more about my faith walk as well. Also being able to tap into some old good habits that I neglected a while ago.

Funny none of it really has to do with men, its just learning to do me. I never really realized until now how fun is it to be single as in being free to make plans for whatever, go here go there and not have anyone say I can’t. I think im actually over booking stuff to do!! Now trust I haven’t forgotten about my 5 numbers a week, but what I have learned more so that its has to do with learning me as I stated already 100 times. As I get out more and more I will eventually get my numbers up and have prospects but its certainly ok with out them right now. I just want to have a good time and I am doing just that.

Lesson 1.5

rejection can be a beast but you must keep moving right along!

Better after 40?

I had the pleasure last night of taking myself out on the town, and I must say I had the best time. I had basically forced myself to drive to Detroit after being told my friend wasn’t going to make it to the after work mixer with me. So I headed down anyways and after calling a few male friends that flaked, i was all by myself. It ended up working out that I was alone because I was suppose to be working my “experiment”. I am happy to report I did get a number!! ok so technically I didn’t get it myself someone got it for me and the guy is like pushin 50, but its just a date right??? lol

Anyways I had a ball, just kicking it, dancing and being with people. I love going back to detroit and last night was one of those times I missed my city. But I am side tracking…….

I ended up asking a girl sitting next to me to do the ball room hustle since no one had gotten out on the dance floor yet, she agreed by the end of the night I had 3 new friends all over 40. After dancing my butt off and having my chicken wings stolen, we chatted it up about you guessed it MEN!! I was first in shock because not only was all three people over 40 but they all were MARRIED, why is a married person out at the club without there s.o??? They all had interesting stories and when I say I was schooled? I am not kidding. I can’t even tell you about half the stuff they had to say about being young vs old, whats REALLY important in a relationship all the way down to sex lol?? at the bar no less. At any rate one thing the two women kept sayin was make sure a man is stable and DO NOT marry for LOVE!! wha?? what do you mean?? She said its all cute at first but when YOU get it to it you will find that there are more things that are important than love.

This is shocking to hear a woman say but maybe its true? Idk, what I do know is that I look forward to just enjoying myself having a ball making friends and living life! after all it is what this experiment is about in part, it just sucks that i have to drive an HOUR to find entertainment!!

Anywhoot stay tuned? will Mik go out with the 50 year old?? will she not???

the no title post

As you all know I will be documenting my dating experiences on my blog. Today I am super tired from the weekend so bare with a sista!

Friday night, I went to salsa class in my attempts to “leave the house” as the book (how to find a man worth keeping) states, your husband is not going to fall out the sky so get active. I have to admit just leaving my house and doing something out of the regular was extremely fun. I got a chance to dance with this super cute 2520 which im shocked i even found him attractive. I believe since I started to go by the “no expectations rule” I was able to step out side of my 6’0 chocolate brown brotha idea.

I am suppose to be getting 5 numbers a week, keep in mind I don’t actually have to go on a date, i just have to have prospects. I must admit that this might be harder that I thought. I realized this weekend I am a bit shy when it comes to speaking up, probably something I knew but just never really had to face at any given time. Now that I am basically forced to get phone numbers i HAVE to speak up!! Unfortunately I didn’t get the guys number in class but hopefully my confidence will be up by friday because I am most def going back!!

The other experience I had was with a guy I had met online. We had been taking for a few days and while I was very interested in him he was just a little to “thirsty” as my friend holly would say lol. For a minute I was intrigued buy his persistence but then I realized that I am not suppose to be exactly “falling” for anything for at least 6 months. Needless to say I worked up enough courage to tell him that I am going to be “multi tasking my azz”. He didn’t like that and told me he wouldn’t be speaking to my from that point on because he was looking for a wife like yesterday lol.

I am glad I was able to stand up to the guy and let him know my true feelings. So many times we get caught up in the fairly tales of dating and love that we forget to check out the “True picture”. Underneath the surface of this guy was a controlling, overly dramatic, ego driven brotha. When I took off my sunny shades, I saw the true picture and it was NOT good. I pray that I will continue to see the trueness in people as I move about this process. So here are a few questions we must ask are self when we are getting involved with someone of the opposite sex.

1. Am I willing to settle for fear, there might not be something better?

2. How far will I allow men to pressure me before I give in?

3. Am I believe truthful about EVERYTHING I believe in.

what say you?

Someone say salsa?

Someone say salsa??

As I stated in my earlier post today, I was going to be “experimenting” with multi tasking/dating. In the book I have been reading “how to get a date worth keeping” My first “task” is to get my numbers up. Well in order to do that I would need to actually leave the house!! shocking right lol. This weekend will be about meeting new folks and getting out, after all it is summer time.

So today I signed up for salsa lessons at a dance studio, it was funny when I called to check the times I asked the lady do I need to bring a partner (as if i actually had one lol) she was like “nope we have plenty guys here!” ah seriously? Its funny how our dating misconceptions get thrown out the window when whenever someone verifies my “ideas” aren’t always truth.

It should be fun because 1. I dunno how to salsa dance, and 2. its going to allow me to put my “meeting skills” to the ultimate test, remember I have to get my numbers up!!

have a fun weekend guys!

So I have been out of blog site for a little while but happy to report life in and of itself is good. I have been learning new things about my self and the people around me, also getting to learn the word of God. I started going to church and I think I have found a church that I would like to join soon. Still in the process of paying off debt and continuing on my journey to debt freedom. Nothing to complain about so God is Good!!

Recently I have been getting my hands on a lot of dating books. No Steve harvey lol, but ones more geared towards Christian dating and how to go about it. Apparently there is this stigma out there about how Christians shouldn’t date and just “wait” for God to send them someone. I often wonder how is it that when we need to get a job we go out and look, send resumes make phone calls etc…. when we want to find a church home, we research, talk to people and visit those prospective churches, when we wanna to buy a house, we don’t wait for a home to pop up, we go house hunting. I believe God gives us the tools to be productive and successful in life but it is up to us to actually utilize those tools. It should be the same in dating. I don’t believe my future mate will be the fedex dude or the cable guy, so I have to get out there and DATE!!

Anywhoot, this new book im reading “How to get a date worth keeping” Has done two things so far

1. challenged me to not look at going on dates as “finding my husband” and to just meet people, get to know people and have fun. You can only be sure of what you like if you date many types of people.

2. Its challenging me to figure out why im dateless and change those things. Is it because I don’t get out much? am I shy? are there just not enough single men for me?

So I have to keep a log of new men I meet for the next couple weeks in order to shed some light on my situation. There is this guy at work I been checking for so I went ahead and asked him on a date, since there isn’t pressure to find my hubby anymore everything feels much easier, not worrying about rejections, not caring if he doesn’t fit into my “mold” etc… just having a regular ole good time with a potential friend “PF”

So I am going to try to do as much Journaling as i can so everyone can see how this is working out for me. There will be no committing to ANYONE even if i do find a guy i like, for atleast 6 months.

Dear Lord

I have a question for you as well as a request to give words of wisdom. As of late I have found myself learning how to submit to Gods word, and slowly change my ways and habits that are not of God. Even though for the most part things are going well, I still find myself struggling and as I speak to people that are also in the word. I find most advise being givin to me is (do as i say and not as I do) while most of what is spoken is easily backed up in scripture, i find myself wondering when can I be the exception to the rule like everybody else??? when is it ok for me to date without being told to “wait on the lord”, when it is ok to have relationships with people that are not as spiritual, when can I let my guard down?? there are so many rules that sometimes im frustrated. I keep hearing “oh i did it and even though it worked out for me, still don’t do it”

so my question is, how to you stay true to God while allowing yourself to still be who you are. I want to be blessed but I also believe that God requires me to take action as well. I just don’t want to go down the wrong path, but I don’t want to crash and burn because of all these “rules” either.

Put on My happy Face!

A friend put me up on this oldie but goodie song from Destiny’s child back when they had 3 members. I love this song because it allows you to be reminded of how blessed you are every morning, and it has a funky beat to it that you can’t help but bop around to on the way to work.

The weekend was great, Got to meet some wonderful folks and have a blast too. My first time in ATL left me with mixed feelings but I am sure that was because I was only there for 2.5 days. I was most happy to have gotten out of Michigan though, so im not even mad.

These last few months have been so wonderful for growth. Me turning to God more, and working on self improvement. While there have been pitfalls there has most def been more positive going on a lot. I think I am becoming a better person even though its challenging a times, its worth it. Being a prideful person and working my way out of that, is like wow! I get to work on time, and im starting to value everything I have, from my lil car to my soon to be $345 apt and my job. God is blessing and its a great time to speak about the positive things that are taking place in my life. More to come soon….

Recommended reading

Everyone knows by now that I am a Dave Ramsey junkie, I listen to every radio show twice, I work on the same budget 5 times a day, and constantly analyze my next form of attack on bills. While all this is true I have yet to reveal to others Daves “other side” Most of the time he is about money and politics and most people can’t agree to disagree on either but he also from time to time brings new people into the mix. Obviously he is a money guy so its not likely for him to be telling folks about how to grow a garden 101. Anywhoot he does have experts on other topics that he isn’t so good with, such as relationships, careers, law and the list goes on.

Recently I stumbled upon a book written by an author on his recommended readers list. Come to find out there are other books written by the same author and one in particular caught my eye. Its called “Boundaries in dating” by Dr Henry Cloud. I am not going to give away all the details but I will say this has been one of the best reads to date, I say everyone should pick it up, its even better than the Steve book lol.

check it out!

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Turn my swag on!!!

This week has been a pretty decent week for the most part. My job has given my department a pretty much once in a million years chance to work over time for a few weeks. The reason this situation happens to be rather unique is because they offer what they call “Comp time” Basically I can choose to get a check in hand or vacation time. I opted for vacation since Mik hasn’t been able to “Save” any time since 3 years ago. Shortly after my dad passed away some years ago I started slacking off at work and haven’t exactly been the same. This isn’t to say the two relate but its just been a LONG TIME. So im excited to know that If we go 7 weeks, I would potentially end up with somewhere around 100 hours of vacation. Yay right? Its good but I will be working from sun up to sun down so if you are looking for me you can find me AT WORK!

The other thing was that I have an opportunity to be a guest poster on this site called Flagler Hill. I don’t really venture to much outside of the treehouse given my limitations at work and the fact that the treehouse is so much fun, but when someone asked me to be a quest I felt kinda honored lol. Anywhoot I been spending a few days over there posting and the people there are pretty cool. My post made it to the top spot TWICE! woot woot!

Its been pretty cool being single again, and dealing in just life and watching my other friends fall in love, and losing a friend as well. I know one thing is I always welcome change, its an opportunity to grow and become a better me. The next few weeks should be good times “smiles”

This past two weeks have been some of the most emotional weeks I have had in a while. Breaking up with the ex, making career changes, trying to stay in line with my debt plan and keeping my full time employment. Sometimes it all gets to be to much. But a recent event today has sparked my interest in changing one thing about me, that could possibly change my life forever…..

To preface this post Mikki is a hornball, ever since I first engaged in sexual activity I have been hooked. I have been loose at times even and I am not ashamed to say that. Now days I have guarded my sexuality a lot more than in the past but I still maintain the freak that I believe myself to be. I always try my best to keep it real on my blog and right now I am gonna try to be 100% real.

Today I had a conversation with a very good male friend of mine. We had that hommie lover friend type deal going on, that never really emerged into a full blown relationship. I have loved this man (so i think) with every fiber in my body, not lust just pure love. Later on though Mikki was rejected so to speak with the preface that it just wasn’t the right timing. Years later after a breakup the timing is possibly right. However, knowing how I feel about sex I wanted to make sure I wasn’t walking into another situation where I wasn’t satisfied. So I proposition my friend to sleep with me so I could really see if we connected on this level. Now yall know this is all sorts of wrong but the selfishness in me long to be sexually fulfilled and not disappointed in any way especially not sexually. So we didn’t have an exact date but we knew before we decided to “commit” to each other that this had to come first….

Then I got a phone call from a newly good friend of mine which I happen to be inspired by every time I speak with her. I told her about my plans and she immediately said DON’T DO IT!! im like why not?? I need to know!!!!! while her points on why wasn’t exactly spilled out in a 2 hour long conversation I got the gist before my phone died. I decided to read up on premarital sex and see how its been affecting me and my relationships. I have never been one to just take someones word for something but I always am committed to researching for my OWN understanding…..

So far its not even right to live together first according to the bible. I been reading everything from bible.com, to an interview with Terrance Howard in Elle magazine about why he went celibate in 2007. I thought I was doing everything right by waiting to be in a relationship which lead to my year long celibacy stint, BUT its really deeper than that and Its my personal objective to find out why is abstinence so important. So for the next few days I plan to study, read up on Gods word and figure out how I am to proceed in my further dealings with men.

I know how committed I am to becoming debt free and all its benefits and I really can’t imagine how life changing it would be to save myself for my husband. Struggle yes? worth it 100 times yes……

I will document my findings as I go and hope that others who read gain knowledge and understanding about purity and Gods word.

Fairy tales

It was 2 days shy of 13 months ago when I wrote the post Date or soul mate?. It was detailing the type of characteristics you would hope to find in a future husband or wife. I really had to give myself a pat on the back for summing up the book so well and giving my spin on it. Anyways I figured it would be a good time to revisit my idea of a good man (again) since I am newly single and entering back into the wonderful world of dating.

The last few days have been rather hard actually. Having to think about starting over and pushing myself out into the social scene can be pretty intimidating at first. This time around I do plan on taking things hopefully much slower than I have in the past BUT I will move forward with those guidelines I seem to have forgotten to take with me on that first date.

After being with my ex I realize how much more important it is to stick to the LIST. Although we may find someone who is seemingly right, you may tend to have issues with someone if everything doesn’t 100% check out. This isn’t to say be so strict but to be close as possible wouldn’t hurt at all. So my list once again isn’t really meant to be taken lightly although you are welcome to laugh and call me crazy, I just needed to put it on paper what Mik feels is a good rule of thumb to picking the right dude.

1. Must make more money than me or equal – If you think this is golddiggerish then your probably right lol. Even though I feel my situation wasn’t purely based on money most of it was, and it was the heart of the breakdown of my relationship. Some people make not like to believe relationships aren’t about money but trust a LOT of them are. So I am keeping this one just so we don’t have to deal with the broke ones. P.S i don’t make that much so it shouldn’t be hard lol.

2. Family ties – I admit I get into with my momma on the regular but at the end of the day we can call each other and laugh about what ever we had argued about before. I love my mom and my little brother and I would love to be with someone who shares my same sentiments.

3. Believes and knows God – Please believe I am NOT a bible thumper nor do I want to date one. but it is important to be with a man who recognizes a higher power and is not afraid to call on him in a time of need, or simply give some praise when he is blessing us. If I can say babe, lets go to church and he says sure would do me a lot of good cuz i need some Jesus right nah.

4. Good with Money- Not a penny pincher but knows how to balance being in a relationship and managing their own bills too. I don’t actually believe in participating in the recession because I am always looking for new ways to bring in money. If you can’t realize that dating cost, then maybe you just shouldn’t date because even though I am on a budget I still need some fun in my life. I don’t want a man who is a tight wad but I do want a man who looks towards the future financially and plans for that.

5. Can balance seriousness and goofiness – I am a silly girl by nature and it would do me good to laugh 24-7 if I could and I appreciate a man who can be silly at any given moment but I also want someone who can have a serious conversation about life in general and things that make us who we are, its just good for the soul.

6. Keeping me in check – Please do not mistake this for an IKE and Tina sitcho or now days Chris and ReRe, But a man who is cool with telling me no but also realizes how happy it makes me when he tells me yes. I love a man who can make decisions without needing a second opinion (Good decisions mind you) It just makes you feel so secure.

7. Educated – I am putting this back on my list because Mik is going back to school and I’m gonna need some help with homework lol.

So here is my list, there are a few things missing but if you are smart you know the things that aren’t on the list that I don’t actually NEED to mention……

Did I miss anything……

Break up #2

Its official, my boyfriend has broken up with me. Now everybody im sure is like oh man what happen?? chile I don’t even know myself. I just know one minute I was mad, and the next he told me it was over. It happen not even a half hour ago, so I may be talking jumbly but I do know for a fact that its officially over for good.

I do know I did my best to keep the relationship going but it obviously wasn’t enough…..

it all hits the fan

Its been an extremely eventful week/weekend. It started on Thursday when I was held hostage in my office at my second job due to babies momma drama with my co-worker. I tell you that has got to be the craziest thing I have ever experienced in my life to date. Friday and Saturday I worked into the wee wee hours of the morning making sure everything was caught up. I headed out for Detroit and managed to get some R&R time in with my family. Sunday we headed to church and had good eats afterwards.

Monday I was so exhausted from working and traveling that I decided to take the day off from my first job and try to work on a few things on my second while getting some much needed rest. I had been getting phone calls through out the day asking me where I was in the process of completion of a few projects. I had advised both my bosses that I was working but doing as little as possible. You would have thought that for 2 people that don’t have full time jobs they would have been able to finish up where I left off. Well around 6pm I get phone call asking me why everything is not done…… (blank stare) are ya kidding?? I had managed to complete 17 orders in 2 days and left them with 8, your telling me you can’t finish 8 orders by midnight? My boss says to me “well you know I type slow” and thats my problem because???

So I hung up the phone furious to the 10th degree that I had been checked so tough after just being praised 2 days ago about how well I had done. On top of all this I was not getting paid properly and had found an email from a past employee demanding payment after she quit 2 months ago. All this lead me to dial up the number at 10 pm to say guess what I QUIT!!! I did not appreciate being taken advantage of after all the work I have put in. Thankfully I had just called my co-worker (from my first job) resolving issues from previous days about the whole hostage fiasco a few days prior. She said she understood why I quit and said she tried to warn them about treating me right and they didn’t listen. She said that she would love to have me work with her and hopefully have things better organized than these two people. I honestly tried to work with them and give them chances to shape up but my first job is my priority and I can’t function with all the chaos between the two of them. I also can’t work without getting paid!!

These clowns also went as far as to threaten my license being “frozen” unaware that I work for the government who handles the license and would be verifying that this was not the case the very next day. I am so out done by these folks and relieved that I am no longer apart of the company. I really liked the job but you can not expect to be successful while treating people wrong. So on to my next adventure with my new partner, lets pray that the 2nd time is a charm.

stay tuned…..

Incase anyone is wondering where the mikster has been, I have been extremely busy. My full time job has implemented some new programs that happen to all be a priority and, my 2nd job has me pretty much running the whole show. I am super tired these days but I am loving every moment of what I am doing.

This new job has opened up a ton of new doors, stressful? yes, worth it? totally. I am finally getting to work in the field I have been attempting to get into for about 4 years but never really had the right avenue and teachings. Working at my new job is teaching me a lot of things that I can apply even outside of work. I am learning how to delegate, organize 10 times better than what I did before because time is missed sleep and money in this field. Its also forcing me to be 100 times more accountable to my first job. I had to notify them that I was working somewhere else to make sure nothing I am doing interfere with my full time employment. I have been on time to work for the last 2 weeks, even while only getting a few hours of sleep because its much more important now that I don’t get caught slippin! Apparently I thrive off pressure not to be confused with stress.

Its been a wonderful couple of weeks for my career advancement and I can’t say how happy I am to have been given this opportunity. Most importantly I am earning extra income that can potentially lead to my debt freedom sooner, which is the greatest reward of all. Oh no mikki has NOT fallin off the debt free wagon, its just getting more intense. I think by the time this is all said and done I will have gone through 50,000 worth of bills to have been paid off, including keep up with my house payments, rent, beater with a heater, dating, buying properties and the list goes on. I can’t wait to add it all up and see how muchy my life was with all that debt.

So don’t fret I will check back in more often as I get time to write and talk about the other things going on in my life. Right now work is my focus and debt freedom is my goal!!

so hollaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

antm rewind

It was 9:30pm and I was on the phone ranting about how upset I was that the location for the ANTM auditions hadn’t been posted, being that the auditions was the next day. I had given up for the most part but something in my brain told me to check one last time. I did check and wouldn’t you know the location was staring me square in the eye. I immediately panicked for about 5 minutes and calmed down enough to hear the voice of my girlfriend telling me to go. So there I was at 10pm trucking down the I94FWY to get to Chicago.

I arrived at about 12:30pm and checked into the Red Roof inn. The receptionist was very pleasant and did her best to make sure I had everything I needed. When I told her about the auditions she began sharing a story about a 18 year old guy that had previously stayed at the hotel also trying out for a show. The show was called Sundays best and is hosted by Kirk Franklin on BET. She told me about how the guy needed to use the printer and she said he would have to sing for her and 5 more people that came into the hotel. She said his voice was like an angel and soon after he began singing he started drawing a crowd. The 18 year old did actually make the show and called her to say how grateful he was for helping him out. Even though I couldn’t sing, rap or dance, the woman was so kind to me.

So fast forward to the auditions there was a LOT of girls. So I get inline outside and started chatting it up with the girl in front of me. We ended up being inseparable for the duration of the auditions. Neither of us made the cut, but I would have to say it was all worth it to have made new friends in the process. The auditions were actually rather brutal. Having stood in line for some 4 hours only to get to the end and be cut in 2 seconds and all you said was your name, weight, and age???

Another girl I met actually made it to the second round, she was also cut 2 minutes after being chosen to move on. One lesson I learned about auditioning for the show was to always be prepared. You would think that should have been a given but lil Mik was under the impression that the judges wanted everyone to be plain. It was actually the total opposite, they wanted you to stand out among a group of 100 girls in the room. I can’t say I actually did that so lesson learned.

If I had to do it again I would, the experience was great and this is just one more thing I can add to my history book. I am grateful for having the courage to even audition because some people don’t even thing they have what it takes. I learned to never say what isn’t possible and always think of ways to make things happen because if you try hard enough eventually they will.

Last night I had another one of the weirdest of dreams. I been having them more often since I been off my fast and eating all sorts of things not even half way on the vegan list. I was dreaming last night that I was in some other city (maybe state). I was dressed kinda crazy, shoes untied clothes not matching ect…actually thats how I usually dress but anyways. I was in a mall, a seemingly super nice mall. It had stores I hadn’t even heard of but from the looks of the place I was in some big city. So im walking down the hallway and here come my two co-workers. Theses aren’t just any co-workers though, these are the two women out of all women that I can’t stand. One is the icky nasty lady who wears shorts to work every day as if its bedtime, and she coughs a lot and puts her nasty fingers in food she shouldn’t touch so no one else will want it. The other lady always tries to get me in trouble ever since I didn’t give her a ride home like I said I would (she hadn’t forgiven me for that). Ok so here they are dressed like its work time and they see me. “What are you doing here Mikki?” “I am sick what does it look like?” Oh you are playing hookie today heh heh heh. “No im sick, does it look as though im having fun?”.”Why are YOU here”. “Well we have the day off so we are hanging out”

So the conversation ends and we part ways. Later on I see them entering what looks to be a lavish restaurant, and my one co-worker (the non icky one) has on this beautiful black dress and her hair is pint up. She looks to die for and I had never seen her so pretty nor had I ever seen her in a dress. Anyways the rest of the day I SPENT not shopping and wondering if they might tell my boss and how I was going to cover up where I was.

The dream was rather odd but I think it had something to do with my plans to go to chicago tomorrow and not tell anyone. I must say I am sort of happy that at least I know some parts of that story wouldn’t come to life because I’m not going. There has been no updates on the location of the chicago auditions for americas next top model and apparently the buzz on the street is that it already happen March 19th at some undisclosed location.

So there goes my dreams……………

(tears)

Ok im a little upset and hurt but not that hurt, I will survive!!!

Weekend Fabulousity

kimora_hed_340

I have pretty much been a fan of Kimora Lee Simons ever since I saw her with Russel years ago on MTV cribs. I like her style and most of all her divaesq attitude. Some times (Read a lot) she can be a true bitch, I remember one episode where she had James running around checking the weather every 2 seconds to see if it would rain or not because if it did she wouldn’t do her photo shoot. Funny thing is she had no real intent not to do the shoot, she just wanted to as she said “keep James on his toes” But this post isn’t about Kimora actually its just about my weekend and how I just like saying fabulous a lot!!

Friday night I had my interview with a real estate company a co-worker of mine hooked me up with. I actually did get the job so lets pray it all goes well!!

After that I was called last minute to go see Lion King the musical. It was a wonderful show and I would see it 5 more times (during the day). I was so tired!!

Saturday morning I picked up the kids and we went to fenner park for the maple syrup festival. We learned about all kinds of birds, touched a snake, got our faces pained and had maple syrup sundays! After that we had pizza and watched movies. Incase some of you don’t know baby sitting every know and again is my form of birth control, trust it works!

Saturday evening my boo came, we made dinner (he did) and we watched the game.

Sunday we went out for lunch and spent the afternoon at his aunts house. We ended up watching Cadillac records and soul men, two good movie by the way.

It was a very fun weekend and it was very nice to spend time with all the folks I love!

Its been about a month now since my best friend started dating this guy that she dated back in high school. As I may have mentioned before the man had recently separated from his wife of 12 years and are currently starting legal proceedings for a divorce. As of late she has been extremely gitty and I must say it has been bugging the crap out of me. At first I tried to cover up the fact that I wasn’t jealous because the situation in my opinion is rather odd but non the less I was still jealous and I didn’t want to face that fact.

But why? don’t you have a man? Yup I sho do, and he is just the sweetest and almost perfectess man I have ever dated. But I noticed in talking to her that we don’t have that “Thing” you know when you can’t stop talking about them, you act amazingly strange/silly when they come around and you are always laughing and seemingly having a good time. As of late me and S has just been going through the motions. I had been overly stressed from work, my empty unrented house in detroit, and my crazy roommates from h e double hockey sticks. My relationship has really been the last thing on my mind, even tho s had been with me for the last two weeks my mind was else where.

Since I owned up to my jealously I have felt a sense of calmness because sometimes its ok to feel that way but it isn’t something that should consume me. I don’t actually want to be in my best friends shoes (Ever) but I do want to get back to that happy place where all was good with the world.

I ended up telling s about the said issue and amazingly he “felt” that same thing I was feeling. As perfect as we may be together, it doesn’t always mean we are right for eachother, and it seems as though both of us are willing to except it if it may be the case. So we both committed to eachother to give eachother 100% of ourselves and allow for us to fall in love and if it fails we figure we did at least try. I know there are a lot of pixie dust relationships out there and I certainly don’t want mine to be one of them. My relationship has proven so far that we can communicate, trust, and give to eachother which are really important things that keep a relationship together. But those aren’t the only things that keep it.

So in the end I learned that before I worry about how green someones grass is I need to worry about how I am taking care of my own grass and that is the good truth!!

Americas Next top model

I have been a fan of Americas Next Top Model ever since the day it aired. I caught the modeling bug back when I was about 24 years of age. I did a couple photo shoots, because you know what they say “always gotta have head shots“. I even signed up for a modeling agency that ended up going bankrupt shortly after I signed. But most of all modeling was more of an idea in my head than anything. I for one didn’t have the know how, and secondly I was 120 lbs standing tall at 5’3. Sure I knew all about “industry standards” and how many “petite” women model but I didn’t ever think I would be that “Exception” to the ten feet tall and skinny as a twig rule.

When ANTM aired I immediately looked up the “height” requirements only to discover that you had to be at least 5’7 to even try out. So my dream to be on the show ever in life would be just that, a dream.

Until NOW that is!! As every one may know they recently announced that ANTM cycle 13 will be just for the “short girls” When I first saw that announcement I darn near fell off the bed because this was my time. I never thought it would happen but apparently they are gonna give us shorter girls a chance and guess who is gonna try out (yes me!!). ANTM will be holding auditions through March and the will be holding one open casting call in Chicago and I will be in attendance. I have exactly 9 days to eat nothing prepare and I am going to be working my but off doing a Daniels fast rewind for the next week. Even though I am extremely nervous I feel like this is something I have to do, one of those you don’t know until you try and I am a big fan of trying. So all of you out in blogger world better get my autograph now because I am gonna be AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL!!!

Get UnFunktified

As everyone may know today was my last day of the Daniels fast. It ended at 12 noon and I had been planning on what I might eat for lunch for the whole morning and trust me burgers was on the brain. But during the course of the day I fell into a hell of a funk. I am suppose to be happy today, I lost weight, I FINISHED something, and I am moving on to do something greater because of this 21 day experience.

So why am I all down and out?? After thinking about it I realized its because its much easier to be mad about something than to think about ways to make something better. Typically I like to feel sorry for myself and be in a bad mood because for some odd reason it makes me feel better to crawl under a rock and not deal with things. Well I can’t keep putting things off, thats only going to create a bigger mess. So This afternoon I spent the day doing things that I knew would put me back into a positive mood and it worked and I am soo glad.

The other thing I noticed is that I didn’t look for food to comfort my annoyance with the day, even though I could have eaten anything I wanted I didn’t, I had my usual snacks just as if I was still on the fast. This made me realize how much of an affect it had on my behavioral pattern. Everybody has stress every now and then but what I am realizing is that just because it takes a bit more energy to think positively than to sulk doesn’t mean its ok to do.

So if your in a bad mood get up n go do those things that highlight how much of a beautiful person you are, and how proud you should be off all your accomplishments its working for me and it should work for you too!!

Daniels Fast (Day 19)

So Its 2 days away from my fast officially being over, and though its been hard its been worth it. Missing cookies, candies, sugar, and not to mention my favorite cereal in the whole world. Even after 19 days I think its safe to say I can do without some things. The most important lesson I have learned in all this is support, I needed a lot of it through the fast in order to say on track.

Over the weekend I went work out equipment crazy. I brought bender ball, two 5lbs weights, a jump rope and a work out mat. The bender ball is rather interesting to say the least. Its way better than doing regular crunches and its doesn’t kill ya after the work out is over. I am going to finish out the week with working out every day, tryin to prepare myself for the big day is no jokey joke!

I also brought a blender and lots of fruits n veggies, im guessing if i make mixed drinks it will be easier to get more of the fruits down.

I hope everyone had a super fun weekend.

Its day 16 and last week was the first time I began to modify my fast. I have been eating salmon (some good some not) but over all it still doesn’t replace the need and want for burgers n fries lol. I have lost a nice amount of weight which is very nice because of a secret I will be sharing in a couple of weeks (no im not preggers). This news I want to share is gonna be about pursuing one of my dreams I have had for a while. I don’t know exactly how things will pan out but its kinda like one of those “you don’t know unless you try” type of deals. I am super excited and being on the fast has actually helped me prepare!!

On the other side of the news, I been having issues with my best friend and her new found relationship. I want to be happy for her but the guy she has been dating and sleeping with is NOT divorced (but separated) from his wife. Honestly I can’t judge people and my heart wants my best friend to be happy because she deserves it. But it sucks that it has to be this way. I will just be keeping her in my prayers and being the supportive best friend that she knows me for. She seems really happy for the first time in a long time and I can’t rain on her parade after all that she has been through in the past with men.

I will say if this guy messes over my bestie I will be going after him!

Its 1 day after the fight of the century took place at mik’s apt in Lansing. Honestly I am so emotionally drained from all the madness that it doesn’t make sense right now.

The fight took place one day after I discovered I had been duped into doing something I didn’t want to do yet again. Yall know I am slow sometimes so I didn’t realize what had happen until the next day. My reaction tho was not pretty. I went off on those to girls for the first time since they had been living in the apartment and right then it felt that no one was listing to any one. We yelled, called each other names and both had a line of defense for every attack. After all of the yelling back n forth we decided we would do our best to respect each others space and that was that.

Later on I got on the phone to vent to my mom and she really lit into me sayin I should be the mature one and try to mentor to these girls because maybe they need help. She went on tryin to explain a story about a girl who used to be my friend but eventually got into a big argument with my mother about respect. After that day the girl never spoke to my mom, and she ended up going off to have babies and have some what of a hard life. My mom obviously felt like she didn’t reach out enough when my friend at the time was acting out because of stress at home.

I understood my mom but she was basically telling me to take on these girls possible problems because they are cryin out for help. If that was true, I honestly don’t think I would be up for the task and would not want that burden on me, since I have to much of my own stuff going on. I admit I have a lot of growing to do and because of this, I can’t mentor to girls that probably need more help than I can give.

The other thing I feel is that I had to stand up for myself and not let these girls continue to walk all over me and last night I did that. Everything can’t always be rosy and there will always be hard times in life. All I can do is learn from this and do my best to make sure It won’t happen again.

In gooder news I am on day 14 of my fast. I never considered myself to be a stress eater but this week has truly been a test of will. My boyfriend has been extremely supportive of my eating habits and he wants me to stay committed to finishing what I started even with all the stress. I am thankful for him because I would have thrown in the towel a couple days ago. Our relationship as of today (cuz it changes like the wind) is going good. We got a lot out in the open and the more time I spend with him and talk to him, I see that he really cares about me.

He did ask me to live with him but I explained that I wouldn’t be living with another man until I was married. He respects my decision and we went on about the business of finding him an apartment. We found a really nice one that we both like and hopefully he will be moved in next week. Its a big step for him to move to my city and its going to be interesting to see how we will pan out. I remember when I moved here for a guy and that move changed my life. My prayer for s and I is that we will both grow with each other and both end up happy together.

Today is day 12 and I am so excited to report I made it through the weekend without going nutz! However I did have salmon for the first time yesterday and it was sooooooo good. Me and my bf had dinner at a sushi place and we both really loved the food. I think if I could eat salmon every day I would but its expensive so I won’t lol. I also discovered over the weekend that a lot of vegan foods are a lot of what Asian people eat. I was at the health food store over the weekend and picked up a few things, then Sunday I was at the oriental store and saw most of the exact same foods. Any whoot, I can’t wait to return partially to my old diet because I miss cookies!!

In other news, I am still having roommate drama. I promise I have never met such petty people in my life. But today I plan to get to the bottom of why they act so funky towards me. We are gonna have a sit down and have a come to Dr phil moment. I have been nice to them, I let them do whatever and im hardly home and yet they still find something to complain about. We have 4 more months to deal with each other and I think I could write a full book on this past year with those clowns. The lord is testing my patience with them I have finally run all out. Maybe they tryin to break my fast ummhmm yep thats gotta be it!!

Daniel’s Fast (day 9)

So Today I am happy to report I lost 6 pounds on the fast!! Its pretty exciting and I hope to keep having mini mile stones through the process. Each day gets just a little easier and I find myself enjoying the process.

Its been a very good week and I am thankful for all the lessons I learn in life. Today I asked God to take away all the hurt In my heart. I realized that I have a BIG problem with wishing people that have hurt me well. Its not my place to judge them or wish there life to be doomed forever. I don’t want to hold on to the negativity because it keeps me from receiving my blessings. God knows my heart and sometimes I don’t always have the purest of thoughts. I will work on that.

Today I had my usual oatmeal for breakfast with raisins and tangelos. For lunch I am going to have a veggie burger on whole wheat tortillas. I am so glad its Friday because weekends are surprisingly the easy days during the fast because you have more time on your hands to prepare your own meal or go out for dinner.

For those of you still on the fence about the fast I say just give it a shot. Once you get started you will always want to stay on the path to being healthy!

Happy weekend.

On day 4 I slipped off the wagon, by eating a bucket of popcorn with butter but today is day 6 and I am happy to report I am back on the wagon and feeling much better. I must say the morning after felt kinda like having unprotected sex with your SO and no form of birth control, you wake up feelin like shat. I was so sick when I woke up and my stomach didn’t like me to well yesterday. But I drank plenty water and ate lots of veggies n fruits. Today I feel 100% again!

In other news, me and “s” been having a bit of a hard time. The man is out of work, without a car, in the final semester of school before spring break, and without a home. I know I shouldn’t be so heartless but yesterday I went off on him kinda. He pushed me to my limit when he told me he didn’t want me asking when his car was going to be fixed. Granted I know I asked you 2 days ago but what was wrong me thinking there was a slight possibility that SOMETHING may have happened in those to days. In the past 3 months I have been very supportive and understanding, but right now I am all OUT of relationship fuel.

I really can’t imagine what a man feels like not being able to be the provider, but the point is im not a man so I will never really understand it. All I do know is that my needs weren’t being met and I had to make him aware of that. I am not exactly sure what is going to happen in the next few weeks but I do know I will be giving him some much needed space. Hopefully things will fall back into place, and hopefully by then I will be sexier than I was before!!

yup I ain’t trippin, I got it all under control. (I think)

Ohhh nooooo!

So I went to the movies to see Medea goes to jail, can’t say I liked it much but whats more important is what I did when I was there!

So I remember on the food list on the daniels fast it said I could eat popcorn, and you can’t see a movie without popcorn right? Well I got home and went back to check the list because somethin felt not too right. So I click on the link and there it was NO BUTTER opps! I had PLENTY butter on my popcorn lol.

So what now?? Tomorrow is a new day and I will remember that lol.

The End

Daniel’s fast day 4

Its only been 4 days and I can finally start reporting things I have been noticing happening to my body.

1. More bowl movements – Thats right I shat every day now. I know your thinkin well thats what you are suppose to do anyways right? Yes but when you eat a lot of fast food, processed food, sugars ect…. that stuff keeps your body from cleansing itself properly. Before now I was only using the bathroom maybe once or twice a week. Now that I go every day naturally it makes me want to always keep healthy food in my body. It feels exactly like a detox.

2. More Energy – Ok so I still been late for work lol, but its not because I am to tired to wake up. Since I started the fast I feel tons more rested. I don’t fall asleep right after a meal anymore, and I can go through a whole day without needing any power naps or extra pick me ups. I even have enough energy to exercise late at night and early in the morning.

3. Control Over what I eat – When I first read about the plan, it said something about what to do when you feel hunger pains. They went on to explain that its just your body workin off the fat and it doesn’t always mean your hungry. When I would feel my hunger pains (they come often the first few days) I would drink water or eat some of my nut mix. After a while the hunger pains didn’t come so often because I ate more healthy stacks and drank more water. Now when I eat its not because I am starving, which would always cause me to over eat. This helps especially when you are on the go and you need something fast, I no longer look to mcdonalds to bail me out which feels really good.

4. I still eat fast food – Not fries n burgers, more like ready to go stuff. Like the fresh salads from wendy’s only have lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers in them, I add my own dressing and fruits to it. I have been buying these 3 at a time as of late, and can always have one for lunch and not worry about what im gonna eat. I always have a fast healthy snack on hand so I don’t have to worry about busing the fast because im starved. The key that I have learned is helping me is to buy only what I know I will eat for a fact. I don’t want to be wasteful nor do I wanna force myself to eat something that I really don’t want. So I didn’t buy a lot of stuff on the list of foods, I stuck to a few items that I knew would always satisfy me when I needed it quickly.

I don’t look any different as of right now but I certainly feel good. I drink lots of water, and eat fruit throughout the day.

Today I had 1 tangelo for breakfast and water. For lunch I brought a side salad from wendys. I put raisins, mixed nuts, and strawberries in it. The only dressing I have been using is the organic balsamic vinegar that Holly has recommended. It doesn’t taste all that good but with all the fruit and nuts in the salad you don’t really taste it.

This morning I also finished the first workout session on bob’s tape! that was exciting because even though its “low cardio” it took me 3 days to make it to the end without stopping (only 20 minutes).

So far I am enjoying the fast and my prayer is that I learn how to take care of my body better through out this process. Its certainly changed my habits. Prayerfully I can make it though the 21 days and beyond.

I started on Thursday and Today is Saturday and I am happy to report I am doing very well. Yesterday was kind of an interesting day because after I left work I had a lot of running around to do. Amazingly I wasn’t tired nor hungry, I kept my water by myside and that was that. I got home at around 9:30. Tried to work out some more and I think I added an additional 5 minutes, so im up to 20 minutes with bob! I may end up sticking with the low cardio sessions until I can master them (couple weeks?) maybe.

Right now I am at work and I had a tangelo for breakfast. Usually im starving in the morning but I haven’t had that issue as of late either. I feel pretty energized and good about my 3 days. Just don’t bring any real food around me lol.

The Daniels Fast

biggest-loser-logo

Yesterday I completed my first full day of the Daniel’s Fast. I ended the day being frustrated with tryin to peal a tangelo, so I gave up n threw it away (wasteful I know). Lucky for me I wasn’t really hungry, it was an extremly busy day with work, then driving to GR to see Dave live which was a very cool experience.

When I got home a little after 10:30 I went to the grocery store to buy more fruit and some organic balsamic vinegar for my salads. I also purchased a work out tape. I had been doing some online research about Jilians dvd’s for the biggest loser but when I finally saw the tape at the store I discovered her plan wouldn’t be the best for me just starting out. So I picked up bobs dvd instead.

I worked out a little when I got home, the dvd is pretty cool and works great for all beginners. The goal is to get my heart rate up and burn calories at the same time. Needless to say ya girl didn’t even make it through the first 25 minutes lol BUT keep in mind it was 1am so give me a break!

I was actually amazed I was even attempting to work out anything at 1am!! I mean I was tired but I know I shoulda been sleep. I didn’t finally fall asleep til somethin past 2am.

So here I am Friday morning doing good, got good rest and im gonna have some fruit for breakfast! I still haven’t found my bible and I’m still lookin!

see ya tomorrow!

This special chapter of The Veronica Chronicles comes for a special guest author by the name of Akua she is a great writer as well and its important to highlight TRUE writers up in blog world. She has graced this chapter with creativity and pure excitement so I hope you all enjoy!!!

As she turned to greet the morning sunshine that was creeping through her window the fainest smell of freshly brewed coffee and blue berries. “Good Morning V.” Chris said as he brought a tray full of freshly made blueberry pancakes, turkey sausage, and coffee with a little cream just how she liked it.

“You didn’t have to do all of this Christopher, this is too much.” “I wanted to do this, I know things were awkward between us last night and I didn’t want you to think that I was here just to sleep with you or to try to ease my way back into your world.” Veronica smiled, thanked him for breakfast and kissed him on the cheek. She had a lot of running around to do and she was happy he was there for some strange reason.

They ate in silence mostly, exchanging a few flirtatious glances back and forth. Veronica thought to herself ‘He really looks good with no shirt on.’ Eyeing the new tattoo on his back she asked him about it. “It’s Phillipians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ..” “Wow, I didn’t know you were very religious Chris.” “There are alot of things i never told you about me V.” Full of pancakes and appreciation she grabbed her blackberry, kissed her ex love on his forehead and sauntered into the bathroom to shower.

The hardwood floors were cold under her feet. Each step was slow and deliberate, hoping that he would grab her around her waist and throw her back onto the bed. She missed the way he touched her, the way his mouth felt against hers. Last nights kiss was an all but too solem reminder of what they had once shared. Passion that ignited fireworks with their bodies met. Once inside the bathroom Veronica sits down on the edge of her Jacuzzi, and texts Chrystal.

“Girl omg, u wll nvr blve who styed
the nte @ my hse” “who?” “Chris” “STFUWTBS, did u ?” “No bt I wnt 2.” “fllw yr hrt.” “he mde me brkfast in bd, I nvr evn knew he could cook!” “girl ht me in a few u know there’s a photo shoot for the magazine today.” “Ok l8tr”

As the jet streams of water massaged her back the sounds of Adele’s chasing pavements soothed her spirit. Music blaring and water running she never heard the bathroom door open. “Do you need any help washing your back, love?” Chris said as he stepped into the shower behind her. “Sure I would like that.”

author

Akua

30 days or something like it

I think I have given myself more 30 day challenges over the past year than I have changed underwear called off work. But THIS time is gonna be different (I promise). I am going to do what ever it takes to stay focused on the task at hand for 30 days. That day doesn’t start March 1, it starts TODAY ek!!

Yep today I am going to start a fitness 30 day challenge. Yesterday I was having a convo with my SO and we discussed how weight loss works. The one thing we all know about weight loss is that it requires diet AND exercise. Ok so I have never been a big fan of working out or eating less but to my surprise I found out I don’t actually have to eat less! I can eat a little better but not less. See the key is actually incorporating exercise into your every day routine that makes the difference. So a little work out every day increases your metabolism causing more fat to be burned and over time allows you to shed the pounds. Its not rocket science I know, but I always thought I had to starve myself to death to lose weight and this is sooo not the case!

Today I am gonna start adding at least 30 minutes of jogging to my daily routine for 30 days. I would like to see how eating the same but working out, changes my body. I don’t know if this actually works but its worth a shot!

Next month will be a different challenge assuming my A.D.D doesn’t kick in on day 2 lol.

I will keep you posted!

Lets be honest

Today comeback girl has inspired me to write about a few situations I have been dealing with over the past couple weeks. A lot has happen that has caused me to think about how honest of a person I am. Now I gotta admit i haven’t always been a saint (Still not) but I do have a conscious and every time I have thought about wronging someone, it has bothered me. Let me explain

A few weeks ago my tenant moved out of my house in Detroit. I had to go there and clean up and have the lights put back on in my name. I decided to take a day off work to get a few things completed. I called the lock smith, the gas and light company, and a painter. I had scheduled a busy day but it was the only day i had to get as much as i could done. So things are going as planned and me and the painter are talking, mean while the electric company arrives. I saw him, he waved from a far and said he didn’t need to come in and he could fix everything from the back of the house. Since I was preoccupied I waved and bid him goodbye. I DIDN’T check the lights to see if they worked correctly. So moments later after he leaves im flipping switches and NOTHING is working. So I called the company back and they explain to me that they can’t help me.

I am in a panic and can’t figure out what could be wrong. So the next day I get a hold of a friend of a friend. He comes out and fixes the lights but doesn’t give me a receipt. Said he would give it to that other friend for me. I pay him and let him go. Turns out the electric company didn’t hook the lines up correctly, so i call them back and explain to them how I had to pay someone to fix a mistake THEY made. The CSR informs me i would need to fill out a claim form to get my money back. So the forms come in the mail and it says to attach the receipt that I still don’t have. So i call up mr friend of a friend and ask him what happen, he then goes on to ask me did i tell the CSR how much I paid him? I was like umm no…. He says GOOD im going to put on this receipt that you paid X amount of dollars (lying) and then we can split the profits. Sounds good right??

So after I got off the phone I couldn’t help but think how wrong it would be to cheat someone. Hell even if it is a large electric company who makes billions, its still not right. So I couldn’t go through with it and from that point on I vowed not to lie.

Moral of this story is that even if you think you can make a fast dollar doesn’t make it ok to cheat people. I will venture to say this carries over into your relationships as well. When we lie,cheat and steal it keeps us from being truly blessed and THAT I can attest to.

Dave Says

As many of you have already heard, Dave Ramsey will be doing a live show in Grand Rapids next week and guess who brought tickets!!

I have been a fan of Dave Ramsey since the beginning of 2008. I think it might be hard for a few folks that know me to believe I didn’t like dave at one point. I thought he was this bald old guy just tryin to get over on folks with these stupid unfunny talk shows he came up with. I remember one day riding in the car with my mom while she was listing to some tapes of his she had purchased. I remember the exact words I spoke that summery day in 07 “he isn’t even sayin anything important” I was 24 at the time and pretty much thought I knew it all, so DAVE had nothin to say to me.

Well shortly after my 25th birthday I had a serious emotional break down and was on the verge of contemplating ending my life. I remember going to therapy sessions, I remember not going to work and almost being fired, I remember my house being broken into and my car being crashed. I couldn’t remember a time in my life where I had felt so low and defeated. My spirit had been ripped to pieces and I couldn’t see a way out of the mess I had created.

Then there was Dave. My mom called me up a few short days after I had returned to work (from being off for months). I was literally dragging myself to work, depressed at beat down but I knew If I didn’t want my house to be foreclosed on I had to go. She called me up and told me that his financial class was being offered in all these different churches and advised me to see if there was one in my area.

At the time I felt I had no choice, I was ready to file bankruptcy and I figured was was the harm in going to see bout this money class. I few days later I had attended my first day, and that first day changed and saved my life.

A lot of people around me make fun and tease (some jokingly some not) about my passion for Dave Ramseys teachings. I have seen blogs comment sections span from 2005 and counting about how they don’t agree with much of what he says.

I have come to learn that its not my place to defend every argument about Dave. There are even a few things I don’t agree with, but I understand the general principle he attempts to teach. So if anyone ask me why im such a hard core ride or die for Dave is because his program and a many of prayers from my mother and her friends saved my life. I will forever be grateful for all that I have learned and I intend to share with those who want to listen to my story.

So Dave thank you for all you do and I will see you next week in Grand Rapids Mi.

Let The Credits Roll

So yesterday I got a chance to see “he is just not that into you”. The movie I must say is very light and comical. I went into the movie thinkin it would create this phenom with woman runnin around yellin he isn’t into you. But it was so not that type of movie which was good.

I also sat through the credits and I must say if you watch them they are kinda funny. The part I am referring to in particular is the list of peoples names past the main characters. It sorta looks like this…..

Tall girl ……………………

emotionless cashier……………….

lazy uncle………………………..

short boy by the water fountain…………………..

I mean EVERYBODY has a name and some of there descriptions make for a good laugh. So now since sitting through the credits and showing my appreciation, I can fully advocate doing this now if for nothing but an extra couple of chuckles.

Hours roll by as Veronica continually tosses and turns in her bed. Unable to sleep knowing the man she still loves is in the next room. “I wonder if he is asleep?” Veronica turns over to face the door that is slightly ajar. “Ok I am getting up” The door squeaks as she slowly pulls it open. Veronica soon realizes that there are no sounds coming from the other room and makes her way to the kitchen. Trying to make little noise she turns on the faucet to pour a glass of water. She stands there in silence wondering why she had allowed for Chris to stay. Deep down she knew as much as she Hated Chris she still couldn’t resist his soft touch. It was time to move forward, Veronica kept reminding herself that it was not a good idea to back track but she couldn’t help think that she had already done so when she accepted the ride home. “This will all be over in the morning”. Veronica takes one last sip of her water and turns out the light.

Walking back to her room she manages to bump her knee up against the bar chair thats sticking out. “Ouch!” She burst out but covered her mouth hoping the sounds didn’t travel into the other room. She tip toes back and no sooner than she reaches the door…. “Veronica your still up?”. Veronica turns around rolling her eyes at the same time. “Ummm yea, I just needed some water did I wake you?”

“No I haven’t slept at all”. Knowing she shouldn’t be asking but she couldn’t resist. “Somethin the matter?” tryin to be as innocent sounding as she could. Before he could respond Veronica let three words slip through her lips that at the time she didn’t realize she would regret later on. “Come with me”. She holds out her hand and motions Chris to follow her to the master bedroom. “Veronica I don’t think that is a good idea, why don’t we both just go back to sleep, I will see you in the morning”. Chris slowly walks away and returns back to his sleeping quarters shutting the door slowly behind him. Veronica stands at her door in amazement and shock. What just happen? did he just turn me down? Veronica smacks herself in the head as if the jolt would wake her from some terrible dream she might have been having. “I really don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to sleep with me”. Veronica couldn’t remember a time where he so effortlessly turned down an offer to act grown as momma would say.

Gaining what little composure she had left she enters the bedroom and falls face down onto the pillow on her bed. Tears roll down her face as she drifts off to sleep hoping that when morning came everything would all make sense.

Did you hear what I said??

Incase you happen to be one of the few folks that didn’t hear, me and “s” are back together. After I took time to think (read: a day) and make a couple phone calls for advice, I decided that I shouldn’t have skipped out on our relationship without doing my part in the relationship. We didn’t actually reconcile immediately, it actually took weeks (pure torture by the way), but when we did I was extremely happy with how things turned out. Not gonna go into much detail because this post is about a different issue, but just know we are doing very well.

A couple days ago I found out that my taxes on my house had gone up and I basically freaked out. I had decided that I was going to put my house on the market and had all kinds of plans to do some updates with some money I had saved. When I got word that my house payment went from $600 to almost $900 I was totally taken back. All my current life plans was based on this house and I had no clue what I was gonna do. I was having a horrible day on all fronts and all I wanted to do is cry in my mans arms.

I got to his house after work and we had a few errands to run so while we are driving I was explaining to him the WHOLE story. He engaged in conversation but he didn’t actually respond or give me any direct solutions to fixing my problem. So while I am talking I’m thinkin wow he ain’t even listening to ME how friggin rude, but I didn’t say anything I just manage to relax and vent which is what the point of going was. Still I felt uneasy because he hadn’t responded to anything I talked about. I was worried that he didn’t “Get me”

So the next day we are talking and he asked me a question that just made me melt “babe did you need me to do anything or help you try to figure out a solution with your house?”

GTFOOH! By golly he was listening!! I was so surprised and caught off guard, it just made my heart warm all up. I explained to him that what I needed was some emotional support because I knew it was gonna be emotionally draining having to deal with my house. I ask him to just be sweet to me and he said he could handle that. So it turns out he was listening and taking in all the information even though he didn’t respond right then he still was listening to me and was a good enough man to offer to help a sista any way he could.

I have to say I am enjoying having him in my life a little more each day and I am very happy to have gotten my man back.

do you remember me (part 3)

“You know its really late Christ and I have lots of work that I need to catch up on you should go” signaling the door Veronica backs away from Chris.

Life has been wonderful since the split. I must admit it was one of the most painful things I have had to endure but I finally got over it. Now I am a successful business owner for a local, growing real estate firm. I get to travel all over the world every month, I have plenty guys who adore me and some even want to marry me. There is no need to revisit such a terrible time In my life. I have everything I could possibly want, I don’t need this….

Looking down at Veronica Chris responds as If he had been reading my thoughts. “Baby, I understand I put you through a lot back then but I sincerely apologize. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have until its gone and I made a terrible mistake by leaving you. I know its been 2 years and its obvious that you have moved on, I don’t expect you to take me back but I am just asking for a chance. I promise I will love you right V…… I promise”. “Chris you can’t just pop up and expect things to be the way they used to, I was hurt and there is nothing really that you can do that would convince me to go back down that path”

Veronica feels herself getting restless and upset by a conversation that is going to lead to nowhere. “Look Chris we are both tired I’m sure, I appreciate you bringing me home and your more than welcome to stay in the guest bedroom if you don’t want to drive home”. “Thanks” He responds.

“So what happen to that girlfriend of yours?”, What was her name, Porcha, Lexus, Honda?”. “Oh someone has jokes this evening I see, you know its not to late for you to hitch a cab the rest of the way..”. Oh I know but this gun in my purse says I won’t be needing to do that” Chris responded with a dry laugh. “You are crazy you know that?”, Her name was Mercedes, Veronica. “See I knew she had been named after a car I just couldn’t remember which one”. Yea sure, we broke up about 3 months ago. “Oh, Them women always messing up aren’t they?”. What makes you say that Veronica? Because there is no way possible you could have done anything wrong! “Just a pure comedian today”. “Hey I am just sayin…”

The rest of the car ride was rather informative, Chris explained what happened between him and his girlfriend. Honestly it didn’t totally surprise me, that they had broken up. Chris has always been a difficult man to deal with but I think that’s why I liked him so much.

“Just pull into that second driveway, my place is the last one on the left”. He proceeds to turn into the complex and pull into the driveway. “This you?” It sure is, I respond looking up at the three story 2 car garage brownstone. Chris helps me unload my suitcase and, continues walking it to the front entrance. “Well thank you for the lift” I say politely as I fumble for my keys. “You not gonna invite me in?, I have to use the bathroom”. “You know Chris if you wanted to see my place you could just ask instead of using the toilet for your demise”. “No Veronica I really DO have to pee”. “Fine” I respond with a slight attitude, I know he doesn’t have to pee that bad, Ok V just remember let him us the bathroom and send him packing! “You have come up since the last time I saw you huh”. Chris’s eye balls are everywhere except where my first floor bathroom is. “Yea the bathroom is this way”, I respond as I show him where the light is. After he shuts the door I run upstairs to freshen up, brushing my teeth and gargling with scope, I run the make-up applicator over my face to make sure I am not shining like new money and apply a fresh coat of strawberry lip gloss. “What am I doing all this for? I am not about to kiss this guy!. I scurry back down stairs as I hear the toilet flushing. “So you gonna show me around?. “Well I guess so since you don’t appear to be leaving”.

The entry way leads into an open living room with windows from floor to ceiling. Its decorated with leather furniture, that surrounds the cobblestone encased fireplace. above the fireplace is a 42″ flat screen and to the far corner is a large painting of downtown Detroit’s Riverfront. I proceeded to take him through all of the rooms except my own, for obvious reasons. “This is a very nice place you have here” What exactly do you do now to be able to afford such a place?”. “Can I get you something to drink Chris?”

Feeling a bit more relaxed about him being at my place and liking it, decided to offer up a bit of hospitality. “Sure what you got?”. “A little bit of everything, there is a bar downstairs too if your feeling like that”. “Oh so me leaving you turned you into an alki huh?”. “Hardy har har, now who is the comedian”. I respond throwing a cold bottle of water at his chest. “Actually I do a lot of entertaining…. “Oh your a private dancer, wow girl you must work it big time!” Chris I can show you the door now, I feel myself getting irritated by his comebacks. “Calm down V, I am just joking with you” Can I have my hug now?. “Assholeness doesn’t get rewarded around these parts”. “Your right I apologize sweetie” Chris responded in a lower soothing voice while pulling me towards his body. As he leans in to hug me, I am easily reminded what drew me to him. His tall statue complimented his physique, and the smell of cologne made me tingle all over. “You know I have missed you right?”. I look up at him with a puzzled face. “Chris, you missed me yet you dumped me for a girl named after a car, oh yea way to lay on the romance”. “Veronica I was confused back then, I knew how good of a woman you were but I just wasn’t ready to settle down, and I didn’t want to keep hurting you”. “While I am flattered you cared so much read my sarcasm, that was 2 years ago, and I have moved on so it doesn’t really matter at this point” “Oh but see Veronica it does matter, why do you think we crossed paths today 2 years later, that’s not a coincidence love”. “I….., Chris pulled me closer to him and motions me to not speak and smothers my lips with his. The man had the most passionate kisses I could have ever imagined, just as soft as the day I left them back in the spring of 06. We kiss for what seemed like an eternity, I didn’t fight it because deep down its exactly what I wanted to happen. I finally come up for air pushing him away from my now hot and bothered body. “How about that drink now?” “Everything I need is right here Veronica, its all right here….. I close my eyes and drift away as our lips meet a second time, but with even more passion than the first, his arms rap my body a little tighter but still gentle and I can’t remember the last time I felt this good…..

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