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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Ok so here I am popping on my music from Imeem and I decided to listen to the new song by Usher called “Papers”. Basically a song about how the marriage he had went down the crapper and he was ready to be divorced.

While I understand and cut Hollywood and stardom a little slack, I still don’t understand why people have such a low regards for marriage that they just up n leave when it gets hard. Its starting to really tick me off how people even have the balls to get married knowing full well the point of marriage only to end it over the STUPIDEST of things. “He made me drive a pinto and I wanted a honda so its not gonna work” Or “she never cooks and can’t open a beer bottle with her teeth while wearing 6 inch heels every day so im out” I mean its ridiculous. If you had the slightest inclination that it wouldn’t work, then why do it?

People get married all the time for the wrong reasons which I understand, but once your in it why can’t you just stick it out. Sometimes I often wonder if marriage is even for me almost like well if nobody cares about marriage why should I do it? It longer has the value placed on it like it used to and its looked at as just something to do these days.

I really wish people would start taking these commitments to each other a LOT more seriously. Our children are suffering because of it and we are becoming a more and more narcissistic society living in the “its all about me and my happiness” type of a world. When will people realize that its not JUST ABOUT YOU and get over themselves.

I think it should be a lot harder to divorce someone than it is now. I think if it was harder to get out people wouldn’t take it so lightly. The song “papers” is stupid and I WISH a fool might try to divorce me over some dumb stuff. You won’t at all be singing a song called papers you will be singing “I wish she hadn’t thrown them hot grits on me while I was butt a*z naked” now you can sign your PAPERS!

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So I have been out of blog site for a little while but happy to report life in and of itself is good. I have been learning new things about my self and the people around me, also getting to learn the word of God. I started going to church and I think I have found a church that I would like to join soon. Still in the process of paying off debt and continuing on my journey to debt freedom. Nothing to complain about so God is Good!!

Recently I have been getting my hands on a lot of dating books. No Steve harvey lol, but ones more geared towards Christian dating and how to go about it. Apparently there is this stigma out there about how Christians shouldn’t date and just “wait” for God to send them someone. I often wonder how is it that when we need to get a job we go out and look, send resumes make phone calls etc…. when we want to find a church home, we research, talk to people and visit those prospective churches, when we wanna to buy a house, we don’t wait for a home to pop up, we go house hunting. I believe God gives us the tools to be productive and successful in life but it is up to us to actually utilize those tools. It should be the same in dating. I don’t believe my future mate will be the fedex dude or the cable guy, so I have to get out there and DATE!!

Anywhoot, this new book im reading “How to get a date worth keeping” Has done two things so far

1. challenged me to not look at going on dates as “finding my husband” and to just meet people, get to know people and have fun. You can only be sure of what you like if you date many types of people.

2. Its challenging me to figure out why im dateless and change those things. Is it because I don’t get out much? am I shy? are there just not enough single men for me?

So I have to keep a log of new men I meet for the next couple weeks in order to shed some light on my situation. There is this guy at work I been checking for so I went ahead and asked him on a date, since there isn’t pressure to find my hubby anymore everything feels much easier, not worrying about rejections, not caring if he doesn’t fit into my “mold” etc… just having a regular ole good time with a potential friend “PF”

So I am going to try to do as much Journaling as i can so everyone can see how this is working out for me. There will be no committing to ANYONE even if i do find a guy i like, for atleast 6 months.

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Normally I don’t bring up topics about my family and friends but this seriously needs to be addressed and I needed to blog it out so I don’t end up making the same mistake. Recently I found out my aunt and her new husband of 3 months are attempting to file for a divorce. Secondly my best cousin in the whole wide world also will be separating from her husband of 3 or 4 months give or take as well. Now either there is something in the water or food that is causing families to fall apart and I for one can’t stand for it. Before I say why tho let me tell you about the two situations.

First my Aunt

It all started back in 97. My aunt was introduced to this dude through a family member of ours and the rest was history. Now let me start by saying I was young back then but I wasn’t dumb enough to not see that they relationship was a bit misguided at times. Now fast forward 11 years later and I child They married a few months ago and now want a divorce. Why you ask??? Because of money that’s why. Nobody wants to pay for the house that was just built 1.5 years ago from the ground. Nobody wants to keep the lights on and make sure the family is fed. Now news flash yall been together 11 years and suddenly decided yall had money issues?? This is a couple that makes well over $100,000 which is good for couples in Michigan, and they have the potential to be very wealthy. But they fight constantly about who is going to pay what. Seriously grow the hell up!!! (Sorry auntie) but this is ridiculous for yall to be fighting at yall age. Its affecting the children and if you woke up and decided you wanted to act like a 2 year old and not a 40 year old then maybe you should not have had children.

Now my Cousin

My dear wonderful, loving, hard working cousin. Just found a bunch of pills out on the floor left for her one year old child to consume and end up with serious damage and possible death. What the hell you say?? Yes baby daddy/hubby of a few months is a druggie (why I dunno) But this nigga was always a damn druggie!! Cousin don’t tell me he woke up one day out the blue after 2 kids and decided he wanted to deal crack and smoke it too. I don’t by it not for one moment. You knew he had a drug problem but you still decided to be with him and now you want out. Hell I don’t blame you for wanting out but still this should have never happen to begin with.

I am saying to all women out there that allow shit like this to happen stop it!! I get sick of people sugar coating there lives only to find out years later nothing about the situation was a bed of roses. Who are you trying to impress by acting this way? In the end your only hurting yourself. I know there is a lot of pressure out there to live a Godly life and not be in sin by shacking up but if the situation is rotten, you taking vows to each other is not going to be a magic resolve for all the issues you both have faced for several years. Let me tell you what 3 things don’t make good logic for marrying a person. 1 longevity, just because you been with them for ages doesn’t mean its love, time is no band aid. 2 kids, I know we like to keep families together but they suffer from watching you tear each other down on a regular basis, children aren’t stupid. 3 bills, I for one had a mother who did not count on a man to support her and her family, she worked 2 and 3 jobs if she had to in order to keep food on the table. If my mom can do it so can you.

I thank God I have friends who occasionally slap sense into me when I am doing something stupid in a relationship and it has helped me not end up in bad situations, so to my girlfriends and family doing dumb ish this is my slap in the face to you. STOP THAT SHIT!!!

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I am sure all you Grey’s Anatomy fanatics can recall one of the most memorable episodes of season 3 when Christina Yang left Derrick Burke waiting for her at the altar. I will never forget the look of shock on Derrick’s face when they opened the doors and Christina yang was gone. That was a moment to be frozen in time forever

Now we all know that Burke & Yang’s relationship wasn’t always on the up & up and for the most part in my opinion disastrous most of the time. But the relationship they had seems to be reminiscent of what most people’s relationship looks like in today’s time (complicated to say the least). It kinda got me to thinking are there real life Burke n Yang’s running around lose in the world?” Let’s explore shall we

Burke’s of Today

Remember Derrick Burke’s character? He was a highly recognized surgeon at Seattle Grace hospital, smart, attractive, successful and most importantly paid. His character portrayed him to have a high level of arrogance yet somewhat of a soft side when provoked. He was respected because he was one of the best in his field, and considered to be amongst (for sake of real world context) the crème Della crème of dateable men

The Yang in You

Christina, we can’t forget the crazy, but smart, independent, I can do any surgery you give me attitude Yang. She too had arrogance about her and rarely let people see her emotional side. Most days she came off as cold hearted and non sympathetic to the sick. She was a fighter (also one of the best in her field) and went out of her way to show everyone she could do it all if she had too. One undeniable thing about Yang though, was that she loved her some Burke. She was attracted to his swagger and confidence, but we all know despite our high hopes of marital bliss, they didn’t have a happy ending

Where is The Love

Yang and Burke didn’t make it to holy matrimony and I am here to tell you why. Neither of them could let go of the selfishness that seem to overwhelm them, like a child opening presents on Christmas day. Burke, though he loved Christina for her independence, passion, and love for surgery, he would have rather had her take on a more traditional role as a loving and supportive wife (barefoot n pregnant possibly) and him be the bread winner of the two. Christina on the other hand, didn’t want to give up her hard work and all she accomplished just to end up being known as Dr Burke’s wife. She wanted to be known as Christina Yang “The great Cardio surgeon”. Marriage to Burke would mean possible lose of her identity and the risk was just too great

Now I may be a little out of line for attempting to compare a TV show to real life. But 24 percent of working wives now earn more than their working husbands according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), if you count working women married to jobless men that number jumps to 30 percent. In other words, nearly 1 out of 3 married women make more than their spouses. This statistic is also greater in African American house holds. Point is men love to be dominating and when you take that financial power away they start to question there masculinity and hell breaks lose

Society Today

So what does this mean for the future of men and women when it comes to relationships and marriage? It means we need to learn to compromise and learn to put our ego’s aside. I believe that no matter how successful or well known we become, nothing will compare to coming home to a loved one that knows us and loves us for who we are, be it our soft side, silly side, or crazy side and it’s a lotta crazies out here lol. If we continue down the paths we are on now there will eventually be no one to come home to and well that’s cool if you want to sit at home watching the next 4 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy alone. Think about it

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I have recently visited a couple of my fellow blogger buddies sites to get a bit of incite without having to blog about it on my own since my blogs are suppose to be tailored to finances for a while. This time though I had to do my own simply because It had to do with some of my own issues currently and this entire site is dedicated to me anyways.  

Comebackgirl and SBM have been “going at it” for a minute about rules of engagement and this is my 2.5 cents on the issues at hand..  

I got into this debate about calling (honestly its continually never ending) because I had to personally deal with a guy who wasn’t calling as much as I thought he should. I believe in chivalry 100% but now days I am starting to realize some men just don’t get it. I now realize that men aren’t mind readers and well they certainly don’t have a chivalry button that automatically comes on. They need to be told what to do mainly because they haven’t been taught and are simply lazy.

So the question then comes how much time and effort am I willing to put into making them the man I want them to be.   Now I certainly don’t condone a clueless man some things should just be automatic like opening doors (including cars), and doing whatever means being a gentleman typically you don’t need money to do this. But when it comes to molding that romantic man who calls you at work to say hello, runs your bath water, and takes out the trash I  believe most (not all) need to be told. I heard one woman say “if I gotta tell them that takes the fun out of it” is it better to let him guess and be wrong about your needs and run the risk of him not ever doing the things you want because you didn’t communicate it to him? I believe that once you tell a man your feelings wants and needs and he goes out of his way to be that man for you that is what makes it romantic because he actually cares enough to change. So what I told him to call or send me flowers point is I got them!!! Now if I say baby send me flowers and he never did then we need to talk. 

Overall I don’t plan to spend a year or two or three trying to mold a man. If I have an issue, I will confront you with it, allow you time correct it and if you don’t give you the boot. I don’t think you can make a man be perfect because there will always be issues that arise in a relationship that should be addressed. So from now on I am going to always express my feelings and see where it leads me, hopefully in the right direction of compromise, win win, qid pro qwo whateva all that good stuff!!!! 

Oh yes and to add, each woman has different limits to what they can deal with (thank you comeback for bringing up that point) personally I am not going to fall apart (anymore) over phone calls. Its just not that serious but in comebacks case “O” is in another state so yea I think I would need more calls too. I have a couple friends I don’t take advice from simply because we are in the same boat with a leak, on of my girlfriends actually thinks marriage is a waste of time now seriously when did you come up with this??? Ok I am done.

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Last night I had the opportunity to treat myself to my very first live Tyler Perry Play “The Marriage Counselor”. Honestly it was on a last minute whim but I paid $40 for a very good seat and that honestly was all I spent (attempting to justify random spending). Anyways I must say it was a very very good show. I actually haven’t laughed so hard in such a long time and every bit of the show was enjoyable right down to the singing. I recommend couples and singles see the play if you get a chance even if your not a big fan of Perry. 

Without telling the whole thing, it basically is about the challenges married couples face. It dealt with everything from money, infidelity and its consequences, physical attraction, sex, right down to dealing with in-laws. It was a good look into real life issues that most married couples have to face. I for one after seeing the show must say I am glad to be single and not married yet because it truly does take a lot of work & and sacrifice to make a relationship work and last. The whole show was as I say “gut busting funny”.

I laughed about a million and one times, and for that reason alone I say go see it.  

Mikki 

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FYI this is not a tutorial lol. (disclaimer) I can’t even get the boyfriend part right let alone marriage lol. However this blog is about a recent post I found on a website. Currently they are scouting for professional single women to come on there show, and the first thing I noticed was a comment about the overwhelming response to the new tv show. It mentioned the fact that over 5,000 woman have applied. Now here is where my problem comes to play. If you go to the website you can find the application and It is extremely extensive. worse than any reality tv show I have seen, on top of that you still need 5 minute video and 1 page paper about your dating life. Hello!!! am I in college all over again or what. So 5,000 + ladies have applied does anybody see a problem other than me??? If you have that much time on your hands to fill out this application and actually submit it then you have to much time on your hands hints the reason you are still single. Not trying to be funny but I hear the numbers in dating are to our advantage so get out and date!!!

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