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Archive for the ‘dating’ Category

I know this topic comes up again and again, but I have to speak on it once more because 1. It never gets old and 2. It happened to me.

Recently I was reconnected with a blast from the past (worksite jada). He reached out to me via email after a year of not speaking due to me ending it. Obviously it was for good reason but for some reason I thought things might be different. For a while (read a week) things actually were different, we talked every day via email, text and hours on the phone. It was pretty cool. Then one day I got an email “hey yea member that girl I told you about?” Yea well we went on a date……..

This for me is where it pretty much ended. Suddenly the phone calls stop, texting stops, emails are there but fading into black. I saw all these signs smacking me in the face saying its time for me to act like a banana and split but something in me needed conformation.

So Mik gets bold and brave enough to ask the question “Dude what happen?”

Dude: I been in church all week and got super busy….

Dude: I am over in my text messages……(we have mobile to mobile)

Dude: I figured you might be sleep and I knew you was going out of town.

Dude: Work? Oh yea I was busy there too!!!

Dude: Its really not like that……

Seriously? You think that for a second I am buying any of these excuses? I am not the brightest crayon in the box but I do know when I am being played. So he insisted once again that it wasn’t like that and apologized again. I am a big creature of habit and if you start out one way and suddenly things are MUCH different im going to side eye you.

Thankfully I saw the sign and It opened up my eyes I saw the sign……. (song break) and I wont continue to go down this path with this dude.

Have you ever had clear signs that he wasn’t that into you and you ignored them and kept forcing something that would probably never be right?

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As you all know I will be documenting my dating experiences on my blog. Today I am super tired from the weekend so bare with a sista!

Friday night, I went to salsa class in my attempts to “leave the house” as the book (how to find a man worth keeping) states, your husband is not going to fall out the sky so get active. I have to admit just leaving my house and doing something out of the regular was extremely fun. I got a chance to dance with this super cute 2520 which im shocked i even found him attractive. I believe since I started to go by the “no expectations rule” I was able to step out side of my 6’0 chocolate brown brotha idea.

I am suppose to be getting 5 numbers a week, keep in mind I don’t actually have to go on a date, i just have to have prospects. I must admit that this might be harder that I thought. I realized this weekend I am a bit shy when it comes to speaking up, probably something I knew but just never really had to face at any given time. Now that I am basically forced to get phone numbers i HAVE to speak up!! Unfortunately I didn’t get the guys number in class but hopefully my confidence will be up by friday because I am most def going back!!

The other experience I had was with a guy I had met online. We had been taking for a few days and while I was very interested in him he was just a little to “thirsty” as my friend holly would say lol. For a minute I was intrigued buy his persistence but then I realized that I am not suppose to be exactly “falling” for anything for at least 6 months. Needless to say I worked up enough courage to tell him that I am going to be “multi tasking my azz”. He didn’t like that and told me he wouldn’t be speaking to my from that point on because he was looking for a wife like yesterday lol.

I am glad I was able to stand up to the guy and let him know my true feelings. So many times we get caught up in the fairly tales of dating and love that we forget to check out the “True picture”. Underneath the surface of this guy was a controlling, overly dramatic, ego driven brotha. When I took off my sunny shades, I saw the true picture and it was NOT good. I pray that I will continue to see the trueness in people as I move about this process. So here are a few questions we must ask are self when we are getting involved with someone of the opposite sex.

1. Am I willing to settle for fear, there might not be something better?

2. How far will I allow men to pressure me before I give in?

3. Am I believe truthful about EVERYTHING I believe in.

what say you?

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Its been a rough but good last few weeks. I have been paying off debt left and right and It really feels good, but I have been working my tail off doing so. Working 2 jobs is a mutha sucka at times. Right now I am feeling A little down and overwhelmed and let me tell ya why.

My relationships over the past few weeks haven’t been the greatest. I told someone to kick rocks because I didn’t like their glasses. I have a thing for clean cut men, but one must understand clean cut is not the equivalent of dorky looking. I know I can be shallow but attraction is a big thing for me and well I don’t really need to explain do I?? Anyways I think I hurt his feelings but even still, there was still other factors that overall caused me to make a decision on the more negative side. After I broke the news about being “just friends” he informed me that he is going to start being mean to women because being nice doesn’t get you anywhere. I had lots to say on that but thats a whole other post lol. Anywhoot I really superly think its time for a break……….period.

Other things going on have to do with work, debt and a few other endeavors I wish to embark on. I am going to be taking on a new goal that involves my full time job. I haven’t exactly been the best employee when it comes to getting to work. I am the one who is always late, and always leaving early. Last week I did my time sheet and it just looked like who did it why and what for, I had been running errands, leaving in the middle of the day, and getting to work pretty much when i felt like it. My boss didn’t say anything but I knew she was like what tha?? So starting this past Monday I have made a commitment to getting to work on time and not taking days off for the next 1.5 years (long time eh). I always take a day off here and there never really building any vacation time and im always in the negative. Well when the time comes for me to be outta debt I suspect I am going to want to celebrate by going some place. This task itself is overwhelming but I am going to really stick to it as best I can.

Also I am looking in to purchasing my first investment property (all cash of course) and coordinating a financial peace class here in Lansing. More details will come on these things as I get them in the next couple weeks. On top of all this I am taking classes to make sure my real estate license stays active which is time consuming to say the least.

So I guess all in all I plan to be proactive. I am not going to really worry about my long lost boo to be, it gets draining after while and I really need my energy to stay up!! Bout to be 26 and I gotta look 26 not 36 ya hurd meh!!

Anyways for the next few weeks/months I am going to go hard core on getting things done, no distractions no drama no calls no nothing, just work work work. I am starting to realize that sometimes you have to go it alone, I have become much stronger in the last year and I think I have grown in ways I didn’t know I would or could. The year has been a really good one and I look forward to whats ahead in my social life, business life and work LIFE.

As always I will keep writing as I continue to grow and love the woman I am becoming.

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Ok by now everybody must know that if I am not on a quest to find love I am on a quest to get money. Over the last 2 months the issues have been about relationships. I have had my run ins with the shall nots, have nots, and will nots, of the opposite sex pool but recently I encountered something that right now I can’t figure out, which is why I finally decided to post about it.

About a week or 2 ago I started praying. I asked God to send me a man, and I listed every quality known to man that I thought he should have. Now this list has been tweaked over time cuz before I was leaving ish out and well that didn’t go so well most days lol. But this list I was sure I had down packed. So a few days later I get an email and here is what it said

Wow hi you are a hard person to find!! I have been looking for you for about 3 or 4 years. I hope you rember me I worked with you a while ago. Well I am looking forward to talking to you hopefully soon!!!!”

There was a picture beside it and when I clicked on it I thought?? hmmm do I know this dude, stalker perhaps??. He didn’t say where exactly, so I attempt to remember every fine dude at work cuz u know ya girl won’t let a sexy sexy slip away so fast with passing me first lol. So I spent about 1 hour trying to recall every job in my life and it hit me like a 1 year old throwing his sippy cup going straight for my head!!!! WALLY WORLD!!! yes!!! I meet J at walmart.

J was a cool kat, rather dorky in my opinion but cool. We kicked it with each other on a regular basis for the short time I spent there but never on a serious tip. I honestly thought nothing of it back then, I was all of 22 or 23 trying to stay above water on bills. So almost 3 years later J finds me and we spent the next few days talking about whats been going on. I found myself opening up to him about everything and he was extremly calm and understanding about my situation. He also went on to inform me that all this time he has been looking for me, asking around to see if anybody knew me. Well I don’t hang in lansing so that odds of anybody knowing me would be 1 in a million. I was taken back that he was trying to find me and felt a bit flattered…………. so the story goes on.

Since that day me and J have been in communication. We had 2 rather fun dates and we talk every day now. He is the sweetest guy. On the scale of attraction he is definantly not ugly, tall (6’3) a lil skinnier than most, caramel completion, and glasses, kinda still has the dorkiness to him but nothing that can’t be worked on with a couple new outfits. He opened ALL of my car doors on the dates and footed the bills and didnt ask for ass in return lol. To me thats a BIG step from the norm lol. The other big thing about him was that he talked about the exact same financial goals and opinions as me, about being frugal, and spending less money, the man is even almost done paying off his house! I mean I really couldn’t have asked for him to sound much better than he did…… (deep sigh of relief)

So you ask why am I conflicted?? Well because sometimes tho I AM not a bible thumper. I can be extremely spiritual (got it from mom) I always analyze if something is of God or if its the devil playing tricks on my mind. I was thinking like maybe its another one of the devils tricks to get me off track, my mind went pretty crazy from there. I was able to talk to my best friend and she was very insightful, she told me only time will tell whats to come of this and she was right. So I am trying to play it cool and not get caught up in what may or may not be. Also J has 2 kids (Same mom) But I remember asking God for a man with NO kids, so why would he give me a man with 1 let alone 2??? I know there is a reason for everything and even tho no kids was on my deal breaker list, I had to remember why and that was because i had a fear that the guy wasnt taking care of them. J actually has custody of both children and the man worked his ass off to get them which says TO ME a lot about the type of guy he is (when it comes to taking responsibility for them that is). Who knows maybe I can look past the children?? I just don’t know about all this.

I do know I am over such n such from the last post!!!!! I believe God sends people in your life for a reason. So J why are you here????

On with new things!!!

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I was layin in my bed (napping) earlier today and this guy popped up in my head which he so often does. I thought to myself, “why can’t I get him off my brain?” Then I started to answer my question and thought maybe if I wrote it down I could also figure out a way to let it go at the same time. So lets see if it works…..

1. You by far are the finest man I have ever met in my entire life. My best friend thinks your “not hot” But for some reason you come off as the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe its your eyes, maybe its how you walk, or how you dress could be that you look like a tall drink of water to me. I haven’t met any man to date that compares and I really should let it go…..

2. The sex was the greatest of all time. I shouldn’t let you know that because it only seems to fuel your ego and send you on an “im the greatest” rampage that last for months on end and leaves you to forget about me until its time for you to be “Stroked yet again”. Maybe I should just let it go……

3. Your arrogance, evasiveness, and nonchalant attitude kept me intrigued. I dunno why, but I always thought I could just break the barrier that you held so tough and I would “win”. Maybe it was no such thing and you just weren’t that into me, I read way to much into it and I need to let it go……

4. Your an ass and I liked it. Nothing about you (in my opinion) is nice. You pretend that your a people person and want everything to be right with the world. But your selfish and you don’t even notice it. You play victim in almost every case and refuse to believe that maybe you yes you could be the problem. Yep its time to let it go……

5. You liked to be loved by many and thrive on the fact that women hang off your nuts. You don’t lead people on true, but you have a way of making “us” believe that sometimes its more than it really is, and you feed into their thoughts by hanging on just enough for them to stick around. Really gotta let it go….

Ok lets revisit this in 48 hours and see if it worked…..

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So Its Been a couple weeks now since John Doe came back into my life. I gotta say since the day he left my house its been nothing but bickering back n forth!! I got off the phone with him today and figure now would be a good time to state my case. The man called me selfish!! arggggggg. Why in the world would anybody believe lil sweet Mikki could be caught with that label. Well let me tell ya…

So I been giving John pretty much the 3rd degree for the past few weeks. I explained to him that I didn’t have time to be fooling around with (possibilities of a relationship) He came at me with some “lets see where things go” and I excepted that for a little bit. Things have been “GOING” no place. He calls once in a purple moon. Only visits when he is in town working or picking up his daughter (by way is so cute). The man will swear on his life he is making all the effort in the world to show his worth. But it is ME yes ME who isn’t contributing to the progression of the relationship. Well dude lemmie just clear things up for you. The ONE time you did visit my house, I made you dinner, introduced you to my roommate and made you (100%) made you feel comfortable welcomed, and appreciated so much so that you called me the next day to let me know how greatful you were. Since then I have gotten half assed phone calls returned, and whining about how busy you are with work!! Now guys I don’t hate on hard working brotha’s but is it that much dang blad work in the universe!!! Good gosh!! Yet everytime we get on the phone I am pushed into a corner like im doing the victimizing.

So this time I told Mr Doe. I can’t deal I said it was YOU that approached me not the other way around and if you for one minute think I am going to take you serious you need to prove yourself which thus far you haven’t. His argument was that oh well you can come see me anytime. Dude?? You didn’t invite my ass!!! Can yall hear my frustration??? I told John I don’t need a man, I have gone this far with out one and will be damn if I let one into my life that hardly knows how to call on a regular basis and yes I have been calling too which he pretty much never returns the calls. So im selfish for wanting a man to chilvarize me and make me feel special. He said its suppose to be 50/50 and he was right. But I said I can’t give my 50 when you putting in 32.5 Its just not gonna happen. I have been fine without the kisses and cuddling and obviously sex cuz non of that is or has been going down either, so trust I can go longer if need be. Please don’t treat me like your doing me a favor cuz last I checked they had toys for that my man…..

I am just totally annoyed that he acts like the victim and he just proves why I am choosing to be single. I have been working 2 jobs and even I still can make time for a man (outside of work hours) If I need to or feel your worth driving an hour for. If you want to be my friend coo call when u please, if you want to be my man you gotta do a little better, and if you just want to be my f*ck buddy oh well you got the wrong sista girl Cuz I for damn sure aint the one ya hurdddddddddddddd!!! John Doe you officially have your own category on my blog space congrats….

UGHHHHH!!!

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So everybody by now is aware that I have been working through getting financially stable. I have managed to save (by months end) a total of $4,500. I have been working two jobs and saving the cash from my rental property for the past 3-4 months (the power of focus hard at work). I have had a few set backs in having to dish out large lump sums for emergencies, but over all I am doing extremely well. It has been worth the sacrifice 100% because now I actually have something to show for my hard work. Anyways this post isn’t about my financial bank account it’s about my EMOTIONAL bank account, so let’s talk about it.

Most of us, when we get into relationships with the opposite sex, go into it with high hopes that we will be over all in a “Winning” situation. Now there will always be a time where we feel like we are being “short changed”, but for the most part we should always have 50-50 love. The concept of the emotional bank account isn’t new and we all know that. All I am doing is calling it in “simp”ler terms “Happy Cash”.

Who gets an account?

Everyone gets an account, “Cut buddies”, “friends with benefits” boy friends and girlfriends”. The E.H.C.A should always have money in it and should never under any circumstance have a negative balance. People with no regular cash flow eventually end up using “happy pills” and we know what those do lol.

How the account works

Let’s start with the basics. Happy cash is the emotional money your significant other deposits, (assuming you have one) into your account on a regular that makes you feel worth being together. You put “money” per say, in the account by doing things you know will over all contribute to the well being of your mate and over all happiness. These things could be taking out the trash, cooking a nice dinner, voluntary back rubs, xbox time without interruption, getting that “job while driving” without asking, and taking rides on your “toys aka bikes” without being called asking where the hell are you. All these things would contribute to me loving my boo more and more every day. The trick to this account is for both people to make sure both people are always being fulfilled in the relationship.

Think of it like your every day job. Would you go to work 40 hours a week and enjoy being paid for 20 hours month after month?? Nah either you quit or tell them to pay up!!! The E.H.C.A account works the same way. If there is anytime you ever feel your not getting what you deserve you should address the issue or leave.

Deposits

How your significant other makes deposits greatly affects this account. If for one month (As example) he asked you to give him head for 10 days straight (unless you’re a nasty freak and you like doing that) your going to feel like your man is depleting your account and that’s ok as long as he has made his normal deposits. But if in fact he is demanding head, but didn’t take out the trash like you asked, didn’t make you feel soft n pink for 3 days straight, or kept playing xbox when you needed “assistance”, your account will become negative and you won’t have any cash to give when he goes to use his “Debit card”. Get it?? Same goes for the men, you all should get your deposits on time just like a woman should. I personally always want to feel needed, loved, and appreciated and if I love my man or like his sex even I should understand that my “great blow job” Is not the only thing that keeps him loving me.

In conclusion, we all need to feel like our accounts aren’t always in a deficit like the United States of America. There will be times with this account that you have to make your own deposit, (being single) that means take time for yourself and do things that contribute to your well being. If you need a day at the spa then go, if you want to “G.I.U” (Geek-it-up) for hours on end do it, or if you want to sit in front of the tv watching reruns of sex in the city, DO IT!! All the deposits you make on yourself well eventually allow to you pay out dividends on the new person you meet. If your account balance is already low (like mine) you can’t be handing out lines of credit like a McDonald’s Monopoly game piece, CASH ONLY. So folk get out there and open up your E.H.C.A’s today!! Or if you want you can simply at the bottom of this page leave a list of the things that creates deposits FOR YOU. I will leave mine here. Thanks folks!!

My account balance $200 (its low but I haven’t been making deposits lately)

Deposits I like to make or like having made….

Shopping for new shoes $100

Ice cream at Baskin Robins $30

A phone call in the middle of the day from a male friend to say hi $900

Listening to music all day at work $300

Blogging $100

Having a guy cook for me $1,000

Eating at my favorite spot $1,500

Getting my nails n hair done $ 800

Talking on the phone hours on end with my best friend $5,000 (she keeps me sane)

And the list goes on, NOTE: I’m single so I pretty much make MOST of the deposits myself. People in relationships may have different kinds of deposits but the idea is the same.

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