Archive for the ‘black men & dating’ Category

As you all know I will be documenting my dating experiences on my blog. Today I am super tired from the weekend so bare with a sista!

Friday night, I went to salsa class in my attempts to “leave the house” as the book (how to find a man worth keeping) states, your husband is not going to fall out the sky so get active. I have to admit just leaving my house and doing something out of the regular was extremely fun. I got a chance to dance with this super cute 2520 which im shocked i even found him attractive. I believe since I started to go by the “no expectations rule” I was able to step out side of my 6’0 chocolate brown brotha idea.

I am suppose to be getting 5 numbers a week, keep in mind I don’t actually have to go on a date, i just have to have prospects. I must admit that this might be harder that I thought. I realized this weekend I am a bit shy when it comes to speaking up, probably something I knew but just never really had to face at any given time. Now that I am basically forced to get phone numbers i HAVE to speak up!! Unfortunately I didn’t get the guys number in class but hopefully my confidence will be up by friday because I am most def going back!!

The other experience I had was with a guy I had met online. We had been taking for a few days and while I was very interested in him he was just a little to “thirsty” as my friend holly would say lol. For a minute I was intrigued buy his persistence but then I realized that I am not suppose to be exactly “falling” for anything for at least 6 months. Needless to say I worked up enough courage to tell him that I am going to be “multi tasking my azz”. He didn’t like that and told me he wouldn’t be speaking to my from that point on because he was looking for a wife like yesterday lol.

I am glad I was able to stand up to the guy and let him know my true feelings. So many times we get caught up in the fairly tales of dating and love that we forget to check out the “True picture”. Underneath the surface of this guy was a controlling, overly dramatic, ego driven brotha. When I took off my sunny shades, I saw the true picture and it was NOT good. I pray that I will continue to see the trueness in people as I move about this process. So here are a few questions we must ask are self when we are getting involved with someone of the opposite sex.

1. Am I willing to settle for fear, there might not be something better?

2. How far will I allow men to pressure me before I give in?

3. Am I believe truthful about EVERYTHING I believe in.

what say you?


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It was 2 days shy of 13 months ago when I wrote the post Date or soul mate?. It was detailing the type of characteristics you would hope to find in a future husband or wife. I really had to give myself a pat on the back for summing up the book so well and giving my spin on it. Anyways I figured it would be a good time to revisit my idea of a good man (again) since I am newly single and entering back into the wonderful world of dating.

The last few days have been rather hard actually. Having to think about starting over and pushing myself out into the social scene can be pretty intimidating at first. This time around I do plan on taking things hopefully much slower than I have in the past BUT I will move forward with those guidelines I seem to have forgotten to take with me on that first date.

After being with my ex I realize how much more important it is to stick to the LIST. Although we may find someone who is seemingly right, you may tend to have issues with someone if everything doesn’t 100% check out. This isn’t to say be so strict but to be close as possible wouldn’t hurt at all. So my list once again isn’t really meant to be taken lightly although you are welcome to laugh and call me crazy, I just needed to put it on paper what Mik feels is a good rule of thumb to picking the right dude.

1. Must make more money than me or equal – If you think this is golddiggerish then your probably right lol. Even though I feel my situation wasn’t purely based on money most of it was, and it was the heart of the breakdown of my relationship. Some people make not like to believe relationships aren’t about money but trust a LOT of them are. So I am keeping this one just so we don’t have to deal with the broke ones. P.S i don’t make that much so it shouldn’t be hard lol.

2. Family ties – I admit I get into with my momma on the regular but at the end of the day we can call each other and laugh about what ever we had argued about before. I love my mom and my little brother and I would love to be with someone who shares my same sentiments.

3. Believes and knows God – Please believe I am NOT a bible thumper nor do I want to date one. but it is important to be with a man who recognizes a higher power and is not afraid to call on him in a time of need, or simply give some praise when he is blessing us. If I can say babe, lets go to church and he says sure would do me a lot of good cuz i need some Jesus right nah.

4. Good with Money- Not a penny pincher but knows how to balance being in a relationship and managing their own bills too. I don’t actually believe in participating in the recession because I am always looking for new ways to bring in money. If you can’t realize that dating cost, then maybe you just shouldn’t date because even though I am on a budget I still need some fun in my life. I don’t want a man who is a tight wad but I do want a man who looks towards the future financially and plans for that.

5. Can balance seriousness and goofiness – I am a silly girl by nature and it would do me good to laugh 24-7 if I could and I appreciate a man who can be silly at any given moment but I also want someone who can have a serious conversation about life in general and things that make us who we are, its just good for the soul.

6. Keeping me in check – Please do not mistake this for an IKE and Tina sitcho or now days Chris and ReRe, But a man who is cool with telling me no but also realizes how happy it makes me when he tells me yes. I love a man who can make decisions without needing a second opinion (Good decisions mind you) It just makes you feel so secure.

7. Educated – I am putting this back on my list because Mik is going back to school and I’m gonna need some help with homework lol.

So here is my list, there are a few things missing but if you are smart you know the things that aren’t on the list that I don’t actually NEED to mention……

Did I miss anything……

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Now this may seem odd since I just started the Experiment, BUT its been put on a slight delay/hold until I am done playing hostess. Yea I said it, (John doe) Has come into town for a few days for work and I invited him to crash at my house so he wouldn’t have to drive back n forth to Detroit (gas is high don’t trip). So last night was the first night and other than the fact that its 2am and im typing this at the apartment complex clubhouse, everything is good. I couldn’t sleep so I came to get hopefully some work done, and do my workout for today (another blog).

I had decided earlier in the afternoon that I would venture out to the grocery store so I could make us dinner and get a few things for the rest of the week, lunch meat, grapes, cheese cake, you know the usual. When I returned to my apartment (John doe) was already there waiting for me and he helped me with the groceries. I was making lasagna (frozen kind yall know I don’t cook). John needed to get some things from the store so we ventured back out while the food was cooking. When he returned I was able to introduce him to my roommate (whom has been coo thus far) We kicked it for a short minute and I told her I was making dinner and for her to eat when it was ready. John doe ended up hooking up the salad and I popped the texas toast in the oven. 20 minutes later the 3 of us was kicking it, eating, and having a cool ass time. John doe went to MSU so he proceed to tell us about the Flinstones which we laugh at because it was way before our time. Dinner was on point too!!

Later we both cleaned the kitchen up and put the food away. John joe I must say is extremely thoughtful and helpful, kinda like a simp but in a nice sweet gesture way (oxymoron). He has always been the chivalrous type of guy, which he was able to quickly remind me of (fallin into the trap). The rest of the night was spent talking about the type of work he does and how we both have dreams and aspirations to do bigger things. I didn’t agree with some (actually 95%) of his ideas for businesses but for the most part he was in line with my same ideas. It always excites me to see a man aim higher for himself and take the steps. He gave me a lot of helpful info about my business venture, and we talked about my building a website which should be up and running by this time next week. Getting side tracked is a bitch when you finally have goals and a ton of things to do, but its all good thats why I’m am up right now getting stuff done.

All and all its been a really really great,fun relaxing day. I haven’t been pressured to “Do” anything yet and I am determined to stay a good girl, I didn’t waste 8 months for nothing!!!! Is John doe someone I see myself with? Yes in some ways and no in others, but right now this is my quest for this to be nothing more than us getting to know each other for the next few days, like we should have in the first place.

So I really did plan to work on the Experiment and in so many ways this is part of it so for my fans,supporters and loved ones give me a minute to work out the kinks. No matter what I am doing I promise to always update. I hate to be MIA for days on end and have people wondering whats up (hate that in blog world) on top of that I just find it good to speak on what im feeling at the moment, it really does help me. This will be an interesting next few days.

As for now I’m finna go hit the tread mill and hopefully take my ass back to bed!


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