Letting Go (Maybe)

I was layin in my bed (napping) earlier today and this guy popped up in my head which he so often does. I thought to myself, “why can’t I get him off my brain?” Then I started to answer my question and thought maybe if I wrote it down I could also figure out a way to let it go at the same time. So lets see if it works…..

1. You by far are the finest man I have ever met in my entire life. My best friend thinks your “not hot” But for some reason you come off as the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe its your eyes, maybe its how you walk, or how you dress could be that you look like a tall drink of water to me. I haven’t met any man to date that compares and I really should let it go…..

2. The sex was the greatest of all time. I shouldn’t let you know that because it only seems to fuel your ego and send you on an “im the greatest” rampage that last for months on end and leaves you to forget about me until its time for you to be “Stroked yet again”. Maybe I should just let it go……

3. Your arrogance, evasiveness, and nonchalant attitude kept me intrigued. I dunno why, but I always thought I could just break the barrier that you held so tough and I would “win”. Maybe it was no such thing and you just weren’t that into me, I read way to much into it and I need to let it go……

4. Your an ass and I liked it. Nothing about you (in my opinion) is nice. You pretend that your a people person and want everything to be right with the world. But your selfish and you don’t even notice it. You play victim in almost every case and refuse to believe that maybe you yes you could be the problem. Yep its time to let it go……

5. You liked to be loved by many and thrive on the fact that women hang off your nuts. You don’t lead people on true, but you have a way of making “us” believe that sometimes its more than it really is, and you feed into their thoughts by hanging on just enough for them to stick around. Really gotta let it go….

Ok lets revisit this in 48 hours and see if it worked…..

Goal Setting (Summer Madness)

So I think its safe so say that stuff on the relationship side of my life has pretty much fizzled out, and frankly I must say im glad. Now its time to get back on the grind and focus on my money. Today I wanted to let everyone know I am will be working 2 major goals for the next 2 months and this is a pivotal point in making it happen.

Goal 1

Putting $1,000 towards the cost of my braces. So far my dental insurance from work has done an excellent job of covering all my expenses for my pearly whites. However I suspect a bill to the tune of $1,100 will be surfacing to pick up where my insurance ends. By September 4th I should have $1,000 to cover the full bill so far I have $200 saved up.

Goal 2

Saving up $6,000 to put towards my debt snowball. Now this is a MAJOR goal. Once I have paid off $6,000 worth of debt I will officially have only 3 big bills to focus on, My 401k loan of $4,800, car repo bill of $8,500, and lastly my final student loan of $11,000. I basically have 2 months to come up with $6,000 and with working my extra job and my stimulus check I should be right at the mark if not a little bit over. 2 months actually seems like an eternity when you see what the end result can be, but I am confidant I can make this happen.

Over the last few months of being on the TMMO, I have discovered how important it is to set goals. I always used to think things up in my head but never put it down in writing. I mean to an extent it worked, but now that I write down EVERYTHING, stuff seems more organized and exact vs just a blurry vision. Since being on the Dave Ramsey Plan I have calculated how much I have paid towards debt in 6 months and it added up to $5,000. I was really impressed with my progress and had to give myself a pat on the back. I have been working hard the past 6 months and I really can see how far I have come.

Summer is a hard time to save money because people are always wanting you to go places and do things. But I am focused 100% and ready to make the sacrifice. So here is to a summer of saving and working towards my future.

Thanks for listening

Selfish who??? Me???? Nahhhh

So Its Been a couple weeks now since John Doe came back into my life. I gotta say since the day he left my house its been nothing but bickering back n forth!! I got off the phone with him today and figure now would be a good time to state my case. The man called me selfish!! arggggggg. Why in the world would anybody believe lil sweet Mikki could be caught with that label. Well let me tell ya…

So I been giving John pretty much the 3rd degree for the past few weeks. I explained to him that I didn’t have time to be fooling around with (possibilities of a relationship) He came at me with some “lets see where things go” and I excepted that for a little bit. Things have been “GOING” no place. He calls once in a purple moon. Only visits when he is in town working or picking up his daughter (by way is so cute). The man will swear on his life he is making all the effort in the world to show his worth. But it is ME yes ME who isn’t contributing to the progression of the relationship. Well dude lemmie just clear things up for you. The ONE time you did visit my house, I made you dinner, introduced you to my roommate and made you (100%) made you feel comfortable welcomed, and appreciated so much so that you called me the next day to let me know how greatful you were. Since then I have gotten half assed phone calls returned, and whining about how busy you are with work!! Now guys I don’t hate on hard working brotha’s but is it that much dang blad work in the universe!!! Good gosh!! Yet everytime we get on the phone I am pushed into a corner like im doing the victimizing.

So this time I told Mr Doe. I can’t deal I said it was YOU that approached me not the other way around and if you for one minute think I am going to take you serious you need to prove yourself which thus far you haven’t. His argument was that oh well you can come see me anytime. Dude?? You didn’t invite my ass!!! Can yall hear my frustration??? I told John I don’t need a man, I have gone this far with out one and will be damn if I let one into my life that hardly knows how to call on a regular basis and yes I have been calling too which he pretty much never returns the calls. So im selfish for wanting a man to chilvarize me and make me feel special. He said its suppose to be 50/50 and he was right. But I said I can’t give my 50 when you putting in 32.5 Its just not gonna happen. I have been fine without the kisses and cuddling and obviously sex cuz non of that is or has been going down either, so trust I can go longer if need be. Please don’t treat me like your doing me a favor cuz last I checked they had toys for that my man…..

I am just totally annoyed that he acts like the victim and he just proves why I am choosing to be single. I have been working 2 jobs and even I still can make time for a man (outside of work hours) If I need to or feel your worth driving an hour for. If you want to be my friend coo call when u please, if you want to be my man you gotta do a little better, and if you just want to be my f*ck buddy oh well you got the wrong sista girl Cuz I for damn sure aint the one ya hurdddddddddddddd!!! John Doe you officially have your own category on my blog space congrats….

UGHHHHH!!!

I works Hard for the Money!!(Dave is that you?)

So I have been on the TMMO for 6 months now and I just found out a few days ago I will be getting extra hours on my second job. Yay right?? wrong. I find that as I get more intense about paying off debt, the people around me start to disrespect my athoratiii!! Meaning as I am unable to spend more time with the people I care about, they get mad. One thing people should know about me is that once I get focused on something its hard for me to quit until its over with. Fortunatley Finances is pretty much forever at the top of my list of things to keep in check. So as I make decisions, the money question is always first. I don’t use credit cards anymore so I can’t say oh let me go charge this or that. I have to plan for things way in advance and make sure I actually have the funds to do fun stuff. Now as I get outta debt I have told people over and over im not trying to have a bunch of fun (at least not at my expense). Taking time away from my job means taking away my paycheck and right now I just can’t walk away from money. I am not saying I am going to be a sticker for life not at all, but for the next year you can pretty much count on me to always be working. I think one year worth of sacrifice is very well worth taking a year of MY life to be uh whats the word??? oh yea an ADULT!! I have finally taken responsibility for the mess I made and only I can clean it up. All I ask of people around me is to respect the fact that im working hard. People get mad but then also don’t want you asking them for money? Again I can’t stress enough how much I love my family and friends but now is not the time to get your undergarments bunched up about me not being there.

I am done

Letter from a mothers son

Hello mother I was finally able to access the internet and am now able to give you a report of my adventures and experiences during these past two weeks and few days. Well first off the project to me has been in two different phases, first the project itself and the activities or services we perform and second my personal relationship with God and how being on this project has effected my relationship with God. In the first phase or aspect of the project, it has has its ups and downs, sometimes im having fun and a lot of the time I am bored because I havent been working yet and the majority of the week from 12 noon to 11 pm is dedicated to work time so I have nothing to do. But every monday morning we have bible study training where we go over why we need to read the bible, specific ways to read the bible and how to get the most out of what we read. Tuesdays we dont do anything in the morning and wednesdays to me are the best days of the week because we have our evangelism training. We have three different groups and from about 1 to 2:30 we talk about ways to evangelize and spread the gospel and then from then til 6 each group goes to their assigned church and try to put what we learned into practice. The church I go to is called City of Refuge and is basically a lot of warehouses with different things going on in each building. In one they have their sanctuary of course, then they kinda have like their own food bank where things have been donated from different companies and they pack them and give them to the homeless. They have an area that is like a mini shelter where they allow women with no place to go to come in and bathe and sleep and things like that; furthermore, they have a kitchen and they call it the 180 degree kitchen and their motto is “serving miracles everyday.” With the kitchen they have a program where people in the neighborhood who want to become chefs can go through a 12 week program and when they are done will be job ready as a cook. Also the church is in the middle of the roughest neighborhood in atlanta, they call it “the bluff” and its where a lot of drug deals go down and it has the highest crime rate and stuff like that so its a rough neighborhood, and their ultimate goal is to give people a place where they can come and completely turn their life around. It first starts with accepting Christ as the head of their life, and then the church tries to help them eventually clean up their lives by trying to provide jobs, housing, and all that good stuff. But what we do is we help pack food from the time we get there until about 5 and then we go out and serve food and evangelize in neighborhoods. This is both the happiest and saddest times of the project to me, because we get to go out and meet these people and serve them and try to teach them the gospel, but sometimes we dont necessarily have enough time because we have to leave at 6. And its sad listening to these people tell us their life story and how they came to this low point in their life where they are now, and in 40 mins im supposed to get to know them, listen to them, and then try to teach them the gospel and its not fair in a sense to us because its a lot in a small amount of time, but God has been showing me that sometimes just listening to the people and praying for them is enough. I can pray that I see them again the next week, but I dont have to shove the gospel down their throats in 30 mins, that sometimes just listening to their story and showing compassion can have a great effect on their lives, so I’ve really been praying and dealing with that. But after we do our evangelism we have to come back to campus for a meal and then a social at 7 where we play games and spend time trying to get to know each other and build relatonships. Thursday mornings we have prayer and world missions sessions where we talk about the importance of prayer and fridays we have rent which i dont have to worry about just that last $100. Oh and Sundays the project is borken up into two groups and each one goes to a different church, I go to a church called Southwest. We go to sunday school and the service, then later at 6 we have another meal and a rally at 7 which is basically like anothe service or a mini service. So the project in that aspect has been pretty decent certain times are funner or better than others but its been good. Now the second and most important aspect of the project, my growing relationship with Christ and boy I don’t even know if I can fully express how great its been through this email, but ill try. Each week we have assigned passages to read and memory verses to remember, and honestly these last couple of weeks is the first time I’ve gotten into the Bible seriously and have been consistently reading, that along with the book we have been assigned have been so enlightening. First was the realization of how far I was from being a true and genuine Christian. How much my view of Christianity and true Christianity differed. It has opened my eyes to how much I sin and how short I fall of God’s glory. I have been learning of his abundance in grace and mercy, and what surrendering my life to Christ really means. Its a lot more but I cant gather all my thoughts right now, but I know one area I’ve grown in is prayer, realizing its importance and the power of prayer. I have been so convinced and so moved that I have been leading this week’s morning prayer, we have prayer monday thru friday at 7 am and I have been leading it this week. Not too many people show eveyr morning but I know for myself I’ve been going everday morning since last monday and plan to continue for the rest of the program and even dedicating myself to getting up in the morning and praying evry morning after the project. I remember hearing a lot of people saying “prayer changes things,” and I am really beginning to see and understand the truth in that statement. But uh I have my first training session today for the job it was new employee orientation and I have another class thursday and I should be able to start working after that so PRAY for me lol. I know the money is pouring in right now, but I am really happy I made the decision to come here and that God blessed me with the money because mostly everyone is still raising support or waiting on their paychecks so that they can pay off their rent and I am so thankful to God for providing me with the funds to be here. So this program has been a great experience and the best part is its not over yet, so I hope this wasnt too much for you to read, but just know there is more where this came from lol!!!

This letter was written by my little brother J, He left a month ago to attend a summer program called campus outreach, remember that $300 I gave in the last post? Well this is where it went to. I can say reading this letter brought me almost to tears because I was able to give my brother peace of mind knowing he could enjoy himself and grow like he has. People ask who this DAVE guy is and how he has affected me, this right here is proof of the HOW. I love my brother so much and I thank God for the man he has grown into. It lets me know that all the sacrifice my mother made was well worth it. I couldn’t be more proud of him and what he has accomplished. In short the boy is BAD!!!

Love you big bruh!

Freedom to live Freedom to Give (Dave again)

Recently I was corresponding via e-mail with “D” whom I have grown to appreciate and respect for getting out of debt. One particular statement she made in her e-mail really struck me like lightening. She said when I am gazelle intense I am able to love on people like never before. I have the “Freedom to live and the Freedom to give”. I must say those words rang so true and here is why.

The other day I was questioned about the type of lifestyle I have been living for the past few months. The statement was that “being on the TMMO/Dave Ramsey plan was like being in jail” (along with a few other choice words). I haven’t talked about Dave much as of late, but the program is definitely at the forefront of everything I have been working on. Last month I paid off $2,000 worth of debt saved $300, and gave a little too. I understand people don’t really agree with all of Dave’s teachings. But I have really felt the need to expound on what being on Dave’s plan has allowed me to do (outside of my jail cell that is).

1. I was able to GIVE my tenant $150 dollars to paint a room in the house for the new baby, the way she wanted to. Over the last few weeks she had expressed to me how important it was for the baby’s room to be ready when she came. She has been really stressed about bills and her pregnancy that I wanted to do something I knew would put a smile on her face and it did. She has been such a good tenant, keeping up with paying the rent. Never once has she complained to me about not being able to pay and she recently told me there was weeks she wasn’t working, but she for sure kept her rent payment. That took me by shock cuz most people would have neglected the rent and made excuses why not to pay but she didn’t. I am doing as much as I can (even on my lil salary) to help sista girl. She has been so grateful and that is the best feeling ever.

2. I gave my brother about $300 to take a trip to ATL. He is still a little spoiled brat, but now I can actually contribute to the spoiledness and its fun to see the look on his face when I say I am going to give him money.

3. Over the weekend I treated my best friend to dinner (well it was the bar and we ate) but we ran up a drink and food tab of about $40 bucks which I was happy to pay and we had a great time. I have never been able to take us out and pay for it all.

Now all these things don’t really add up to a WHOLE lot. But 6 months ago I was crying broke, I was depressed and really didn’t have 2 pennies to rub together let alone give anybody anything. I was in a total funk, and even when people needed help I couldn’t be there for them. Since being on the Dave plan, I have been able to give like I have never given before. It’s an amazing feeling to be able to help someone and not need them to repay you. I feel good just about every day of my life (except for the braces are a beast). On the surface it looks as though I am suffering, I am sacrificing but definitely not suffering. Now if you ask me about missing out on taking trips here or there, or buying that $150 dollar pair of shoes, yes you win that argument. But the gratification I have gotten from giving and having 100% control over my financial life far exceeds any pair of shoes I could ever buy.

Now I am not out of debt YET, in fact if my math serves me correctly I won’t be debt free until October 2009 (assuming I haven’t mad any extra money). Seems likes a life time of so called jail. But I really can’t imagine how much more I will be able to give and enjoy true wealth once I am debt free. Pre Dave, my life was a total drag, but I have gained full control over my finances and have learned the art of saving and giving. The sacrifices I have made thus far have been worth every dime NOT SPENT.

So when Ms D talks about the FREEDOM to live and Give, she is definitely on point. Each day I am living and giving more and loving on people like never before. To me this is far from bondage, and I have never been freer in all my life. To those who don’t agree with what I have been up to ah well, I can’t win everybody body over. I will ask that when people taken into account the Dave Ramsey plan before you critisize it go into it with an open mind, you will learn a lot about your self, which has way more to do with working on self, than it truly has to do with becoming DEBT FREE.

Thank you and enjoy your weekend folks!!!

More Dave stuff coming soon…

Throw back picture style

So I been working on my Real Estate website for the past 2 weeks and I decided that I would add my pictures to it. I took these pictures a about a year and a half ago on an attempt to do some print modeling. They actually seem to come in handy with my Real Estate stuff so I pulled them out of the archives and dusted them off. I haven’t decided which ones I am going to use just yet, but I thought it would be fun to show everybody what im working with.

Ok I really like these two

This one is my favorite tho

So this is what I am working with. Godaddy doesn’t support me in my endeavors because I didn’t use there web templates but I still will press on without their help and my site will be up and running by golly!!!

Also that last picture I am going to attempt to take the background out and make it look like a floating image. Anyways Its fun learning html and css, but very time consuming, a friend told me he paid $500 bucks to get his site up, and well yall know im not about spending crazy amounts of money especially when I haven’t made any yet. As far as im concerned my services are free to me and I got plenty time to work on it ya digg??

why do I keep saying that…..

Fall wayyyy Back homie (Experiment gone bad) **Update***

First I would like to say, The men in my experiment have been acting rather retarded but thats another blog. I just wanted to focus on one that has been on my mind for a day now.

“J” if you do read this please take what I say to heart because its truly coming from within. I meet “J” on blackplanet (for those of you who shun internet dating), he came across my page and decided to send me a message. More recently was the first time we have had a chance to have an actual conversation. Now before I go off into why I am typing this let me give you some background about “J”. He is 35 years old, has a daughter and is a model. Typical male (once married) now divorced, with plans to eventually become a pastor of his own church. When I first spoke with “J” via messenger, he seemed to be the perfect catch, good looks, good income, good interaction with his child, and church ideal right?? I dunno guys. Later I was able to actually have a phone conversation with “J”, and those who know me by now, know I am laid back, silly and speaking my mind most of the time. So im kickin it with “J” on some real ish about the things I like to do, ie go out, drink, have a ball with my girls and occasionally have great sex (which is not existent right now). Soon into the conversation he starts to back track, saying maybe he is going to fast and isn’t sure if our values are inline. What???

Now “J” I love a Godly man, but are you kidding. You telling me because I went out and had a few drinks and backslid from church im to much of a hoodlum for you to date??? I personally suggested “J” date women in church before venturing out into the world but he said he didn’t want stalkers. News flash, you can’t trust the women in your own church imma need you to check ya church my man cuz something isn’t right there. Personally I haven’t attended church because I find way to much drama within the place and I can’t worship with God in a place of underlying chaos. I have a great relationship with God inspite of my backsliding ways. Since I have become more financially stable I have been about Gods work, helping people and giving as much as I can. Truthfully I believe you are doing a disservice when you are not going outside of your church and ministering to those OUT IN YOUR COMMUNITY. But thats another story. Bottom line I felt like I was being judged and this is why stay away from those bible thumpers because they claim to be holier than thou. I will not apologize for you feeling like I would cause you to be some kinda hoodlem and get kicked outta church. I am who I am and I am not changing unless God himself told me to. He is the only one who can judge me.

I personally feel that if we essentially have the same ideas and long term goals there shouldn’t be a problem. For instance I am going hard core extreme with getting out of debt. I would hope that my husband is as much of a radical with getting out of debt as I am or at least not having a money issue to start. I am an idealist and I know as much as I want to dream he is going to be crazy like me, he isn’t. As stated in my previous post money causes a heap of issues long term. On the flip side if my man happens to be a big spender and likes to buy stuff like he drinks water, thats obviously not going to work and I would be a fool to try and make it work. I can see how a man with extreme Godly views would be turned off by my personality a little bit. But one thing people will find about me is that im real all day everyday. I live my life the way I see fit. If your trying to help me because you see me on a destructive path thats one thing but If I am trying to live a good life and not causing you harm then there should not be a problem.

J I really like you but if you see me as some kinda distraction then we both must fall back on a personal and spiritual level. Maybe we can be friends on a business level but as long as you believe me to be a hinderance vs a help mate, then we just wont work out. I hope this turns around and I am reading to much into it. I want a man that builds me up while I am working my way to the top. I am not going to need you as a motivational tool once I am already there which is why so many successful woman are still single.

Can yall digg it!!

Its like the song goes “give me my flowers now while I am here on earth”

****UPDATE****

Yes so, Rev brotha pastor musta took a few days to marinate on the idea of dating me and decided he might want to “get right church!!” lol I’m just playin!! I dunno what he was thinking but he called me and he wants to take me out so I will keep you all posted on how that goes. Hopefully I will not be acting to much of a clown (my usual self)  See some men just can’t resist the chocolate!! lol.

(and no we aren’t going to get slurpee’s!)

holla back pimps

Whats love got to do with it

Normally I don’t bring up topics about my family and friends but this seriously needs to be addressed and I needed to blog it out so I don’t end up making the same mistake. Recently I found out my aunt and her new husband of 3 months are attempting to file for a divorce. Secondly my best cousin in the whole wide world also will be separating from her husband of 3 or 4 months give or take as well. Now either there is something in the water or food that is causing families to fall apart and I for one can’t stand for it. Before I say why tho let me tell you about the two situations.

First my Aunt

It all started back in 97. My aunt was introduced to this dude through a family member of ours and the rest was history. Now let me start by saying I was young back then but I wasn’t dumb enough to not see that they relationship was a bit misguided at times. Now fast forward 11 years later and I child They married a few months ago and now want a divorce. Why you ask??? Because of money that’s why. Nobody wants to pay for the house that was just built 1.5 years ago from the ground. Nobody wants to keep the lights on and make sure the family is fed. Now news flash yall been together 11 years and suddenly decided yall had money issues?? This is a couple that makes well over $100,000 which is good for couples in Michigan, and they have the potential to be very wealthy. But they fight constantly about who is going to pay what. Seriously grow the hell up!!! (Sorry auntie) but this is ridiculous for yall to be fighting at yall age. Its affecting the children and if you woke up and decided you wanted to act like a 2 year old and not a 40 year old then maybe you should not have had children.

Now my Cousin

My dear wonderful, loving, hard working cousin. Just found a bunch of pills out on the floor left for her one year old child to consume and end up with serious damage and possible death. What the hell you say?? Yes baby daddy/hubby of a few months is a druggie (why I dunno) But this nigga was always a damn druggie!! Cousin don’t tell me he woke up one day out the blue after 2 kids and decided he wanted to deal crack and smoke it too. I don’t by it not for one moment. You knew he had a drug problem but you still decided to be with him and now you want out. Hell I don’t blame you for wanting out but still this should have never happen to begin with.

I am saying to all women out there that allow shit like this to happen stop it!! I get sick of people sugar coating there lives only to find out years later nothing about the situation was a bed of roses. Who are you trying to impress by acting this way? In the end your only hurting yourself. I know there is a lot of pressure out there to live a Godly life and not be in sin by shacking up but if the situation is rotten, you taking vows to each other is not going to be a magic resolve for all the issues you both have faced for several years. Let me tell you what 3 things don’t make good logic for marrying a person. 1 longevity, just because you been with them for ages doesn’t mean its love, time is no band aid. 2 kids, I know we like to keep families together but they suffer from watching you tear each other down on a regular basis, children aren’t stupid. 3 bills, I for one had a mother who did not count on a man to support her and her family, she worked 2 and 3 jobs if she had to in order to keep food on the table. If my mom can do it so can you.

I thank God I have friends who occasionally slap sense into me when I am doing something stupid in a relationship and it has helped me not end up in bad situations, so to my girlfriends and family doing dumb ish this is my slap in the face to you. STOP THAT SHIT!!!

Random Rantings of a SBW

So I’m not feeling the whole 5-10 paragraph post today so we gonna stick with the one’s n two’s list. Feel free to add to my list of bs.

1. I got 2 hours of sleep due to me having a man in my bed for the first time in uhhhhh.

2. I opted out of “head game” on the receiving end. Can somebody tell me why I did that???

3. Came home to an empty house cuz John Doe as I predicted works to damn much and had to go back to Detroit. ugh why can’t a sista get some consistent love!! its a conspiracy I tell you!!

4. My tenant in Detroit is on the verge of a serious melt down with a baby on the way and no money, and its up to me to fix it. Yea I think damage control is my new middle name.

5. My auntie is about to lose her home, but when I called her today to set up the appt. To do the listing she is at the salon getting her hair done. Black people ish fa realz

6. Enemyofdebt is MIA

7. I’m all outta chocolate cake

8. And its raining

9. Did I mention no more cake?

10. I do everything right, cook, clean, wash your clothes and stay on top of my “game” yet I am still a single black woman.