Posts Tagged ‘black woman’

I finally Got around to changing the title of this post, and now its fitting. The saying goes “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” Now its more free milk everywhere. So my approach is more like “Put a down payment on the cow and you have 90 days to pay in full”

Today I was here doing some reading about sex and relationships and it got me to thinking about my current situation. Right now I am single and about 8 months or so ago, I committed myself to being sex free, celibate, born again virgin what ever you want to label it. After reading the post I started to get a bit of jealousy in me and it brought me here. I know as a woman I have had the luxury of being able to have sex with whomever I so choose (for the most part) But when I decided not to have sex until I was in a serious relationship, I realized how hard it was going to be to actually find someone I was compatible with. So far that has left me without “Getting some” I have been ok with it for the most part, but when you here about “Everybody else” getting theirs you start to wonder about what your missing or not missing.

For the most part I don’t think I have missed much. I don’t miss being called at random hours asking what I got up for the night, I don’t miss wondering if the guy I was seeing had other females he kicked it with, I don’t miss not getting gifts on birthdays and holidays because I was “just a jump off” or a “Friend with a benefit”. As for the positives of having sex well I guess I’d say I wouldn’t be in such a pissy mood twice a week had I been getting it on the regular.

Most of the negative reasons are why I got out of having sex for pleasure. It was cool for a while but I started to realize I wanted more and If I had to wait for sex to get it then I would rather do that, as appossed to being dumped or having some other woman being chosen over me. I think the reason we get off into the friends with benefits is because we don’t want to put in real work as far as relationships are concerned. It would require being tagged just about 24/7, remembering every holiday, birthday, anniversary, keepin up with who rubbed whose back last, and who was the last one to make a romantic dinner. I mean seriously everybody is on this career tip so tough that a real relationship just seems so last on the list of things to do but we still want to “get ours”. I honestly don’t think anything is wrong with not being in a relationship but for me I have come to a point where I need some stability mainly so that I don’t have to ask you if you can come over and “Do me” only to be told well im at the gym or I gotta work late or im finna go here or there or everywhere, “but I can hit u up later”like a friend with b’s or a jump off would do. Not sayin they are always not on point but half the time its not good to depend on them. Another reason is because I think the no commitment gives us an easy out for when we cheat on eachother, I know for me if a dude tried to call me out the first thing I would say is “your not my man” that always will shut him up fast about questioning me on where I am at and stuff and same goes for the man.

Now I do realize there are hardships in relationships too but for the most part if you are working towards something long term the arguments can be worked through. I know we all are about money and getting tight, but what happens when it comes time to be married. Are you going to know honestly how to be in a real relationship or will you spend half your marriage trying to adjust to being with someone full time and having to be accounted for. For me the time is now. I don’t plan on satisfying my sexual urges for something that doesn’t amount to much, my hormones aren’t that outta control.

On the other hand if you have always been one to be in a relationship then the whole sex issue doesn’t really figure into what I am talking about. I really have only had 1 relationship and I don’t come by to many guys who say they want me to be their woman. I do know I would give almost anything to have that stability I had when I wasn’t single. Right now am not willing to accept much less than that. To me when a man says he wants to be with me means he is ready to be a man and put in the work it takes to pull off a good relationship not saying that all men are on point but most don’t talk about relationships unless they really want to go there. If I haven’t become that woman that every man wants to commit to then I guess I got to get working, but until I get there this sista will be sexless which is probably in so many ways part of the process.


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FYI this is not a tutorial lol. (disclaimer) I can’t even get the boyfriend part right let alone marriage lol. However this blog is about a recent post I found on a website. Currently they are scouting for professional single women to come on there show, and the first thing I noticed was a comment about the overwhelming response to the new tv show. It mentioned the fact that over 5,000 woman have applied. Now here is where my problem comes to play. If you go to the website you can find the application and It is extremely extensive. worse than any reality tv show I have seen, on top of that you still need 5 minute video and 1 page paper about your dating life. Hello!!! am I in college all over again or what. So 5,000 + ladies have applied does anybody see a problem other than me??? If you have that much time on your hands to fill out this application and actually submit it then you have to much time on your hands hints the reason you are still single. Not trying to be funny but I hear the numbers in dating are to our advantage so get out and date!!!

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